added at least ten more layers of self indulgence by including ghosts!!!
transcript & taglists under the cut!
transcript:
Len curses himself for seeing his father’s ghost. That was what he really saw during their skirmish earlier, what actually distracted him enough for the guard to disarm him. So, when he sees the same ghost again, he rubs his eyes. I can’t keep having visions like this, he thinks.
“Lennox.”
It isn’t a vision. He stands up hurriedly—or as hurriedly as he can—leaning to his left to keep weight off of his injured leg as he pushes away unwanted memories, teeth gritted. “It’s just Len.” How does one correct an apparition that’s been aimlessly wandering for nearly two decades?
“Len,” his father—or what used to be his father—says, amused. “I’ve been looking for you. I was wondering when you would come back to this clearing.” He looks around at the moons glittering through the canopy of trees. His father has the aura of a god, the kind of a stranger sitting inside a small café and twiddling their fingers. Plenty of time.
But Len knows all too well that ghosts are not gods. They’re far from it. “You’re not who you used to be,” Len says, “so I need you to leave.”
“Don’t even trust your own father now, I see.”
Len can’t know what his father would or wouldn’t say—he never knew him, but two decades is too long for any ghost, far too long. “They say not to trust strangers.”
“Well, it was nice seeing you,” he says before disappearing in fading flicker of the past.
/end transcript
general taglist: @writing-is-a-martial-art @writeblrfantasy @matcha-chai
normally, i try not to combine these, but! seeing as i am on vacation and have written a total of 252 words over ,,, three days? this is gonna be from @cryptid-s-wips @finch-goes-write @cirianne @writing-is-a-martial-art @zoya-writes @drippingmoon :D (i love these keep tagging me if you so desire)
When the dust clears, Cal wants for nothing but to collapse. Looking around, it seems peaceful, all things considered.
Len.
OPEN TAG also tagging with no pressure: @enchanted-lightning-aes @a-completely-normal-writer @pepperdee
hello tww taglist for the second and final time today: @a-completely-normal-writer @writing-is-a-martial-art @wannabeauthorzofija @magic-is-something-we-create @croctears@writeblrfantasy @opes-magnas @author-a-holmes @zoya-writes @fuyugomori @ink-fireplace-coffee lmk to be +/-
the wicked within: "magic doesn't find you; you find it"
i've been imagining this conversation in my head for literally months :D jereth looking up to (and slowly growing on) len is one of my favorite things to write <3 oh also, one of my writing playlists' descriptions is from this snippet
transcript & taglist under the cut!
transcript:
Jereth blurts out before he loses the nerve, “How do you do it?” He immediately wishes he could take it back.
Len raises his eyebrows. “I do many things, and I try to make my methods as secretive as possible. I think you should have picked up on that by now.”
“No, I mean, the magic. You’re so powerful, and magic never really clicked for me—”
“If it did, you’d be famous.”
“It,” he trails off, confused, “doesn’t click into place? Not even for you?”
“Magic doesn’t find you; you find it. You search for it tirelessly, poking your head in every room, asking for someone, but you don’t know what they look like. It’s a growing sense of burning in your chest, one that makes your heart expand. It tickles your throat like the fading warmth of a flickering candle—sometimes you can feel it searing into your skull.” He closes his eyes, his expression blank. “You need to concentrate that feeling towards your heart and your palms rubbing together in a winter storm. And then you let it explode.”
Snow begins to fall around them as Jereth nods in amazement. For a gang leader, Len isn’t a bad teacher.
tumblr did me dirty and corrupted the image quality, but it's here!!!! the wip that i've been thinking about for months!!!!!!
all content can be found under #the wicked within
taglist let me know to be + / - @a-completely-normal-writer @writing-is-a-martial-art @magic-is-something-we-create @wannabeauthorzofija @croctears @writeblrfantasy @opes-magnas @author-a-holmes
[id: a powerpoint presentation of black text on white background, written entirely in comic sans
start slide 1
in the center, "the wicked within", and underneath it in smaller font, "a comic sans intro by your local mess: me, @47crayons". the comments around the entire slide read from the top, going clockwise, "a family that is so found!!!", "childhood friends to STILL FRIENDS", "all queer cast :p", "my first fantasy wip that i’ve been serious about <3", "kickass women, yeah baby", "upsetting the gods (or just one particular goddess)", "morally grey characters!!!", "a (mostly) stable relationship!!!", "honestly? kind of a comfort project!"
end slide 1
start slide 2 "where are we"
on the left, "some island~ three districts……… and worchester/ elderwood: forest (earth)/ portingdale: wind (air)/ the hooks: ash (fire)/ worchester: no one knows (water)". the image at the right is labelled "rough sketches of the rivers and some geography" and depicts a square with several bumps divided into four large pieces labelled from the top left, going clockwise, "elderwood", "portingdale", "the hooks", "worchester". a fifth section between elderwood and portingdale is labelled "disputed territory". in red, at the top of the slide, text reads, "elderwood and portingdale have been fighting over the wetlands for DECADES". according to the legend, there are mountains along the west side of portingdale, forests throughout elderwood, and rivers flowing from the mountains to all the other districts. an arrow points from elderwood to an image of a cabin the woods. an arrow points from portingdale to an image of a castle on a cliff. an arrow points from the hooks to an image of a dim cobblestone street with stores. an arrow points from worchester to a question mark and the text "i know, but you can't know".
end slide 2
start slide 3 "a bit of history"
"so there were four gods. and they were born from the sun and moon, except i really vibe with multiple moons, so we'll see. elther, the forest god. aenged, the wind god. skari, the ash god. thilda, the water goddess. and they each had their own district... until they didn't. just imagine thilda's rage. relevant info about the war: goin’ on for 57 years and counting, multiple pauses/ceasefires, they’re in a very tense ceasefire at the beginning of this timeline. the bottom right corner reads "i don't know how much the gods will affect the plot yet, but they do affect the magic!!!"
end slide 3
start slide 4 "magic? what magic? damn look at me using capital letters"
"okay so there are three big parts: the Spirit. people use the Spirit to do magic. when used, the Spirit changes an object & some is stored in that object. Spirit + enough followers = god. gods are an aura of Spirit. if a god ceases to exist, the Spirit slowly dwindles (how fast depends on how much magic is used aka how much Vessel is required). your Vessel. some representation of “stamina”. varies at birth, but can be trained. your Strength. a “type”, so to speak, of magic that resonates with you (from the elements). this doesn’t mean you can’t know/use more than one type. in fact, the most powerful magicians do…
end slide 4
start slide 5 "meet some of the most powerful magicians in the north ward of the hooks"
all images of characters are made with artbreeder. the slide is split into three columns. the first shows a white person with short, brown, curly hair and a firm, but not angry, facial expression. the information underneath reads, "len, he/him, pan. cynical, very cynical (and secretive!). constantly on edge except when protected by chloe/ can fall asleep next to cal (yeppers, they’re partners)" with an added note "huge HUGE shoutout to len @writing-is-a-martial-art for letting me use len (LONG story, folks) even though i still feel bad about it :}" the second column shows a person with long, black, wavy hair and fair skin (appears east-asian). the information underneath reads, "chloe, she/her, aroace. will literally kick your ass so hard if you say anything against any of them. but also seems welcoming". the third column shows a smiling person with blonde hair and a note "he has cooler skin i’m just bad at artbreeder". the information underneath reads, "cal, they/he, bi. cal is a nickname, and no one actually knows their real name. lots of lore on this but i shall not divulge quite yet. also funny".
end slide 5
start slide 6 "cont. and then a little backstory!"
a note in the top right corner says, "a non-exhaustive list of things artbreeder is bad at: piercings (they have piercings!!!!), maybe i will make some picrews later, green eyes, cool skin tones". this slide is divided into two columns. the first shows a smiling white female with blonde hair. the information underneath reads, "eden, she/her, demisexual lesbian. literally an angel i love her. one of the only things holding their collective sanity together. seen hell and doesn’t want others to suffer". the second column shows a partially smiling black man with short hair. the information underneath reads, "jereth, he/him, gay. he’s baby. joins them at the beginning. not great at magic for spoiler-y reasons. honestly kind of scared of them (who wouldn’t be), but wants to live up to expectations" note: i do have antagonists, but i can't explain them all here"
end slide 6
start slide 7 " 'a little' backstory fun :D"
len and chloe grew up in elderwood together. his father died in the war between elderwood & portingdale. his mother was getting berries when she was shot by portingdale soldiers because she was close to the disputed area. they run away to the hooks because the war is going to start up again. this bar owner couple lets them live in the rooms above, and when they die, len and chloe keep the place running (and keep the room for eventually the five of them). they have a lot of history actually, so i won’t include it all here. cal is from portingdale. came to the hooks with his parents when the war re-ignited (when it seemed peaceful, they went back; cal stayed). eden was born and raised in the hooks. she was hardly raised (her father abandoned her and her mother; her mother got a drinking problem and couldn’t take care of her). she has connections in the west ward (mostly made up of the city’s homeless). jereth is the son of the council chairwoman (council!! i could go on and on about their government structure). his mom and dad try to control a lot of his life (esp when they find out he isn’t top-notch at magic), and he eventually finds the rest of the cast, who (some reluctantly) take him in
end slide 7
start slide 8 "so do you have a plot... like no (what did you expect), but actually: YES"
the four (jereth isn’t there yet!) are attacked in the Inner City (where the districts meet). they think it’s one of their rivals in the hooks (it’s not). turns out it’s portingdale soldiers. and then they discover that portingdale has been poisoning the southern rivers (affects worchester and the north & south wards) because worchester doesn’t really contribute to the whole island. the south ward is too rich to give a damn. word gets out and elderwood, naturally, is even angrier at portingdale. and after the hooks make a lot of bad decisions, our cast is on their way to speak to the king of portingdale. but they find out that the poisoned rivers is the least of what they’re doing… tl;dr portingdale tries to poison people, everyone gets upset, portingdale is actually doing worse things. okay. so that’s a lot of text for something that was once vibes.
end slide 8
start slide 9 "i couldn't just end with a bunch of text, so have some incorrect quotes that fit the vibes of the characters"
1. cal: imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life
eden: self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!
chloe: oh wow, my childhood innocence! thank you for finding this!
jereth: i knew i lost that potential somewhere!
len: my moral code, is that you?
cal:
cal: i was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me
2. eden: are you sure this is the right direction?
len: certainly, i'm as sure as i am honest!
cal: in that case, we're definitely lost.
3. jereth: where are you going?
chloe: to get ice cream or commit a felony; i’ll decide on the way there
4. chloe: where are jereth, cal, and eden?
len: they're playing hide and seek.
chloe: where?
len: i don't think you get how this game works.
end slide 9
in which chloe goes Through It, eden is introduced, and more :D
wc: ~2.5k
warnings: injury, drugs, addiction
-
“Len should be here by now,” Cal mutters. “Something happened.”
Minutes pass until Chloe can’t in good conscience deny that they’re right.
“I’ll go find him,” they offer, “you take the papers.”
Chloe nods and begins walking, her footsteps a silent amble, as if she didn’t just copy months’ worth of financial papers from their largest rival gang. She doesn’t hear the two men sneaking up behind her.
And when she does, it’s too late. They shove her against the brick wall, red and coarse, and she’s left defenseless, her knife just barely out of reach. One of them moves her arms and pins them against the wall by her wrists, sending a flare of pain through her shoulder and a suppressed scream out of her mouth.
The other goes for the papers tucked neatly into her jacket, like they knew exactly where to find them. How long were they watching her for?
Chloe kicks at their legs, but she’s in no condition to fight, so they get away.
She slumps against the wall cradling her arm, waiting… waiting.
Her eyes start to droop, but she’s startled back to consciousness with a shout. “Chloe!” It’s Len. “Chloe, where did they go?” he asks, frantically.
She shakes her head, grimacing. “I don’t know.”
“What’s wrong? What did they do to you?” He looks over his shoulder and calls for a Healer. “Hang in there.”
Chloe blinks, racking her brain. Where was she before she was here? Fragments come back to her. She was smuggling information from Ghetfaer Skarnen with… The thought hits her like a wave crashing onto the shore. Len and Cal. “Where’s Cal? Are they alright? Are you?” she asks, pushing herself back up to a sitting position with her left hand.
“They’re safe,” he assures her.
A passerby in the bustling streets of The Hooks hasn’t moved. She’s frozen, looking at Chloe sitting against the wall, protectively holding her arm.
When she finally takes a step, it isn’t in the direction of the South Ward—her original direction—it’s towards Chloe and Len. She taps Len on his back as he’s saying, “hunting your attackers for sport, probably.”
“You needed a healer?”
Chloe objects, “I’m fine, I’m—” but gets cut off by Len who nods, gesturing towards Chloe and standing up to give her space to work.
The Healer examines Chloe, who looks notably awkward, and says, “I can’t help her here,” gesturing to the people walking along the street, some of them staring, but most of them just minding their own business.
“Our place in the North Ward isn’t far,” he offers “if you can come, of course.”
Nana’s waiting at home, she thinks, but her words betray her. “Lead the way.”
Chloe starts to get up, but Len interrupts, “Let me carry you?”
She blinks twice as Len waits for an answer.
There’s a beat before he understands; the two blinks were her answer. Any other day, he’d feel nostalgic of their old system, almost lost to time. Two blinks meant it was alright to hold her, and one meant “Stay the fuck away”. The beauty in their understanding of sorts was that he listened. Always.
He wonders how she’ll react to being healed and scoops Chloe up as carefully as possible, but not carefully enough, and she inhales sharply, a cold hiss through her teeth. “Sorry, sorry.”
She only holds her opposite shoulder and grunts, presumably an “It’s fine,” but Len will never know.
At their tavern, Len steps to the side, a semi-conscious Chloe in his arms, for the Healer to open the door. “We’re here,” he whispers to Chloe, “You’ll be alright soon.” He feels her nod into his shoulder.
Inside, Eden is amazed to find a building that couldn’t possibly fit inside the small space the street front offered. “How…”
“Magically expanded,” answers Len, accustomed to the question. “The people who were here before us did a number on the place.” His insides turn at the thought of the Dijens. They would tell him to bring Chloe upstairs, so he does.
“Set her down,” she points, already pulling out supplies from pockets that Len didn’t see at first.
Chloe winces when she’s put down, too magically drained to form words, and Len utters another apology before turning to the Healer. “Help her,” he begs.
She puts a hand up and nods. “Relax,” she says before muttering to herself words that make little sense to him; the only one he catches is “posterior”.
Len sits in the one chair in the room, bouncing his leg, his thoughts running wild and ceasing to exist at the same time.
The Healer introduces herself as Eden, at which he sits up, startled, before offering a simple nod and “Len.”
“Has she,” Eden ventures, gesturing at Chloe, “had a previous shoulder injury?”
Len furrows his eyebrows, certain that he won’t like where this is going. “Fell out of a tree once, but that was ages ago and she’s been fine.”
Eden nods, going back to her muttering as Len’s questions of “Does it matter?” and “What does that mean?” go unanswered.
After some silence, she asks, “Do you have any jezdin? She’ll be in too much pain without.”
“Don’t you?” He’s never seen a Healer without jezdin, but his harshness fades quickly. “We have it downstairs; I’ll grab some.”
Eden marvels at him as he walks out of the room, a realization clicking into place.
As soon as he reenters, she starts, “You’re that gang. Kaer Styen?”
“Guilty as charged,” he returns, handing over the small vial of clear liquid. “What about it? You’re a healer without pain medication.”
“I don’t use it.”
Len has to hold back a snort. She’s a purist, then? he thinks.
“For personal reasons,” she articulates, as if she knew Len was going to comment.
He bites his tongue and criticisms.
“Hold this,” she says, handing the jezdin to Chloe.
When the small vial is in Chloe’s hand, she rolls it between her thumb and forefinger, allowing the information to flood her brain. The concentration is perfect—she must have handled this one. That, or Len got extremely lucky. She searches for other substances on the off chance that their storeroom has been infiltrated or vials tampered with and finds none. Her mind wanders elsewhere, thinking about anything that could distract her from the searing pain in her arm.
The warm glow from Eden’s palms helps, but not enough. Chloe’s fingers wrap around the glass bottle, her knuckles turning white, as she delves into specifics: the bonds, the molecules, and their structures. It’s grounding for her; it’s the only reason she doesn’t cry out.
Eden’s light fades away with the soft ringing; she’s done. “You can drink now.”
Chloe does, and with a wave of Eden’s hand, she’s asleep, resting.
“Talk to you outside?” Eden asks as she packs up her supplies.
Len nods, holding the door open for her.
“Now,” she begins, keeping quiet so as to not disturb Chloe, “I can’t guarantee anything except that I did my best.”
“I’m sure that you did.”
She smiles. “But her injuries were extensive, and considering that it’s her second,” she trails off, watching Len bite his lip, the unsaid phrase hanging in the air. And then she heads for the stairs.
When Len notices, he follows her downstairs. “You’re leaving already?”
“Have to get home eventually.”
“You just exhausted your Vessel, I’m sure. Stay for a bit.”
“Thank you,” she says before closing the door on her way out.
Len stares at the wooden door, covered in carvings. He has to find Cal.
-
The cold winter bites at his ears, turning them red, but the numbness only gives him a chance to focus. Without knowing where he’s going, he instinctively heads down the same path from this morning, thinking about the papers they needed.
In the distance, he sees Cal running towards him, papers in hand, but when they get closer, his eyebrows furrow—that can’t be all the papers that they meant to get. Ghetfaer Skarnen had to have more.
“So,” Cal begins, “I went back inside, copied about five documents, heard footsteps and ran. Figured it’s better than nothing.” They pant.
“Let me see?” Len extends a palm. He thumbs through the papers, unable to focus, and resolves to take a closer look at night. “How did you get in?”
“You see, you and Chloe might be better than me with weapons, but neither of you can flirt.” They grin. “I didn’t even think it would work.”
Len laughs, his bitterness about their failed mission washed out by his love for Cal. “I’m glad you’re safe,” he whispers, taking their hand. If Cal were someone else, Len might worry about jealousy, but their relationship is built on trust; he doesn’t need to worry.
“And you. How’s Chloe?”
“Healer came and left; she was really good—definitely knew what she was doing. Chloe’s resting.”
“Good, good. She’ll be okay, I assume?”
Len’s stomach turns at the though of Eden’s voice, asking if Chloe had been previously injured. “Might have lasting repercussions, but,” he breathes shakily, “all we can do is wait and see.”
Cal’s insides freeze. “I shouldn’t have left her alone when we were coming back.”
“You thought I was in danger; it’s not your fault.” He brushes his thumb against Cal’s hand.
“Or I could have taken half the papers, or hell, I could have taken all of them.”
“You couldn’t have known they were going to find her,” Len insists. “You have to stop blaming yourself.”
-
In the dim light, Chloe can barely make out Len and Cal, sitting by the entrance. She props herself up on one elbow, holding her right arm close to her torso. “What the fuck happened?”
“You were slammed into a wall because you can’t wield a knife,” Len says.
“I can,” she snarls, “I’m just bad at it.” Silence passes before “Practice with me tonight?” she asks Len. “Sparring?”
He purses his lips. The Healer said she would be out for at least a few weeks, and there’s no way in hell he’s going to let Chloe spar the day of a shoulder injury. “Maybe,” he lies.
She switches topics, now directed at Cal, “Did you find the documents?”
They glance at Len, realizing that she still doesn’t know. “I found some of them, but I only had time to copy a handful before they started coming for me.”
Chloe lays back down, and her eyes sting with failure. “I had them all.”
Time elapses, and the shadows on the wooden wall seem to flicker.
“Get some rest alright?” Cal says before they both leave her alone to her thoughts.
The replays of the past day aren’t the worst thing keeping her awake—though she suspected they would be—and instead, it’s the agony of finding a comfortable position to sleep in. The thought of jezdin eases its way into her mind, and she shuts it down immediately. I don’t need a drug to take away my pain, she tries to convince herself.
-
Chloe is in the back storeroom, her arm in a makeshift sling, when she hears the tavern door open.
“Hello?” comes a voice in the general direction of the entrance.
Chloe, realizing that Len and Cal must be elsewhere, puts down a glass jar and heads out, surprised to find Eden at the door. “Welcome,” she greets, smiling.
Eden nods. “I’m glad to see you’re doing better.”
“Anything I can do for you?”
“Oh,” she stumbles, “No, I was actually just coming to check in. I’ll be heading out now, seeing that you’re alright.” She smiles and starts to turn around
“Hold on,” comes Len’s voice along with his approaching footsteps. Cal follows. “Eden, can I speak with you a moment?”
Eden furrows her eyebrows and glances at Chloe, who has already disappeared into the storeroom. “Of course.”
“I want you to stay,” he says.
She tilts her head, prompting him to elaborate.
“We could use a Healer.”
“You mean you want me to join your gang.”
His expression says it all, and Cal’s calm posture indicates that they’ve discussed it at length.
Eden laughs. It’s a warm laugh, one that fills the building so even Chloe can hear it. Looking back at Len, she says, “You don’t know anything about me.”
Len pretends to be amused by the worn corner of the table he’s standing against. “I know you’re a Healer from the South Ward, and I know talent when I see it.”
Her mouth hangs open.
“Now, I don’t have much to give you,” Len continues, “a place to stay, some money, and more danger than you could ever imagine, but I think,” he ventures, finally looking back up to meet her eyes, “that you don’t have much at home to stay for either.”
His eyes twinkle, and she hates that he’s right.
-
Len ventures into the jezdin lab after Eden left with a small smile and promise to think on his offer; he already knows that she’ll be back. “How long have you been back here?”
Chloe looks up at the clock. “An hour or so.”
“You can take a break.”
She’s silent, weighing the fine powder on one scale and measuring the exact amount of water necessary before she combines them and mixes with a twirl of her finger, allowing them to react with each other. “I may be injured, but I’m still a damn good Chemist. That would have taken you twice as long.”
“We’ll switch soon then. You know your own Vessel.”
Len has always listened to her—like really listened, and she’s eternally grateful. He trusts that she knows her own boundaries. Good thing, too, or else she wouldn’t still be here, and who knows what that would mean for Kaer Styen.
When he leaves, she leans against the counter, holding a small dosage of jezdin to the light. She knows the chemical properties; she spends hours a day making it. How dangerous can it be?
It tastes like the air in an Elderwood forest, clean and pure. It tastes like home. And more importantly, it softens the edge of her shoulder’s dull throb.
-
A week later, Chloe says that she feels fine.
“Fine?” Cal asks.
“Yeah,” she says matter-of-factly, even adding a convincing smile, “Good as new.”
The thing about plants and roots is that they come as a package; you can’t have plants without roots, and well, if there’s no plant, then there certainly won’t be a root.
-
Chloe shakes out her arm, feeling a twinge from repairing her fraying bow string.
In the right conditions, plants grow back. When they’re run over, they straighten themselves out, but only if the roots remain intact.
She’s just weak, out of practice. It’s not real pain.
It doesn’t hurt, she thinks. Not anymore, the jezdin responds.
The door opens, and Chloe shoves the small vial, now empty, under her pillow.
“Dinner,” says Len.
“Coming. Just uh,” she sputters, taking a deep breath, “give me a minute.”
Len nods but doesn’t leave, his squinted eyes searching for something though he doesn’t know what he’s looking for. “Everything alright?”
“Of course.”
The flower doesn’t survive without the roots—it can’t. It lives its whole life knowing that it depends on something buried deep below its sight, and somehow, it has to deal the simple fact that dependency is not a sin. But in a world where self sufficiency is praised like the old gods’ hymns, what could one expect?
She wishes Len didn’t always listen to her.
-
general taglist: @writing-is-a-martial-art @opes-magnas
When he was but a child, the darkness gave him freedom as everyone was asleep; when he ran from his home in Elderwood to The Hooks, the warmth of darkness hid him from view; and when everything went wrong, it was the darkness that enveloped him in a tight hug. Tonight, the dark of night is proving useful once again, but Len is no longer a child. He’s a gang leader.
&
“You’re nothing but perfect to me,” Len says, eyeing Chloe for a response, which he doesn’t get. He finally admits, “What I mean to say is that I don’t know what I would do without you.”
&
And after a night of not being able to sleep, he does feel safe. He could sob. As expected, Cal’s wings come around, wrapping Len in a warm embrace. “I love you,” he whispers, running his fingers over their arm. “We should wake them up, shouldn’t we?” Len groans.
you guys have been getting SO lucky with content, but have some of cal and len being so, so in love even when they disagree <3 psst this was the snippet that made me cry the other night :D
transcript and taglist under the cut like always!
transcript:
Cal leads him to their room, silent until they close the door and turn to face Len.
“You’re obsessed,” they insist.
“No, I’m not,” he lies, sitting on the edge of the bed and staring intently out the window, the whole room between him and Cal.
“You snuck into the heart of Elderwood—who hates our guts—and now you’re having a fit about the war.”
“The war took everything from me,” Len interrupts. “It shaped me; it’s who I am.”
“Then why not do something earlier? Why now?”
In a flurry of motion, he drops his arms and takes a step towards Cal. “I’m not a good person, Cal. You knew that when you met me; you went out of your way to point it out to me.” His voice darkens. “And I sure as hell hope you haven’t forgotten.”
They swallow. “And you think you can solve all the war’s problems? If someone could, it would have already been done. We knew that the war would come back. Drop it, don’t do this,” they plead, “don’t do this to yourself.”
Len leans against the window, relaxing again. “Did I tell you that when you were passed out, lying on the table with Eden’s healing magic, my every bone ached with a longing that I was afraid I’d never get back? That I couldn’t think straight? That I couldn’t sleep? I stayed up all night talking to Chloe like it was our goddamn days in Elderwood.” He looks at his shoes. “Did I tell you that I felt safer when I was being held hostage than when I didn’t have you? Or that I didn’t check on you because I never wanted to see Eden shake her at me over your dead body?”
They just stare.
“No,” he says, sitting back down. “I didn’t.” Len’s voice is barely a whisper now. “I didn’t tell you that I would trade all of Kjer for us to be together and content, and I was afraid I was never going to be able to. So, yeah. I’d consider myself pretty obsessed.”
