Discover Top Posts Tagged with #uniwoes

November 15th: HUZZAH! Guess who just wrote over 10 000 words the past week? 🙋🏽 Relieved all assignments are done for the sem. On to finals 💪🏽 #uniwoes #nofilter

#nofilter #uniwoes

FUTURE

My vague vague future. It is so hard to make decisions before it even begin. Everyone around is planning for their future, planning for their life, planning for the worst, thinking of alternatives, thinking about possibilities, making necessary preparation, reading ahead, honing their talents, searching for what they want to pursue, talking about university, knowing the pros and cons, readying to enter, saving up for university, studying extra modules etc. But what the fuck am I doing? I am listening at their plans, too lazy and unbothered to think about what I want to pursue. I have friends planning for their future, already starting to do major savings, talking to people about their university options, considering their options while I, am not doing anything. I’m afraid to do anything, and I am afraid of not knowing what I want to do. I don't want to admit my lack of efficiency, I am scared to start thinking about my future. I don't know what I want. I don't know whether I can do well. I don't want to end in failure. I am afraid of failing again, because this time, it would mean big consequences. It’s my future, my life and it all rest to the kind of choices I will be making at 20 years old.

I have been lucky for the past 10 plus years in my country - I did badly for my PSLE but i got into the NA stream of a good school, I got accepted into a good course without much credentials (others have flowery CCA background). And now, I literally just threw everything away in Poly. I got so sick of studying and I didn't even bother fighting for what I wanted. I just listened to my parents. I am so scared of doing anything now. I am so scared of failure that I rather just give up before it even happen.

I finally thought I had a bright and promising future when I found a course that interests me, plus I can going together with my best friend. I had the happiest 1 hr, drowning in the thoughts and possibility of studying aboard at a known college and in a course I have always expressed interest. How great it would be to actually go to a beautiful school in UK with my best friend and studying a course I have great interest. I was blooming happy at the mere thought of it and I was pretty much convinced by the time I reached home.

I wanted to share that little piece of heaven with my parents. I finally found what I want to pursue. I finally have a concrete plan for my university plans. BOOM! My little happy balloon was burst in front of me before I even explained why I want to study in that course. And all it took was the reveal of the school expenses. That was what it took to crash my happiness and burning it in front of me with the imagery devils running and pointing at me. It was like I told them the funniest joke and they just told me to study something else cause “whatever I will be studying will not reflect in what I will be doing”.

It was like a thousand arrow went straight through my heart and it wasn't even a crime. They didn't even bother hearing me out. They didn't even consider it. What’s the point right? I am just gonna fuck this up just like my previous years of studying in poly. I mean, its not like what they say so openly about sending me abroad in front of my relatives is true anyway. I am just that fucking naive girl that took their words for real.

So now, all I can think of is my emerging adulthood crisis and how i am so close to give up studying.

#studying #uniwoes #future

so far this semester has had a couple themes:

-general panic

-frustration with the first years

-ablaut

#me #uniwoes

my entire bachelor’s degree has just been me stumbling around in the dark, finding things out too late, and fucking up, and generally i just wish i had had someone to tell me this shit in first year instead of fourth

#me #uniwoes #if i could go back in time

i’m 99% sure my prof has disappeared off the face of the earth but on the slim chance he still exists in this dimension, i’m going to tweet at him asking him to email me

#uniwoes

seriously, if you don’t think this entire department is just the setup for some bad sitcom you’re wrong bc it features, like:

- that one prof who refuses to change offices after twenty-some-odd years

- constant stream of dad jokes

- someone who’s been on sabbatical for three years

- man who cares only for ultimate frisbee

- new guy: king of the inferiority complex

- two best friends who think each others’ work is stupid (they collaborate sometimes)

- white guy obsessed with rap

- we have a trivia team

#uniwoes

whoops i cornish’d