#uncle birdy

[birdbrainxxme]

(Uncle Birdy)

[edenavari]

ALRIGHT STORY TIME FOLKS YALL SIT DOWN NOW AND LISTEN TO YALL'S UNCLE BIRDY

SO UNCLE BIRDY GOT REALLY LAZY THIS MORNING AND DID NOT FULLY GRASP THE CONCEPT OF GETTING DRESSED, RIGHT? BLOODY RUDDY THING, GETTING DRESSED -STILL CAN'T STAND PANTS BEING MANDATORY IN MOST SOCIAL GATHERINGS- BUT LET'S NOT GET INTO THAT RN BACK TO THE STORY:

SO UNCLE BIRDY THOUGHT HER KIGURUMI -YES I FUCKING SAID 'HER' UNCLE BIRDY IS A 19 YEARS OLD WHITE BISEXUAL GIRL NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN DONNY- SO SHE THOUGHT HER KIGURUMI WAS A PERFECTLY SUITABLE OUTFIT TO TRAVEL FROM HOME TO WORK WHICH WAS TRUE IN THE MORNING BECAUSE SHE HAD A LIFT RIGHT

BUT IT JUST SO HAPPEN THAT AUNT HENRI, THAT PIECE OF SHIT, GOT ARRESTED AND IS NOW IN PRISON AND UNFIT TO GIVE UNCLE BIRDY A RIDE BACK HOME -IF YOU MUST FUCKING KNOW, DONNY, AUNT HENRI IS LIKE TWENTY SOMETHING MOST LIKELY STRAIGHT AND VERY MUCH A MAN [HANDSOME BLOODY MAN TOO, THE GIT] WHO LIKES TO MAKE DRUGS SOMETIMES WHICH IS FINE BUT HE GETS CAUGHT ALL THE TIME BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKING IDIOT NOW WILL YOU FUCKING SHUT IT DONNY PLEASE-

SO NOW UNCLE BIRDY HAD TO WALK BACK HOME RIGHT

ON THE HIGHWAY

WEARING A FABULOUS TURQUOISE & PINK UNICORN KIGURUMI

WHICH WAS JUST FINE THO UNCLE BIRDY HADN'T THOUGHT HER SHIT THROUGH BY COUNTING ON AUNT HENRI AND DIDN'T EVEN TAKE HER IPOD  THIS MORNING -DON'T FUCKING DO THAT MISTAKE EVER KIDS ALWAYS BRING THE MUSIC THERE CAN'T BE NO PARTY WITHOUT THE MUSIC AND NOBODY WANTS THE PARTY TO FUCKING STOP BECAUSE YOU WAS CARELESS-

SO NOW UNCLE BIRDY IS WALKING BACK HOME ON THE HIGHWAY WHEN

SUDDENLY

SOME MAJESTICALLY IMBECILISTIC A-HOLE DECIDE THAT IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO HONK AT UNCLE BIRDY WALKING ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD -YOU DO NOT EVEN FUCKING REALIZE HOW FUCKING STARTLING AND POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS IT IS TO HONK YOUR CAR HONK AT PEDESTRIANS WHILE DRIVING LITERALLY TWO FUCKING FEET AWAY AT 90MPH

AND NOT ONLY ONE

NOT TWO

NOT THREE

BUT FOUR FANTASTICALLY STUPID A-HOLES HONKED AT UNCLE BIRDY AND GUESS WHAT KIDS

THEY WERE ALL

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM, PASSENGERS INCLUDED, *DRUM ROLLS*

SURPRISE, SURPRISE

MOTHER

FUCKING

WHITE 

BOYS

NOW DONNIE YOU FUCKING BEHAVE ALRIGHT DON'T BE A STUPID FUCKING CUNT HONKING AT GIRLS OR ANYONE WHO ARE JUST MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS WALKING WHEREVER THEY OFF TO YA HEAR

AND BY CALLING THEM CUNT I AM INSULTING CUNT CUZ EVERY GIRL WITH VAGINA KNOWS BEST THAN TA FUCKING PULL THAT SHIT

DON'T YA BELIEVE ANYONE TELLING YOU THAT IT'S OKAY TO CATCALL OR HONK AT PEOPLE ON THE FUCKING STREET

THAT CONSTITUTES HARASSMENT AND COULD NOT ONLY PUT YOU IN A LOT OF SHIT YOU'LL STENCH OF FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS BUT IT COULD ALSO BE EVER LOVING MOTHER FLIPPING DANGEROUS AS FUCKING HELL IF PEDESTRIANS BE HAVING PANIC ATTACKS THANK TO YOU OR JUST PANICKY REACTIONS AND THROWING THEMSELVES THE WRONG WAY OR PEOPLE IN CARS GETTING THE WRONG IDEA AND PULLING OVER AT THE WRONG PLACE

YOU FUCKING HERE W/ ME KIDS

DON'T EVER BELIEVE JUST CUZ YOU GOT A COCK IT MEAN YOU CAN'T USE YOU FUCKING BRAIN