An Official Comprehensive
History, Notation and ANALysis
8:30 ~ Inspector Goon ‐ Feinious
˚★.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚
SECTION ONE °▪︎▪︎▪︎° NOTATIONS OUR IMPORTANT FIGURES
After further consultation and discussion with my fellow members of the OLBOC (Official LUCF Bureau of Communications), we decided that it would be more suitable to elaborate on the deeply complex lore of genius Feinious and his toxic yaoi past lover and long term nemesis, inspector Goon, in an entirely separate post from the character introductions as it gives me the opportunity to go into further detail about events and the people involved. This is the first section of a series of posts that will make up the Offical Comprehensive History, Notation and Analysis of 8:30. I would like to thank my fellow Queens In Fein, employees in felonious and the charitable volunteers for all the support they have given me through my erroneous endeavours.
With that out of the way, I will begin by breaking down some important facts regarding certain feinilicious figures' backgrounds (for the sake of giving decent context) before I begin exploring the depths of each of their characters and writing about the events. This is a long one so I suggest putting the kettle on so you can make yourself a cuffie like the tuffie you are as you start making your way through the rest of this project while using your at home treadmill since you need to start working out to become a buffie.
°~Inspector Goon~°
Likely a name that sounds deeply familiar yet uncanny and slightly off (unless you have read the intro of this page, then you're more familiar with who he is). You have most likely already read stories of a man called Inspector Goole, who is known for his impossibly strong ethical views, advocacy of socialism, his constant "cooly looking hard" at people and for him "not playing golf". As universe-shattering as it is, I'm here to tell you that the enigmatic anti-capitalist Goole has an evil twin brother who opposes him in every ideal he upholds. Inspector Goon.
If Goon is anything, he is a capitalist. The only thing Goon is loyal to is his own bank account and he will continue to feed it with more and more cash until the fabric of the space time continuem itself is visiously torn to scraps. He will do anything to continue serving the British Pound and his own insatiable gluttony no matter who he must abuse and erroneously exploit. He may not be as naturally intelligent as his socialist counterpart, but his greatest ability is that he is deeply callous which has resulted in him being willing to go to lengths no else is willing to.
Justin Case° you weren't able to pick up this peice of information from his name, another one of Goons most strongest and defining qualities is the fact that he is a relentless, compulsive, insidious, heinous, ravenous, insatiable masterbater. This man is literally incapable of not molesting his own genitals. He often hones his wanking techniques (which typically secrete absurdly large amounts of alpha male pheromones to the point where the scent alone can stimulate mpregnancy foe the moids who are particularly breedable) as a device to intimidate those around him into submission or to break their spirits directly. There are very few who can answer further erroneous enquires regarding his brutal method as almost no one has survived untouched to tell the story.
Goon is Feinious' toxic doomed yaoi ex lover and continues to haunt the narrative even when all communications between the two moids are severed. Now that we have established what the relations between our main moids are, I will use take this chance to segue into Phoenicans introduction.
°~Pheonious~°
Along with being known for his many other titles (which one can view on the intro page), his current work as a secondary school Erroneous English teacher (where he is often spotted assigning three people on missions to aquire a singular box of planner a day proceeding to send them to the wrong location and also frequently messing with the HDMI settings on the new whiteboards which, as a result, cause wolf logos to appear on the screen) our Lord and Savour is recognised by the fact that he comes from an oppressive, proletariat background consisting of grueling, harsh labour and very little reward at the hands of his evil ex, Inspector Goon.
The glorious genius feinius is the very centre of our belief system and I could write about him endlessly so I will choose only a couple of points to make about him.
He has an erroneously dark sense of humour, which is attributed to the fact that he is extremely tuff and constantly plays bloxfruits with his life on the line and a bunch of mangoes in his mouth. An example of his insidiously dark sense of humour is when is actually a personal first-hand experience of myself. I had arrived at F24 English, and my bag had been particularly heavy that day as I had many content heavy subjects one after the other. My seat was directly in front of felonious' desk, and due to the seam-tearing amount of books my erroneously enormous backpack contained, I had to rearrange everything. I moved my history textbook, which had an erroneously zoomed in photo of Hitler face on the front cover, onto my desk as I sorted through my things. Phoenicans loomed over from his desk, which was directly in front of my own, and chuckled at the image of Hitler. I looked at him in exaughstion and confusion as he attempted (and failed) to make a dark joke about how the Hitlers face was an interesting choice to put on the cover of a history textbook. I was already miserable and disenchanted by life, and hearing phoenicans awful attempt at humour only further distraught me and drained out what little will to live I had still managed to cling on to.
Another personal experience I have with feinious that is worth mentioning is the shitcident. Once again, I had been another unfortunate victim of having F24 English on my timetable for the day so I made my way to the dreaded classroom. Upon arrival, I noticed all my classmates lined up outside of the room, which isn't unusual, considering we all try to minimise the amount of time we need to spend in proximity with Phelonious (this is because his breedable omega pheromones in combination with the stink trail the years eights leave behind from their disgusting unwashed bodies and the pungent smell of the coffee phenious drinks - because he doesn't give eefoc - makes the air in the room corrosive to breath in), so I didn't question it. And I continued to not question it. Until we were fifteen fucking minutes into the GCSE English lesson with devious feinious no where in sight and sitting with the information that when he finally does decide to make an appearance, we were going to have to make up the time to complete all the work he set for us during our lunch. We were all still outside the classroom, waiting patiently and talking amongst ourselves when we begin to smell something rotten from below followed with a loud flush. We all leaned over the edge of the barrier to see what was happening on the ground floor just to see phoenicans exit the bathroom. We had waited for almost twenty minutes and had to make up the missed lesson time during lunch because our teacher took a massive shit. He unsurprisingly avoided eyecontact as he breasted boobily up the stairs, his pheromones wafting around the air and leaving visible stink trails. Once he finally made it inside and we took a long time to settle in, he complained about how little time we had to do the work to which someone very reasonably and correctly pointed out was his fault for being late and he replied "I had something to do."
If you have made it this far, I deeply appreciate you for partaking in our erroneous activities and supporting pheonolicians in the process of this. Unfortunately, this post has been long delayed and not as elaborate as I would have preferred due to Dr. Follow and Santyll spreading disenchantment and misfortune within the mystical villages. To protect yourself from becoming a victim of their malicious, nefarious activities, I suggest that you all sleep with your copy of The Titans Bride and Jinx tonight.
GOOD DAY, AND GAY MEN.
Fein... OUT 🫃🫃💦