#two front teeth

[nicky999doors]

(TWO FRONT TEETH)

tbh i’m drunk so i put it on soundcloud already lmaoooo pls give me streams

[riotatthemovies]

Two Front Teeth (2006)

Oh how I wished that I liked this more. The cheap effects I enjoy, the silliness I enjoy. I can even accept the projected windows in the scenes where they are driving fake cars. But I just hated the two main characters so much that I couldn't watch this a second time. Well until recently. A friend screened it as his bad movie holiday flick so I had to go round two.  I don't mean to sound so harsh cause in theory this movie is up my alley. 

The plot is this.  A couple in a loveless marriage (who knows how the fuck they got together) get stuck in the middle of a battle between evil vampire elves and ninja nuns. The husband, Gabe, works for a tabloid newspaper that writes a lot of Christmas time fake news conspiracy stories and it looks like me may have accidentally posted about a story that is true. Now demonic vampire elves dressed in bondage gear are out to get him because he may know where the magical severed nose of rudolph is. When Gabe arrives home to find his wife having an affair with a guy that works in the mall things get messy. But don't worry the guy from the mall is already dead because the vampire bondage elves got him, cut his head off and stuck it on the train set around the Christmas tree. The wife Noel (yes her name is Noel, I know I said oh fuck off out loud as well) is tied up and her already upset husband has to save her. They run away with the evil elves hot on their trail. They meet a cowboy bounty hunter that knows Santa and his evils are out to kill and they need ninja nuns that are out to get the nose of power as well. It ends up SPOILER that the evil elves are actually run by ClauseFeratu a demon tooth fairy that has been holding Santa hostage for years and only the nose can free him.

Sounds funny right.... right? Well Noel drives me insane as she is spunky and bad ass but angry non stop and bashes her pathetic husband gabe non stop. Its not the bashing that is the worse or the non explain logic of why they hate each other so much and are still together but the fact she does it while constantly making Christmas puns. ... Now let me stop things right here... you know that I love puns and I love bad puns aaaannnd I often enjoy the Family guy type humor where its sooo dumb its funny then it gets annoying but if you keep doing it and staying dumb it gets funny again. Well sadly this does this but it does not get funny. The puns are forced and have very bad timing. That's why I was so mad... I said out loud as we watched it... damn you for making me dislike stupid puns you fucker. 

I like that they keep the theme and feel dark yet put them in the dumbest joke situations. I like when a no budget director challenges the theme like that.

Maybe its the music ques and the off timing but it all gives me a head ache this time making funny people just seem mean.  

There is a scene where Gabe has to hit Noel over the head with a vase and I felt really good about that... I should not feel good about that!!

It was so she would be distracted as they pull a tracking device out of her foot that is shaped like a gingerbread man. Sadly it is so dark its hard to tell what it was. Urrgh they film EVERYTHING in red and green light filters... fuck me you know I hate that. I get that you are covering up the cheap camera and sets and want to add a theme. The jokes and plot do the theme enough cause now I am just squinting and the booze in this eggnog is not helping you jolly bastards.

In the end everyone is slaughtered and Noel and Gabe seem happy. After a scene there the two have what could have been an amazing dialogue scene where they both tell awful stories about each others secrets. But Noels story , that connects the teeth element of the story,is way worse and you are not suppose to think that. Or if you are the scene just falls. Arrg they are just fucked and honestly they should have died and let Santa carry their corpses away.

       There's those two front teeth!

We do get a semi funny and awful on purpose fight scene between Santa and Clauferatu! But if they couldn't do actually cool fighting it should have been worse they should have gone dumber cause now you giggle but kind of think they actually couldn't fight and that maybe this was supposed to be a real fight.. but it definitely is not.

I am sorry Two Front Teeth you almost had me but when you get me so close to liking you and I don't that makes me even more livid then if you were just garbage like some hollywood bullshit that I wouldn't even bother talking about. Soooo since I talked about you I guess you were b movie good enough then.... DOH!

[moviesandmania]

Two Front Teeth - USA, 2006

Two Front Teeth – USA, 2006

‘Forget milk and cookies… this Christmas he wants blood!’

Two Front Teeth is a 2006 American horror feature film directed by Jamie Nash  (ParaAbnormal; co-writer of The Night Watchmen; V/H/S/2 segment ‘A Ride in the Park’) and David Thomas Sckrabulis from a screenplay written by the former. The movie stars Johnny Francis Wolf, Megan Pearson and Michael Brecher.

Plot:

It’s the night before…

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[twofronteeth]

harry smiles ft. Two Front Teeth

[hunrry]

Harry’s Two Front Teeth

[samthewrestlingfan]

Welp, we all know what Cesaro wants for Christmas...

😬🎄

[thestylesdetails]

[nicky999doors]

(TWO FRONT TEETH) 

random vibey track i made forever ago