I had a kind of mini-breakdown a few years ago, and one of the records that I listened to a lot thru that time was Electrelane’s last album, No Shouts, No Calls. Not because the subject matter had anything to do with what was going on (it didn’t), but because it’s a record with a powerful emotional wallop and that was what I needed to prop me up back then. To The East is one of the best songs on that album and while it’s not really a happy song and certainly one that I associate with an unhappy time, I only have good memories of it: it seems to warp reality around itself.
It starts with just a kick drum and a single repeated bass note, but builds gradually and gains pace as it gets wrapped up in Verity Suzeman’s plea to an absent lover. I think the key to its greatness is that, though her longing is unmistakable, she never sounds very convinced that it will change anything: you can tell that it’s a waste of time and yet she does it all anyway, she really can’t help herself. And so, when the song takes off in the chorus, the burst of emotion that breaks is like a dam-burst, an uncontrolled flood of wailing which eventually just couldn’t be contained. Backed by a step change in the music, as the guitars kick up and the group harmonies storm in behind her, it forms a kind of knock-out blow: its effect on me is very similar to being hit in the head with a frying pan.
Part of the process of picking these songs has been walking around with them on a big playlist, which got revised whenever something wasn't good enough. While at times that approach hasn’t always suited To The East (it benefits more from being played over the speakers) I’ve never seriously been tempted to not include it here: it simply means too much to me. Before I wrote this, I got the CD out and put it on the stereo, the idea being to make a few notes (for the notes) to guide me. By the end of the first chorus I was already in floods of tears and they didn’t let up til the end: I guess that To the East still feels like a lot sometimes. It’s a song that was a friend to me at a time where I didn’t have much hope and its central idea, that the singer absolutely knows that everything is fucked but is determined to pretend that it might come good, is something that still feels very familiar.
Part of the #Uncool50 project, a sort-of autobiography told through the memories of pop singles. This installment covers the second half of the 2000s. Nothing from 2005 or 2006, by now my head had been turned by European hits and the anglophone stuff just wasn’t fun.
The theatre kid who made it. "Grace Kelly" came out of nowhere at the start of 2007, as flamboyant and ostentatious and unashamedly queer as anything. Mika sounds like Freddie Mercury, the lead singer of Queen who was snatched from us far too soon.
The homophobes hated it. Of course the homophobes hated it, they cannot stand anything fun, colourful, honest. One review at the time said, "Like being held at gunpoint by Bonnie Langford", as if this was a bad thing!
This song is fun, it's catchy, it worms into your ears and is never going to leave. Might just be the greatest pop song of the decade. More power to Mika.
The greatest pop moment of the decade comes straight after the breakdown in "About you now". We hear the chorus line again – "can we bring yesterday back around?" But this time it's different – a little higher-pitched, a touch yelpy. And there's a gloriously discordant high tone, "coz I know how I feel about you now".
By this time, we're up to Sugababes 3.0 – Siobhan's long-gone, Mutya's been replaced by Amelle - but the songs still remain awesome. Dancey-electronica with a scuzzy overtone. And the video with the young man parkouring his way around south London, hopes to meet up with his date on the Southbank.
My long list of 300 songs had a lot of Sugababes – "Overload" and "Freak like me", "Too lost in you", "Ugly" and "Change" all featured. But none of them have this yelp of joy, that’s the clincher.
"This is the life", Amy MacDonald's defining hit. Breakthrough single "Mr rock and roll" had positioned Amy as a troubadour, sings songs about people's lives. She uses a few words to describe a scene, and whoosh – we're in it!
"This is the life" is a personal, probably autobiographical, song. "So you're sitting there with nothing to do, talking about Robert Riger and his motley crew". Life-affirming through its melancholy, drunken nights out and waiting in for friends and thinking both that this is excellent and this is terrible.
Number one for the year in Belgium, Netherlands; for some weeks in Austria and Czechia; top five in all civilised markets around the continent. And number 28 on Britain, because the playlisters and programmers in London are a complete waste of space and goodness knows who pays them. Amy's built a hugely successful career in Europe, and still makes top-drawer albums to this day.
So I started hanging out with a bunch of friends from the karaoke bar, and we went out to a maize maze, ears of corn up to eye level. Or for Caz, ears of corn over the top of her head. Caz managed to lose contact with the group, get lost, and had to be rescued by the tall stablehand.
We welcomed Anna into our friendship group, and she turned out to be the glue to hold us together, and we loved her dearly. "Bulletproof" by La Roux is one of many many songs from those years. This time, maybe, I'll be bulletproof.
Fear of Music: how many songs does the average list put in the top 250?
Given…
We collectively split 52,370 points between 3103 songs.
Precisely one 40-pointer missed the top 250.
… how many top 250 singles can you expect to get in from your list?
The key here is to work backwards. We know that exactly four people voted for the number 250 song. Exactly four people voted for the number 249 song, and every song up to number 163. Exactly five people voted for numbers 162 through 111, and so on.
Now, if we can say at random who voted for what song, we might be able to come up with a distribution and an expectation.
Here are my assumptions [and, in square brackets, why they don't fully hold true]:
There were precisely 104 complete lists, and nobody gave up part-way through. [Real life: 99 complete and nine partial lists]
I don't care about the precise ranking, only about attributing songs back to their voters.
** Consequence: Bonus points, split vote quotient, seeding, how many times it's been on BBC 6 Records - all that gubbins does not matter.
Everyone voted independently, without looking at each others' lists. [Real life: did not happen, and designed not to happen. However, I think the basic idea holds - there was no particular effort to co-ordinate votes, and nothing that looked obvious as ballot stuffing - there wasn't an influx of Take That fans all voting for "Up all night".]
Entries in the top 250 are independent of each other. If you voted for "Crazy in love", you were no more or less likely to vote for "Single ladies". [Real life: may be more accurate than it sounds - voters seemed reluctant but not wholly unwilling to list more than one single by the same performer.]
The points allocated to records will roughly mirror the allocation in #Uncool500 last year. Statisticians say this is a "Zipfian distribution", which I thought was something George cleaned off his fur.
** Broadly, this is holding true. I've used actual data up to the 8-vote break. Based on the shape of votes last year, I've assumed that the winning song will get 18 votes, the top ten get 15 votes, and the top thirty 10 votes. [footnote 1]
So, for song 250, I picked out four voters at random - without duplication in these voters, because you can only vote for a song once.
For song 249, I picked out four voters at random - without duplication in these voters, but I didn't care if any of these voters picked the songs above.
Note how voter 87 has voted for songs 247 and 246 - this is quite fine.
And so on, and so on, and so on, up to 18 voters for the top song.
And then I simulated 50 editions of #FearOfMu21c. Fifty sets of the top 250, each song allocated back to their original voters. And then I tallied up how many songs each voter had made a hit in each list.
The most common single value was 14 hits, the middle value was 16 hits. Two-thirds of the lists got between 12 and 19 hits, and it would be an unusual list to get fewer than 9 or more than 24 hits. [footnote 2]
Based on the assumptions I've made, we can all expect to get between 12 and 19 of our list into the top 250.
[footnote 1]
Here's the full breakdown of how many votes I expected each position to get.
These are approximate figures, and subject to some variation. The most important finding is that about 1614 votes are used to make the top 250 - everything else is discarded. [footnote 3]
[footnote 2] I reckon that Excel's not-quite-random number generator has some sort of echo, as there were a surprising number of lists scoring 30 and more hits. This really shouldn't happen.
[footnote 3] …and 1614 used votes divided by 104 lists gives an average of 15.5, so I could have saved myself a lot of effort.
Below the fold, all the songs I'm considering as best of the 21st century so far.
The project is #FearOfMu21c (pronounced: fear of music), a follow-up to last autumn's #Uncool50. It's devised and run by Arron, @[email protected].
Between 1 October and 19 November, I present the 50 best singles (in my personal and highly subjective opinion) released between 2000 and now.
A few notes:
Whether it's a new rule, or I missed it last time, a single in the performer's home market is eligible. That allows an awful lot of European hits and more than a bit of CanCon. Good.
Arron uses the long 21st century, anything first released as a single on or after 1 January 2000. Album tracks released in 1999 and as a single in 2000 are eligible. Singles first released in late 1999 are not eligible - Santana's "Smooth" (released October 99, peak April 00) is the major casualty.
Remixes of 20th century tracks are not eligible; re-recordings are. If the performer has gone into the studio again, it's eligible. Nick Kamen's "I promised myself 2004" falls foul of this rule.
50 songs in 24 years is a high bar, and I don't think any one performer has more than a couple of brilliant moments; Arron limits us to five per performer. Performers get roughly one longlist entry per ten years of activity starting in 1995. One Direction gets one entry, Adele's considered for two, Pink is entitled to three.
Eurovision Song Contest is effectively a double album every year, with Junior Eurovision adding a third disc to the box set. Respecting the spirit of Arron's rule, I'll limit songs made famous by the contests to a maximum of five places on the final list. I've put no limit on other songs by (J|S)ESC performers, or those from broadcaster finals.
Songs from #Uncool50 are automatically considered for the longlist, and you may reasonably assume they'll be in the final 50. Two were replaced - after my host gave feedback "Let me blow ya mind" was replaced by a different song from Texas 2001; and "Wildest dreams" is replaced by "Blank space" in a blatant attempt to consolidate the "1989"-era Taylor Swift vote.
No space for pervs, racists, and horrors: songs performed or written by R Kelly, Lostprophets, Kayne West, Dizzee Rascal, Chris Brown, Xavier Naidoo, Cee-Lo Green, and Hedley were not considered. Had they been better members of society, at least four of those acts would have made the very long list.
Knowing the likely voters, the majority of songs other people vote for are performed in English, Poplish, or some close approximation thereof. Songs in foreign languages are going to have to be excellent to make the top 50. At some point, I'll present a month's worth of songs in Any Other Language.
WTAF is a single in the 21st century? I've used these rules of thumb:
2000-2004 - released as a CD or vinyl single anywhere in the world.
2005-2014 - promoted as a standalone download to radio in the performer's home territory; or a chart single on a major chart.
2015-2023 - promoted with a video or to radio in a major market; or a chart single on a major streaming chart.
(My biases: major markets are Europe or anglophone. I don't have enough exposure to Asian music.)
In the lists, songs are noted like this:
11 - likely to get a bonus - one of four ELF POINTS or the singular DOUZE POINT! for the best song of the decade. (And you can assume it'll be somewhere in the 50)
% - featured on #Uncool50
~ - replacement for #Uncool50 track
£ - mentioned in dispatches during my #Uncool50 writeup
€ - not anglophone
Stars and Elves are at the top of the annual list; the rest are presented roughly as I remembered them. Years are approximate, and I've not (yet) checked to confirm that each track meets the criteria for a single.
2000
%My star - Brainstorm
%Reach - S Club 7
17 again - Eurythmics
Never be the same again - Melanie C ft Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes
Goodnight moon - Shivaree
I hope you dance - LeeAnn Womack & the Sons of the Desert
Gotta tell you - Samantha Mumba
Tonight and the rest of my life - Nina Gordon
€Fuoco nel fuoco - Eros Ramazotti
2001
~Drops of jupiter - Train
Invalid litter dept - At the Drive In
Over the rainbow - Eva Cassidy
Where I wanna be - Shade Sheist - r&rap
Superman (it's not easy) - Five for Fighting
Turn off the light - Nelly Furtado
Fallin' - Alicia Keys
It takes a fool to remain sane - The Ark
Sailing off the edge of the world - Straw
Resurrection - PPK
Virus of the mind - Heather Nova
2002
11%*The middle - Jimmy Eat World
£Freak like me - Sugababes
Home and dry - Pet Shop Boys
Addicted to bass - Puretones (blatantly ripped off by Girls Aloud)
Skater boy - Avril Lavigne
Envy - Ash
Breathe your name - Sixpence None the Richer
All the things she said - Tatu
With or without you - Scala & Kolacny Brothers (.be)
A sorta fairytale - Tori Amos
2003
Year 3000 - Busted
Bring me to life - Evanescence
You're the storm - Cardigans
Hip teens don't wear blue jeans - The Frank Popp Ensemble
Girls keep secrets in the strangest ways - Ephemera
Twisted little star - Bertine Zetlitz
Lady Stardust - Lisa Miskovsky
Hey ya - Outkast
€Outlandish - Guantanamo
Defying gravity - Wicked OCR
2004
%Take me out - Franz Ferdinand
%Chewing gum - Annie
Toxic - Britney Spears
Somewhere only we know - Keane
Nearer than heaven - The Delays (electronica, soaring vocal)
Get some sleep - Bic Runga
Dog song - Nellie McKay (coffeehouse piano bop)
California - Phantom Planet
Four to the floor - Starsailor
Float on - Modest Mouse
Perfect wave - Barlow (eligible?)
Eighth world wonder - Kimberley Locke
Save a horse (ride a cowboy) - Big & Rich (bro country)
Talk shows on mute - Incubus
€Forza - Nelly Furtado
Books - Belle & Sebastian
Don't go (girls & boys) - Fefe Dobson
€Mourir demain - Natasha St Pier & Pascal Obispo
One thing - Finger Eleven
€Amerika - Rammstein
Alpha beta gaga - Air
The promise you made - Kate Ryan
A love that will last - Renee Olstead (smokey piano ballad)
You are the generation that bought more shoes and you get what you deserve - Johnny Boy
2005
The world is mine - Hooverphonic
Destroy rock n roll - mylo
€Le souvenir de ce jour - Jenifer (chanson)
€Ma philosophie - amel bent (dancey chanson)
Shiver - Natalie Imbruglia
What's in it for me - Amy Diamond (inspiration for EVERYONE AT JESC 2019)
Going missing - Maximo Park
See you as I do - Trijntje Oosterhuis
King of the mountain - Kate Bush
Soul meets body - Death Cab for Cutie
Coin-operated boy - The Dresden Dolls
First day of my life - Melanie C
I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor Arctic Monkeys
Song For Lovers Flopstars
All about us - Tatu
2006
U + ur hand - Pink
Nature's law - Embrace
Welcome to the black parade - My Chemical Romance
Hips don't lie - Shakira
Pull shapes The Pipettes
€Aimer jusqu'a l'impossible Tina Arena
€Nolwenn ohwo! Nolwenn Leroy
I Belong To You - Eros Ramazotti ft. Anastacia
Everybody's Gone To War - Nerina Pallot
breaking free - zac efron vanessa anne huggens
Sing To Me Lisa Miskovsky
€Baila morena Zucchero
One Mary J Blige & U2
It's not that easy - Lemar
Portions for foxes - Rilo Kiley
Röyksopp's night out - Röyksopp
Walking backwards - Angela Ammons
Low happening - Howling Bells
The adventure - Angels and Airwaves
Once and never again - The Long Blondes
That old pair of jeans - Fatboy Slim
Ocean size love - Leigh Nash
Speljet (Mr nice guy) - Trine Dyrholm
Lloyd, I'm ready to be heartbroken - Camera Obscura
2007
%Grace Kelly - Mika
11%*About you now - Sugababes
11% When we were wolves - My Latest Novel
My best friend - Hello Saferide
Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne
My idea of heaven - Leigh Nash
Summer wine - Ville Valo & Natalia Avalon (murder ballad)
€Ein stern - DJ Ötzi
The sweet escape - Gwen Stefani
Close your eyes - Racoon (emo ballad, properly sung unlike Lewis Capaldi etc)
Treehouse - I'm From Barcelona
Young folks - Peter, Björn & John
Thou shalt always kill - Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip
€Heul doch - LaFee
Potential breakup song - Aly & AJ
€Divine idylle - Vanessa Paradis
With every heartbeat - Robyn
Foundations - Katherine Nash from Wealdstone Pony Club
Amaranth - Nightwish
The balance - Fiona Bevan
Ah Mary - Grace Potter and the Nocturnals
Brooklyn's on fire - Nicole Atkins
Jolene - Jill Johnson (the cycle of Aaron's music challenges)
2008
%This is the life - Amy MacDonald
Up - The Saturdays
€Dégénération - Mylène Farmer (reinvents herself)
New soul - Yaël Naïm
Time to pretend - MGMT
€Le menage - Stanislas (timeless fairground la-la-la)
11%0,000 nights - Alphabeat
Shut up and let me go - Ting Tings
LES Artistes - Santogold
Crying blood - VV Brown
White winter hymnal - Fleet Foxes
One step at a time - Jordin Sparks
Numb - Honey Ryder (crushing stately girl band)
Don't call me baby - Kreesha Turner
Heartbeat of the city - Kendi (rap & semi-classical break)
€Allein, allein - Polarkreis 18
Politics in space - Kate Miller-Heidke
2009
11%*Bulletproof - La Roux
Bad romance - Lady Gaga
Rabbit heart (raise it up) - Florence & the Machine
The climb - Miley Cyrus
The fear - Lily Allen
€Eisblumen - Eisblume
Give it to me right - Melanie Fiona
February air - Lights (ultra-chill electronica)
It's a sin - The Jade (glam rock)
So human - Lady Sovereign (Jools MF remix, interpolating "Close to me" Cure)
I didn't just kiss her - Jen Foster (reply song to Katy Perry)
My canvas my skin - Soulcage (emo-rock)
Release me - Agnes
The show - Lenka
Jiggery-pokery - The Duckworth-Lewis Method
We are the people - Empire of the Sun
Goodbye - Kristinia DeBarge (empowered crushing breakup)
Remedy - Little Boots
Fools - The Temper Trap
First train home - Imogen Heap
Fireflies - Owl City
€Krieger des Lichts - Silbermond (power ballad)
Meet me on the equinox - Death Cab for Cutie
I got nothing - Chartjackers (BBC Switch demonstrate how stupid it is to try and rig the chart)
Cry me out - Pixie Lott
According to you - Orianthi (snotty breakup with uselessbloke)
New York - Paloma Faith
All the right moves - Onerepublic
2010
%Say you love me - Voodoo Hussy (got a dj sacked)
Neutron star collision (love is forever) - Muse
Cry me a river - Michael Bublé
Wavin' flag - K'naan
On a mission - Gabriela Cilmi
Need you now - Lady A.
Home - Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros
Bee - Lena (jazz-pop)
The flood - Katie Melua
You and I tonight - Faber Drive (totes emo)
Two sisters - Emily Portman (proper folk ballad)
On your head - Tiffany Page
Paris is burning - St Vincent
All time low - The Wanted
Born free - MIA
Get some - Lykke Li
Christmas lights - Coldplay
Firework - Katy Perry
2011
11% Downtown - Saw Doctors / Petula Clarke (joyful!)
Sister wife - Alex Winston (squeaky indie)
Pumped up kicks - Foster The People
Uncharted - Sara Bareilles (loud piano banger: Tori Amos x Chas 'n' Dave)
Clementine - Sarah Jaffe (angsty rock, folk tinge)
Price tag feat B.o.B - Jessie J
Moment 4 life (feat. Drake) - Nicki Minaj (haunting rap)
My body - Young the Giant
Sing it loud - k.d. lang and the Siss Boom Bang (21st cent kd i'm most comfortable with)
The edge of glory - Lady Gaga
Something in the water - Brooke Fraser (jolly clip-clop country song, different from Carrie Underwood's)
Sunset in July - 311
Swagger jagger - Cher Lloyd
Hide and seek - Christina Novelli (songwriter phase)
Learning to ride - Caitlin Rose (multitrack angel vocals)
New age - Marlon Roudette (Europop with dark tinge)
Red solo cup - Toby Keith
Anti-hero - Marlon Roudette (emo rap)
2012
£Closer - Tegan & Sara
Stronger - Kelly Clarkson
Anything could happen - Ellie Goulding
Youth without youth - Metric
Never go back - Grace Potter and the Nocturnals
Somebody that i used to know - Gotye
Call me maybe - Carly rae jepsen
We are young - Fun.
Next to me - Emeli sande
Good time - Owl City & Carly Rae Jepsen
Black heart - Stooshe
Spectrum - Florence + The Machine
Alone again - Alyssa Reid ft Jump Smokers (Heart's "Alone" + rap)
Dance with me tonight - Olly Murs
Video games - Lana Del Rey
€Ai se eu te pego! - Michel Teló (flamenco, chantalong)
Blow me (one last kiss) - Pink
€Avant qu'elle parte - Sexion D'assaut (gloomy rap)
Girl on fire - Alicia Keys
Guardian - Alanis Morissette
€Lila wolken - Marteria, Yasha & Miss Platinum (more gloomy rap)
Girl like me - Frances Wood
€Le sens de la vie - Tal (poppy bop)
Tage wie Diese - Die Toten Hosen
Last night - Lucy spraggan
Concrete angel - Gareth Emery
Whirring - Joy Formidable
We were children - Tribes
Loveless - Said The Whale
Superhero - Bigkids
Safe and sound - Capital Cities
2013
Feel the love - Rudimental
Best song ever - One Direction (waves at Stacey-Mae Anaïs)
Pompeii - Bastille
The days - Avicii ft Robbie Williams (covers two stars in one hit)
Royals - Lorde
A thousand years - Christina Perri
€Papaoutai - Stromae (absent fathers)
Wings - Birdy
€Whatever - Cro (skater pop)
Here's to never growing up - Avril Lavigne
Am I wrong - Envy
Work bitch - Britney Spears
Selfies - Nina Nesbitt
€Un angelo disteso al sole - Eros Ramazzotti
Boys With Girlfriends - Kate Morgan
Make A New Dance Up - Hey Ocean! (chirpy pop)
Hold on we're going home - Drake f/Majid Jordan
Falling - Haim
Don't Look Down - Boxes (uplifting indie)
Get Lucky - Daft Punk
wicked games f/anna naklab - parra for cuva
2014
~Blank space - Taylor Swift (repl Wildest dreams)
11% Take me to church - Hozier
Calm after the storm - Common Linnets
Something in the water - Carrie Underwood (about her experience in the mikvah, right?)
I will never let you down - Rita Ora (big career from singing basic love songs in a contemporary style)
The heart wants what it wants (nervy, glitchy)
Happy - Pharrell Williams
Rather be F/Jess Glynne - Clean Bandit
Waves - Mr Probz
Ghost - Ella Henderson
Budapest - George Ezra
Hideaway - Kiesza
Chandelier - Sia
Prayer in C - Lillywood & Robin Schulz
Nobody to love - Sigma
Let it go - Idina Menzel
All about that bass - Meghan Trainor
Cool kids - Echosmith
Punks don't dance - Crystalyne
€Atemlos durch die Nacht - Helene Fischer
The man - Aloe Blacc
Habits (stay high) - Tove Lo
Say something - A Great Big World with Christina Aguilera
Somebody to love - Sigma
She looks so perfect - 5 Seconds Of Summer
Geronimo - Sheppard
Wild heart - The Vamps
Girls chase boys - Ingrid Michaelson
2015
%If you love someone - The Veronicas
11% New americana - Halsey
Not my soul - Destiny Chukenyere
Black magic - Little Mix
Send my love (to your new lover) - Adele
€Est-ce que tu m'aimes - Maître Gims
Running with the wolves - Aurora
Shut up and dance - Walk The Moon
Lean on - Major Lazer
Ain't nobody (loves me better) - Felix Jaehn f/Jasmine Thompson
Bills - Lunchmoney Lewis
Never forget you - Mnek & Zara Larsson
Runnin (lose it all) - Naughty Boy f/Beyonce
Fight song - Rachel Platten
One last time - Ariana Grande
€Avenir - Louane
€Christine - Christine And The Queens
Follow your arrow - Kacey Musgraves
Don't be so shy - Imany
Live forever - The Band Perry
Makeba - Jain
2016
%Can't stop the feeling! - Justin Timberlake
€No degree of separation - Francesca Michielin
The arena - Lindsey Stirling
Believer - Imagine Dragons
This one's for you - David Guetta & Zara Larsson
Under the influence - Elle King
My church - Maren Morris
Cake by the ocean - Dnce
If love was a crime - Poli Genova
This girl - Kungs vs Cookin' on 3 Burners
Don't let me down - The Chainsmokers f/Daya
Stressed out - Twenty One Pilots
Stitches - Shawn Mendes
Perfect strangers - Jonas Blue f/JP Cooper
I hate u, i love u - Gnash f/Olivia O'brien
In the name of love - Martin Garrix & Bebe Rexha
The sound of silence - Disturbed
Lost on you - LP
Better - Hezekiah Walker
Sink like a stone - Naomi Pilgrim
Best kept secret - case lang viers
Feel like fallin' in love - Madison King & Rhett Miller
Sit still look pretty - Daya
Starving - Hailee Steinfeld
2017
Castle on the hill - Ed Sheeran
Chained to the rhythm - Katy Perry ft Skip Marley
Issues - Julia Michaels
Symphony - Clean Bandit f/Zara Larsson
Be mine - Ofenbach
Call on me - Starley
Stay - Zedd & Alessia Cara
Rooftop - Nico Santos
Blinded by your grace - Stormzy f/MNEK
Get what you give - Felix Cartal
Lights down lox - Max f/Gnash
Guys my age - Hey Violet
€Chocolat - L'artiste
€Millionär - 187 Strassenbande
2018
%IDGAF - Dua Lipa
€Anyone I wanna be - Roxie Weigel
Make your own kind of music - Paloma Faith
This is me - Keala Settle
Flames - David Guetta & Sia
Friends - Marshmello & Anne-Marie
Meant to be - Bebe Rexha
Eastside - Benny Blanco, Halsey & Khalid
Strangers - Sigrid
Shallow - Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper
€OK ou KO - Emmy Liyana
€À nos souvenirs - Trois Cafés Gourmands
Broken - Lovelytheband
€Bella ciao - El Profesor
Baby shark - Pinkfong
Candy cane lane - sia
Feel it still - Portugal. The Man
€Mayachki - Yulianna Karaulova (breathy Russian pop)
€Dicke Lippen - Katja Krasavice (jittery neu-deutsche rap)
€Sand - Molly Sandén (delicious ice mountain)
€Perta - Manw
Call - Francesco Yates (horny hookup disco)
Sweet but psycho - Ava Max
2019
Arcade - Duncan Laurence
How would you feel - Krezip
Rollercoaster - Danny Vera
Skyward - Davina Michelle
Bad guy - Billie Eilish
Don't call me up - Mabel
€Con calma - Daddy Yankee & Snow
Break up with your girlfriend - Ariana Grande
What lies ahead - Kensington
€Blauwe dag - Suzan & Freek
Some say - Nea
Let nature sing - RSPB
Better - Lena & Nico Santos
€Cordula Grün - Die Draufgänger
€Alles is nog hier - Og3ne
Into the future - Chef'special
Acapella - Mikolas Josef
Summer girl - Haim
€Banshee - Anna Kearney
You're somebody else - Flora Cash
Uh huh - Jade Bird
2020
Release me - Hooverphonic
Underdog - Alicia Keys
Symphony - Sheppard
€3sex - Indochine & Christine and the Queens
€La fièvre - Julien Doré
€Svag - Victor Leksell
Death bed - Powfu, Beabadoobee
Someone to you - Banners
Lost in yesterday - Tame Impala
Husavik - Will Ferrell & My Marianne
If you think this is real life - Blossoms
€Soms is het te laat - Wies
The watchman - Eimear Quinn
Water witch - The Secret Sisters
Blinding lights - The Weeknd
€Punk fu! - Daria Zawialow
Wap - Cardi B
My silver lining - First Aid Kit
Ra's song (When you're mine) - DC Super Hero Girls OST (voice: Jason Charles Miller)
At this table - Idina Menzel
2021
New shapes - Charli XCX ft Christine & the Queens, Caroline Polachek
My heart goes (la di da) - Topic and Becky Hill
Island - Alice Merton
€Adem je in - S10
Hypnotized - Purple Disco Machine & Sophie And The Giants
Wellerman - Nathan Evans
€Lose my mind - Myra Granberg
€Blijven slapen - Snelle & Maan
Treat people with kindness - Harry Styles
Don't shut me down - ABBA
Abcdefu - Gayle
Serotonin - Girl in Red
Up - Inna
Ik wil dansen - Froukje
Strangers - Laura Tesoro And Loïc Nottet
That's how it goes - Zoe Wees
2022
11%*Snap - Rosa Linn
Anti-hero - Taylor Swift
Secrets from a girl (who's seen it all) - Lorde
€L'enfer - Stromae (depression)
She's all i wanna be - Tate Mcrae
Multicolor - Son Mieux
We don't talk about Bruno - Carolina Gaitán/Mauro Castillo/Adassa/Rhenzy Feliz/Diane Guerrero/Stephanie Beatriz
Ufo - Roxen
€Meisjes van honing - Pommelien Thijs
The wexford carol - Anuna
Numb little bug - Em Beihold
€Solas - Sophie Lennon
Christmas in L A - Olivia Rox
Bring on Christmas day - Joss Stone
2023
Flowers - Miley Cyrus
Vampire - Olivia Rodrigo
Runaway - Onerepublic
€Pardonne-moi - Louane (silky pop)
Thumbelina - Lizzy Hilliard
€Stiekem - Maan/Goldband
Boy's a liar - Pink Pantheress
Bittersweet goodbye - Issey Cross
Six feet under - Smash Into Pieces
Over & over - Only The Poets
Strangers - Kenya Grace
Not strong enough - Boygenius
My body - Coi Leray
Cinderella snapped - Jax
Dance the night - Dua Lipa
Now to slim these 457 tracks down to 50. Wish me luck!
When they write the history of music in 2022, they will ask, "Why did "Snap" not win Eurovision? It's the biggest crossover hit since "Volare"."
Rosa Linn wrote from the heart, about a horrible crushing breakup that left her questioning everything.
It's a song to confirm your agency. Yes, dear listener, you do have the strength to shape your life.
You can break out of your mopery. Rosa’s mood is shown on stage as a room covered in sticky paper notes. Literally papering over the cracks.
You are better than those other little shits.
And - by Toutatis! - this is a song that younger me needed to hear.
The hurt will pass.
Don’t listen to what other people want of you; they’re not you.
Be true to yourself, take it one day at a time, one hour at a time. And - eventually - it’ll stop.
Life.
Gets.
Better.
"Snap" crossed my radar as a song to preview for the Week, and that only because AMPTV had won last year's Junior Eurovision. Two listens, a look at the video with Rosa's house flying through the winter skies near Yerevan, and the song has moved rent-free in my head.
"This is going to be big. Hit, hit, a thousand times hit."
Listen to Quizzy Dan's Eurovision Special, and I'm properly gushing over this song, a happy "yesssssss!" as it qualifies for the final.
And then gently gobsmacked as "Snap" takes off around the world. The people spoke, and the people said, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”
Doing big things on TikTok! Top ten in the DACh! Number one in Flanders! Number one in Sweden! Top of the airplay charts in France! Top of the airplay charts in Germany! The Billboard charts! Nobody good gets into the Billboard charts!!
“Snap” even gets into the horribly insular charts on the Isles Trans-Manche! It disqualifies itself from #PopInjustice, which is strictly reserved for songs that didn’t make the top 40. I could not be any happier.
“Snap" is my song of the year. It's gone straight into the global culture, a touchstone for anyone who has ever been let down. A massive group hug for a massive group.
Most of all, “Snap” reminds me that life goes on. I’m glad to have shared a little of it with you.
The penultimate part of the #Uncool50 project, a life told through music.
This episode covers the 2010s, pretty much all of them. Music as a whole certainly hasn’t got any worse than when I was young, but the stuff I don’t like is much more visible. Commercial forces have chosen to force rap and R&B into the mainstream, and this isn’t the area I’m drawn to.
The early 2010s were the turbopop era. So many great songs, and so many that I could have chosen on musical merit – but they don't have the same memories as earlier years.
One song that does - Tegan & Sara’s “Closer” (from 2012) - is not eligible because they never released it as a single, or promoted as one, over here.
The Veronicas are like being embraced in a warm hug, a gig to promote love and happiness and general positivity. On their 2015 tour, Jess and Lisa were supported by Badflower, who have gone on to bigger things.
"If you love someone" takes me back to that gig, a final night with Anna before she moved away. And confirming – as if it was needed - that being you is more than enough.
(Awesome photo by Madie Ramser)
Taylor Swift, the voice of the millennial generation. For my money, the album "1989" is Swift’s strongest work, every track has a hook, every track tells a story, every track is worth a listen.
And when I was in Texas in autumn 2015, Jae and I listened to "1989" right through, cruising down the interstate as the sun slipped down over the horizon. "Wildest dreams" was the song in hot rotation at the time, and it'll always take me back to that trip with my best friend.
Another honourable mention: “Not my soul”, the best Eurovision song of the decade. Destiny Chukenyere’s classic was never promoted over here.
Greatest pop song of the 2010s? "Can't stop the feeling!", a disco confection more perfect than any millefeuille. Start with a funky bass riff, add on some sampled guitars and horns to accentuate the chorus like Wham! did.
The lyric doesn't have to mean much, in fact it's probably better if the lyric doesn't mean anything. It's a feelgood song, an instant classic… and completely overshadowed in its own lunchtime. Didn't even win Best Interval Act at the 2016 Eurovision Song Contest.
(Awesome photo is taken from the broadcast. It encapsulates the controlled madness of Eurovision like a Renaissance painting.)
Dua Lipa has a solid career of pop hits. She's cornered the market in disco pop, with any number of songs to soundtrack the last few years. For the list, "Idgaf", a song about your own personal contradictions and battles, and how they can leave you stronger.
Which is basically where I am in my life. Settled, content, doing stuff. And that might make the final pick a surprise...
Part of the #Uncool50 project, because pop singles evoke memories, and form the backbone to an autobiography. This one is from November 2010, when it was cold.
"Say you love me" by Voodoo Hussy. It’s a watershed moment. On one side, the 20th century top-down love-what-your-given style of music appreciation.On the other side, the 21st century bottom-up we-love-our-faves style.
Voodoo Hussy was a scuzzy underground punk band, who played to audiences of about 20 on a good night. They’d split up around 2009, but gave it another go after lead singer Shabby did some television work in the summer.
Voodoo Hussy fans were loud and emotional and in-yer-face, and loved their band with a passion. Being mostly late-teen girls, they could be an intimidating crowd – large in number, vocal in support of their passion, and didn’t give a toss about cultural norms. VH fans were all completely lovely and caring and wouldn’t actually hurt a fly, but any large group can appear intimidating.
We join the story in early November 2010. The fans are giddy with excitement, whipped into a frenzy because there’s a new single looming, and it's going to be premiered on the wireless. It’s the first time ver Hussy have been played on the radio anywhere. Ever. The premier is on Kerrang Radio, in a slot called "Rate It or Slate It".
In this feature, the presenter solicits listener feedback on two new releases. According to the announcements, the presenter - a no-nonsense chap called Luke Wilkins - takes feedback while the song is playing. Whichever song gets the better listener reaction is deemed the winner.
We think that Kerrang wanted listeners to hear the song, and then to make a judgement. We think that, but Wilkins didn’t actually say it. Voodoo Hussy fans respected no boundaries, and shared their love for the band right from the off.
The presenter noted before playing the track that he'd already received feedback on a song he hadn't played. His instinct is to be suspicious, and believe in a convenient conspiracy theory. Luke Wilkins said that Voodoo Hussy's record company had wheeled out astroturf, and that this was all part of a promotional campaign by some PR person.
Young and eager and highly-involved fans? Simply not possible. Not in the host's world, he's too deep in the major label scene to believe in grassroots rock 'n' roll. Maybe he’s forgotten what it was like to have the blood run hot, to have a passion for music.
Luke Wilkins eventually determined that he could not separate "real listeners" from "the label's fans" and deemed the record "disqualified". By default, listeners had preferred the prior track, a release by 1970s warhorses Motörhead.
Ouch. “Disqualified”, “not real listeners”? That's emotive language, setting himself up to be attacked. The fans rose to the obvious bait, and attacked both the presenter and the station. The presenter refused to back down, and decided not to air a pre-recorded interview with the band.
Luke Wilkins made the assumption that Voodoo Hussy's record label and/or public relations company was responsible for the flood of pre-emptive comments. His position was completely undermined by the facts: the group did not have a PR agent, and was not signed to any label.
There was a wider point - Kerrang Radio had always assumed that everyone operated in the narrow confines of the for-profit record industry, with all the hangers-on to suck from artists. (It’s one of the reasons why Kerrang Radio was always a disappointment and never as good as it really ought to have been.)
Mostly, it was a clash of styles. Wilkins and Motörhead came from the regimented world of formal singles and release dates. Voodoo Hussy were the modern anarchy of bottom-up songs. Mötorhead fans have other interests. Voodoo Hussy fans had their one passion.
At twelve years’ remove, we can see how Kerrang Radio was on the wrong side of history. The people won out with their anarchy. Listeners decided what would be a hit record – Justin Bieber's "Love yourself" became a huge hit after being the most-streamed track from his album. I'll come back to this meta-point in entry 50.
Because there was a premium-rate phone-in, regulators OFCOM got involved; because he hadn’t got the authority to “disqualify” the record, this incident cost Luke Wilkins his job. (Contrary to rumours in the fandom, not because they had played the rude version of "Say you love me" at 7.15pm, which begins with an MF-drop.) Last I heard, Wilkins was pottering about with motorbikes.
Voodoo Hussy played together for another year but split up as real-life careers intervened. The band's nucleus went on to form Legend in Japan, whose "Absent friends" was on this list - until I twigged it had never been promoted as a single.
Another part of the #Uncool50 project, singles help tell an autobiography.
Two trips to the States in 2001. High summer in Dallas to see Jae, where we bopped around to clubs and restaurants. They always seem to play one record absolutely everywhere, and that week was "Let me blow ya mind", by Eve and Gwen Stefani. A great record, made even better by my best friend.
New year in Tucson with Helena and our way-cool friend chelle. One of chelle's passions of the moment was Jimmy Eat World, and "The middle" was the current single. The trip helped me through a very dark place, and Helena gave me a framework to think. The greatest gift she could give.
Ten years later, I was taking part in a charity event, which asked participants to make a line of the clothes they were wearing. "It's like that Jimmy Eat World video," I said to my companion... but more of that in a later installment.
Does any song have a greater opening ten seconds than "Take me out"? The twanging, reverberating guitar, Alex Kapranos' vocal cuts through. And then the beat kicks in, and we're away. Still gives me goosebumps after all these years.
The Popworld years, Simon and Miquita take the piss out of pop stars, then a bunch of us gather on Livejournal to chew the cud and wonder about Busted and The Noise Next Door and Lemar and Sugababes. And to share our tips for great pop tunes.
"Chewing gum" came from that group – was it Bridgey, was it Cam, was it anyone else? It's chirpy, it's even more aloof than Walter T Softy, it's Madonna-era pop funk reinterpreted for the following generation.
