I spent my years feeling nothing.
My birth flight emphasizes logic, objectivity, reason. I believe I am... was... none of those. I hatched as numb as the ice itself, yet in their own objective observations they missed my empty soul. I passed for them, because I emulated them. When an event goes poorly, one frowns, one may even yell or treat others poorly. When there is a favorable outcome, one smiles, or at least nods and makes some motion of appreciation. That is what one does, so it was what I did when presented with such situations.
I took a mate out of nothing but practicality. I knew there was a charge to seek, that he was not it, but with no feeling to speak of I had no drive to pursue my born purpose. I clutched out of practicality. Healthy fledges were a credit to the clan, and could be sent to serve as a credit to the whole flight. Most were exalted as necessity went. Half I never even bothered to name, as it was an unimportant detail to my existence. Enough were troubled by this that I did my best to come up with something on the occasion I remembered. After all, if it is done by even my unemotional birth flight, it is logical to conclude the practice is sound. Yet... There is no inherent reason behind parroting the society of others. It came to... trouble? me enough that I stepped away from my clan. I don’t think I bothered to tell any one. I considered my departure at the time to be unimportant; my return was highly likely.
It is curious how little I remember of the time and place I met my Aeyna. It was a gathering of some sort, the purpose unclear, but there were rations to be had and I followed my nose out of hunger. She played. Her music... Her music... Shattered. Something. I know there are words for it. The whole of the world has words for it because they live it, but I have no frame of reference to connect those words to my experience. It... It ANGERS me to no end...
She... She was jostled, uncomfortable, attacked by a number of “fans” - of their own description - when she had concluded her piece. No one noticed the effect of their selfishness. No one cared. I nearly eviscerated a ridgeback and tossed a dozen of smaller origins before I was aware of my actions. I must have shouted about possession, they didn’t try to retaliate, just removed themselves as quickly as possible. No matter the wrong done, they knew better to separate a Guardian and Charge. I circled her and pulled her close, silky, soft, sweet, as insubstantial in body as the wind she came from...
I understood later my sudden actions unsettled her. Aeyna slipped from my coils and ran. I, of course, pursued until she removed herself into a tree I could not tear into without risking damage to her. Her voice... I- I fear that she could talk me into anything with that voice... I- but, she simply talked me down. Down back into my glacier of perception, or as far as she could as the source of my emotion... I am ever grateful she allowed me to accompany her home. I know she was still unused to me and it... chaffs, the thought that I ever was a harm to her.
The other sisters have begun to aid in my understanding and convinced sweet Aeyna’s acceptance. My days are commonly cold still. Her protection necessitates it. She travels more than ever for her divine studies, for performance, and her music has a powerful effect on listeners. My discipline is tested each time... And she understands and, I deduce... appreciates? my attentions as guard now.
I am ever more grateful that she comes to me in private and allows me moments of love.
