Gay for the Stay
In prison, there’s a term: Gay for the Stay.
That’s what they call straight men who start relationships with other men while they’re locked up. They’re only "gay" for as long as they’re inside.
Funny, isn’t it? Imagine if I, as a gay man, could simply flip a switch and decide when I wanted to be straight. But unlike them, I never had that choice.
At first, I was easy prey. I was quiet, withdrawn. And in prison, any sign of vulnerability makes you a target.
Chad was my first experience inside. He was beautiful. Deep blue eyes. The moment we met, I knew something would happen between us. But we never kissed. We never touched the way we wanted to. Our connection was intense, but full of unspoken barriers.
I believed I could save him. He told me about the drugs, about how he loved living on the streets. He called it "a lifestyle." Deep down, I thought I could pull him out of that world. But the truth is, you can’t save someone from themselves.
I was emotionally wrecked multiple times in prison. I chased love, thinking it was something to find, when in reality, love is something you build from within.
Today, I understand that my solitude isn’t a curse. It’s the result of growth.
