Unlocking the Cage
Several years ago, I worked at Borders Books and Music. This was a great thing for two reasons: (1) I got to work during the liquidation, which inspired me to write a very snarky “Open Letter” that got published on McSweeney’s Internet Tendency; and (2) I got to work with some very cool people, many of whom I still count as close friends. One such friend, Richard Swor, has embarked on an epic mission this summer: to watch, and review, every single Nicolas Cage movie. I was chatting with him about this project earlier today, and he said, “If you ever want to borrow a Cage movie you know who to call.” I agreed that seemed obvious. “My friends have challenged me to use that as a pick-up line in a bar. Someday ...” Richard continued. “Hey baby ... wanna check out my Cage collection?” I suggested. “If I ever get a date out of that I will marry her.” Richard vowed. So ... ladies? This all started as a joke – but somewhere along the way, it became a challenge. Then it became a mission. Richard has even created a unique scale to review Nicolas Cage movies, because let’s face it, you can’t review Nicolas Cage movies using standard movie-reviewing criteria (whatever that may be). Behold, the Cage Criteria:
The only way to rank a Cage movie comes down to these three categories:
Cageiness Craziness: Or an analysis of his craziness in said film.
The Cage Method: For those of you who are unaware, Nicolas Cage claims to have created his own acting style, Nouveau Shamanic. How does his acting hold up to his standards?
Movie: How is the movie as a whole.
Now, I know Tumblr has some sort of weird Nic Cage fetish. I don’t really understand it, but I know it exists. Richard’s created a Tumblr chronicling his “Summer of Cage,” so yeah ... if you’re interested in snarky yet reverent reviews of Cage films peppered with just enough true facts to make them seem authoritative -- join Richard as he unlocks the cage.