I am here
Hello! It’s been a whileeeeeee, since I logged in and wrote something. A lot has happened. In fact, a lot of crazies are still happening given the pandemic. No one, ever predicted that 2020 will be hit hard by a health crisis, which eventually also impacted the economy as people were forced into lockdowns in order to flatten the curve. Where I am at, it’s been seven months of quarantine and we are nowhere near the goal.
My therapist pointed out early this year that one of my trigger is not having control. And while I am trying my best to manage myself (rule number 1: the only thing you can control is yourself), this pandemic definitely threw me in a lot of uncertain situations. While inner me is like, is this a big test for me, God? It just felt wrong that this is a mere learning curve for me while people are literally dying.
I would like to believe that I am floating to the occasion. The efforts I made nowhere measure as those as our heroic frontliners. I am stil learning to adapt to the work from home scheme, online meetings, no massages, no travel, no dining out, inflation, and being with my dysfunctional family 24/7. It feels like a lot of No-s, but I am glad to still have some Yes-es for myself still.
1. Yoga. My utmost form of pampering which is massage was also banned. For someone with forever lower back pain, it literally hurts me the first few months of quarantine. I forced myself to self study yoga, the awesome benefits, and I managed to relieve my back pain from the poses I am practicing.
2. Grad school. Yes, I am back to school again after so many years. Major adjustment is that it is through online learning. As someone not engaged on social media, dealing with my classmates behind the screen is uncomfortable for me, given that I do not build relationship online as much as possible. Studying is still fun for me, but doing assignments in between work and rest still proved to be a challenge.
Funny that these things were written on my to-do list last March, completely oblivious that a major shift is happening and I will be thrown off the plan I carefully made. While I am not excelling on anything yet, looking back, I am still proud of myself for pushing through. Sometimes when things go heavy, and you have no more fight in you, you just have to float.