seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from China
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Italy
seen from New Zealand
seen from United States
seen from Hungary
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Yemen
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Germany
seen from Saudi Arabia
What Looked Safe
You’re a gun without a safety— not loud at first, not obvious. You don’t come in blazing. You come in close. Warm. Careful with your aim until I forget there’s danger in your hands. You speak softly like nothing about you could ever hurt me. And that’s how it happens— not in a moment, but in the slow lowering of my guard. I stop checking for warning signs. Stop asking the…
Love will always be unpredictable.
When someone teases you to someone or rather you hated someone, don't assume already that you're not gonna fall for him/her. Because you'll never know when will you be Cupid's innocent victim. Soon you'll find yourself falling in love with the person you hated so much a few months ago or maybe a few years back.
Unpredictable Love - why nice guys/girls continue to finish last
It’s Wednesday night, you haven’t heard from him since 2:00am Saturday morning when you were both entwined in an ancient, passionate, nude wrestling match. Why hasn’t he called? He’s a dick that’s why. At least that’s what you keep telling yourself. Is he dating other girls during the week? If he’s such an unreliable asshole, why are you so enamored?
Your neighbors might suggest it’s the headboard-rattling wake up calls that occur sporadically, and only after midnight when his car is parked illegally in front of the fire hydrant. You’re sure that isn’t the case. You like him…you think you like him. At the same time, you hate the nights spent waiting for a text that is never returned.
Why do you do this to yourself? If you’re a dude, reverse the role, it works both ways. People tend to become attached to these disappointing counterparts. They’re more than booty calls, feelings are involved, you’re sure of that. Which feelings? That’s another question. Do humans get some type of sour joy from suffering?
The answer is yes, but not exactly the way you may think. Scientist claim the human brain is highly evolved, capable of compassion, trust and empathy. However, parts of the brain are still running the outdated primate software. The reward system is example of this. Addictions is rampant; drugs, food, sex, they are all wired into the same reward circuit. Good job God. That’s what happens when you cram an enormous project into seven days.
There are plenty of studies on the matter. Let’s start with the vermin. If you reward rats for pressing a lever, say, give them something delicious. Every time the rodent presses down on the lever, it gets a mouthful of peanut butter. This is enjoyable for the rat; however, he’ll get lazy knowing he can access this consistent reward at any time by hitting the lever.
Now take the same concept, lever and peanut butter. But this time make the reward inconsistent. The peanut butter reward is still attached to the lever, yet the exact timing is unknown. These rats don’t get complacent. They are wired like humans, and this inconsistent reward is more pleasurable. Those rats will slam their gross little feet into that lever until the end of time.
It works the same way in our under evolved ape brains. Some psychiatrist at Baylor ran MRI’s on people while offering rewards of fruit juice and water. Like the rat experiment, one group got the splash of liquid every ten seconds, while the others received the refreshing burst at random. Analyzing the brain scans it was obvious that the reward circuit is activated to a much greater degree by the inconsistent rewards. The level of dopamine released for a random reward was significantly higher than that of an expected reward.
What kind of trick is this? Could this be where the “Nice guys finish last,” concept originated? Probably so, with “nice” guys/girls you always know what to expect. The bad boy is the one who will keep you guessing. The strange thing is, most people don’t even realize this is going on. We don’t notice the unpredictable reward system set before us. At times it conflicts with our best interest, yet we continue running back to that goddam lever.
Each time you’re surprised by that late night visit, or even a genuine sign of affection from that jerk, your brain says, “Remember this shit, it feels good, file it under important.” And just like that you’re reeled back in. I’m not going to sit here and tell you not enjoy it. The rewards of inconsistent love can be fulfilling – when they occur. But when your spindly, rat-like arms are exhausted from pressing the lever all night, and you’ve yet to see any progress, at least you know what’s going on. It might be time for something more dependable.
Are “nice guys” forever finishing last? I still have faith in these poor guys. Of course people will continue to wait by the phone, addicted to the hidden rewards wrapped in inconsistency. But to the 4 remaining nice guys, my advice, sprinkle the relationship with unpredictable moments of thoughtfulness. If that doesn’t work, just keep slamming that lever down – and pray.
6/20/13
