The unspoken words Mulder never said at the end of "Never Again" haunt me. What were you going to say, Mulder??? Huh??? WHAT 👀👀
You mean when Scully says “Not everything is about you, Mulder. This is my life.” and Mulder replies “Yes but it’s…”
I’m not sure what the end of that sentence was going to be, but what happens earlier in the episode might be a clue as to where his head is at during that conversation.
I think what Mulder wants most in this episode is for Scully to wholly devote herself to the X-Files. As he angrily says during their early scene in the basement office….
He says this in response to Scully not wanting to do the work he’s left for her, and he takes this as evidence that she’s not as dedicated to the work as he is. He is actually quite hurt by what she’s saying, which is further compounded by her lack of interest in the interview earlier in the episode when Mulder quite spitefully remarks that in future he’ll ensure interviewees provide her with a multimedia laser show to keep her interest.
Just, wow…
How she didn’t tell him to go fuck himself after that one, I don’t know. Although I think that’s pretty much the expression on her face, at least.
He’s really quite incapable of saying what he’s really feeling, which is that he fears she will one day lose interest in their work, which in turn taps into his deeper fear that she’ll one day want to leave him - will refuse to follow him; abandon him.
Hence the above outburst.
Mulder not acknowledging Scully as equally invested in the work as him is symbolised by this desk fiasco. While Mulder refuses to believe Scully is as invested in the X-Files as him she doesn’t get a desk. She’s seeking his approval and the desk is the ultimate symbol of that approval - his acknowledgement that she’s equally as invested in the X-Files as he is. The episode is about her rebelling against that need.
Makes the fact she still doesn’t have a desk in season 10/11 all the more tragic, imo. I feel like not only should she had got the desk, but her name should be on the damn door too. Show that Mulder has moved on past these petty insecurities of 20 years ago. But no.
Anyway, side tracking…
What he might have been trying to say at the end of the episode I feel is about this deep insecurity of his. That she doesn’t actually want to be on this quest with him and that she will one day find the life she really wants and abandon him. He almost certainly saw Ed Jerse as a representation of an alternative path in life for Scully - a normal life with another man. His upset and fear are no doubt driven by how close Mulder was to losing her, but not to death or abduction this time, but to her own desire for a different life.
Look how lost and fearful he starts to behave when Scully responds negatively to the idea that the X-Files has become her life too.
He’s so insecure about this, and I think that’s what he was going to say at the end of the episode. That yes - it’s her life, but for him, her life is his life too - that he wants them to be in it together - the two of them focused on the X-Files. The search for the elusive truth above all else. He feels what happened between Scully and Jerse is a betrayal of that. It’s unfair and unreasonable of him to feel that way, but he does.
Mulder has a monologue at the opening on season 2′s Colony where he describes the level of dedication he has to the X-Files, and what he is willing to sacrifice to pursue the truth.
Mulder, ultimately, is a lonely man. He is willing to make the sacrifices to follow the path he is on, but in Scully he saw a companion to his quest. Someone to take the journey with him. He resists her at first (early season 1) but eventually he lets her in, and becomes so invested in that idea of having her by his side that now he depends on her. He can’t go back to doing this alone as he verbalises in Fight the Future.
It’s too late now, he needs her - and that probably scares the shit out of him.
The idea she might up and leave him one day is Mulder’s deepest, darkest fear.
Makes the fact she did leave him after I Want To Believe all the more painful to contemplate, eh?