Thursday snippet
Read Undercover Lover on ao3 and a possible chapter 2 snippet under the cut…
thank you @eastwindmlk for the amazing banner!
When his shift finally ends, and he’s changed into his regular clothes, he knows he should leave. Go home, eat, rest, sleep and come back tomorrow morning. Again, his feet go back to the ICU, this time they bring him straight to her bed.
She’s still unconscious, her bed is surrounded by machines, other than that she’s alone. He checks for her name and doesn’t find it, which means the hospital has no means to contact any next of kin or emergency contacts.
James wonders if she remembers him, or if she moved on along with her boxes and perhaps has already met someone else. It’s been over three months. And even if he hates the thought of another man sitting in the blue hospital chair, holding her hand, it feels wrong she’s here all alone.
He pulls the chair up, sits down and takes her hand in his.
With the steady beep every time her heart beats in the background he tells her his name, tells her how he looked for her. Despite her pallor he can still see freckles scattered over her cheeks and nose. Her lips are separated by a plastic tube, held in place with white tape across her face, some hair has got stuck underneath as well. He touches a loose strand with his free hand, and remembers how soft her hair had felt then.
James swallows down the bile that threatens to rise up from his stomach, his grip on her hand tightens. This version of her is all wrong, she is too dull, too lifeless, too alone, and he knows he can’t go home.
He doesn’t know how long he sits, just holding her hand in silence. But once he begins to speak the words just keep coming. He tells her he isn’t going to leave, not again. He tells her his name, asks hers, chastises himself for leaving that night. He tells her he went back to her apartment, and to the bar but no one could tell him anything about her.
He asks if she really is a spy, if her jokes were actually a cover-story.
Even when he knows she can’t hear him he keeps talking. Even when he knows she won’t wake up and answer, he keeps asking her questions.