1:37am - Thinking thoughts
I feel like I'm at that point in a movie where the character decides its time to take their life. Call me a coward or whatever you want but I don't think I'm stupid enough to go through with it... I've tried to before but it never worked no matter how many pills I took I always awoke. Nothing makes sense and everything just keeps getting more and more out of control.. Maybe I'm trying too hard or maybe not enough, how the fuck did things get so out of control!!! There's no escaping my fucking thoughts, they attack me and they won't stop!! Nobody likes a whiner.. Nobody likes me.. I hear it constantly every time they don't talk to me, when they make plans and stuff.. I come as an afterthought. Here I know I try too hard, I just can't stop.. it hurts to know that I will never be accepted by anyone.. I will never be invited by anyone without them wanting something in return. Everyone thinks they're being so good when deep down they know they don't give a shit!! Fuck!! You don't have to go deep down, you can tell by the surface right on their fucking pores!!! Their fucking fake smiles!! Their lies, everyday... Don't lie to me, there's no need I know that like everyone else you want to leave. Maybe we can go smoke weed and then you can proceed to lie to me? Fuck that!! Leave the weed, leave it to me take your fucking shittiness!! I want to be better off alone, even though I know I can't stand it.. My thoughts attack me. This is where a flashback of my life appears on the screen, where everyone starts to feel some sympathy.. She was always so nice, always said what was on her mind... Who knew she had all those thoughts inside?? Alright, we buried her for the second time... This time in the earth first time with our lies..