You Try to Talk but Your Words Just Fall to the Floor
Have you ever found yourself trying to speak, but the words just seem to fail you?
...Have you ever tried to speak but no one seems to listen?
Have you ever spoken but were shut down because your words don't matter?
Every day of my life I've solely devoted myself from the beginning of this year to the one person who occupies the current space in my heart. It seemed so silly, at first, that anything could really work, but the more patience the saint presented, the more it seemed to reel my interest and ultimately harvest my heart.
But just like the sun horizons through the sky in hopes of keeping warm content hearts--its interrupted by dull gray and its entailing rain.
All those pink colors waned as reality seeped its way back into my eyes. I've tried my hardest to keep those close to me as happy as I could, endlessly trying to relate as much as possible and keeping their sanity in my own.
Not everyone is the same--it becomes painful when that "not everyone" is the beholder of your metaphorical heart.
It's been a challenge to talk. Communicating physically doesn't come easy to me--I'm hindered by all these thoughts and emotions of how to impress and how to please. Not everyone ticks the same, not everyone believes the same and not everyone likes the same. We're all custom-made in our beliefs, in our experience and most importantly our outcomes. It's not as simple to just form a conversation and not the same approach is applicable to anyone.
But I try my hardest to relate.
As a communicative creature with riddled hormones and spirited, outspoken, opinionated mind, I've tried to talk in the hopes to keep the thread of my sanity well gripped and thick. I respect other opinions keeping in mind my own is not correct--keeping in mind not everyone was raised the same way. But I've seem to fail to relate; the simplest of achievements to keep the other content--I seem to always manage a way to darken that bright light. Trying to mend things to the best of my ability as I know how, it only keeps getting shut down as if my own weren't of importance.
This is getting out of hand.
I'm altering my own being and I never seem to please, it never seems enough to anyone. It sounds childish, it sounds selfish and above all--it sounds like some trivial issue a highschooler will overcome... but that's not the issue at hand.
Couples talk about their problems in order for them to be resolved.
If only it worked that way in all situations.
My words aren't of matter--my opinions aren't important in the sea of million opinionated others. Sew away at my lips together, the world will be better off without another mouth to rise and speak.
I'll resolve to all the things I've known best to resolve in my life; my best friend who's accompanied me in this journey through thick and thin, who's been the ears to my sorrow and the book to my wounds. They've never shut me out--they've been more than happy to welcome all the inaudible, unintelligible ramblings that my mind races across too many times to count--my pen and paper, the trustworthy companions of my recollections and memory.
These eyes are growing tired of being wiped dry; these lips are tired of being pressed together in order to keep the peace and happiness aligned. These ears have grown weary of all the cruel shouts to keep me quiet. This brain is tired of the damage and control its been deprived of--and this heart has grown exhausted of all the mending processes it has been jostled through time and time again for this foolish human being. Perhaps some time, when I learn how to grow up, these lips won't be quieted like a dog--helpless and victimized.
