“You’re sad again, what’s wrong?”
Nothing
“Tell me”
Nothing
“Tell me”
I don’t feel cared about
“What that’s my fault? I’m in the wrong again?! Always am with you”
No, I just feel disconnected and no one actually considers me.
“Whatever I don’t have time for this, you are not my priority”
You literally pushed me to talk about it. Just go do what you need to do.
“Well then what is wrong?”
I’ve just told you. Your response is making me feel much worse
“I don’t care. I have far more important things to do right now”
Got it.
“What’s wrong with you?!”
_______________________________
I’m not sure if I’m crazy, but this conversation has broken me today. The lack of respect of boundaries, the battering of telling me that they don’t have time for me, the reassurance that I don’t fit in their list of things to care about. Small interactions like this are killing me. The constant “tell me where you are” and then straight after “I don’t give a shit”. The never ending cycle of “oh you’re sad... oh this actually doesn’t interest me, smile and get on with it”. The “give me all your attention but have none of mine”. Drained.
I feel crazy. I feel complete mental, because my reaction after and sometimes during these interactions makes me look fucking psycho and I’m not. I’m just asking to feel like I matter, or to be left alone if that can’t be provided. I’m clutching at straws to regain a sense of self worth and importance, I feel unseen. Unrecogniseable to myself. Trying too hard to tear away whilst I’m trapped. Can’t even be poetic, I just need to get these thought out of my head or else I’ll say them out loud