#unsure source

[proven-guilty]

i have always thought we were meant to be,

but I have never been sure,

what comes after,

Be

[quotationsoutofcontext]

Soda: I'm not going to pay you for sucking. That's not how the world works. You get paid for being awesome. You don't get paid for sucking unless you're a prostitute. Are you a prostitute?

Ryn: No.

Soda: Then I'm not paying you.

[quotationsoutofcontext]

Ryn: I just had a thought.

Scottie: Sound the alarms.

Ryn: If you took all of the stupid shit we say and published it in a book, it would be a bestseller. People would be pissing themselves in the streets.

Scottie: I know. I piss myself regularly with you guys.

Scottie: -drops bottle of water on my crotch-

Emily: Congratulations, Scottie. You just pissed yourself.

[quotationsoutofcontext]

Scottie: It's your turn to take the trash out.

Shelby: But I don't even live here!

Scottie: You're in my house, you're breathing my air, and you’re going to take out my goddamn trash can.

[quotationsoutofcontext]

Willow: Scottie, I think there’s something weird living in my pool.

Scottie: Don’t kill it. It might be endangered.

Willow: I’m too freaked out to touch it.

Scottie: Good. Whatever it is, hopefully it’ll have babies.

Emily: But then the babies will be too crowded for the pool, and they’ll have to move somewhere else...

Scottie: They’ll live in the sewer.

Emily: But then with all that extra room, they will grow to monstrous sizes.

Scottie: They'll have an entire working colony, complete with an established government and religion.

Emily: A year later, they will have to return to their birthplace to mate, just like salmon.

Scottie: Your pool will be over run with a billion of these gigantic creatures.

Emily: Then they’ll be even more crowded than before!

Scottie: So, in a violent rage, the creatures will destroy your house.

Emily: After making you buy them an even bigger pool to accommodate them all.

Scottie: You refused, but they ate you and stole your money anyway.

Emily: And when these creatures are released into the world, they multiply like rabbits.

Scottie: And become even bigger.

Emily: And then they destroy Tokyo.

(Pause.)

Scottie: I’m sorry, what were we talking about?

Willow: I hate you guys so much.

[quotationsoutofcontext]

Emily: -flossing-

Mom: It looks like your floss isn’t long enough...

Emily: If it was any longer, it wouldn’t fit in my mouth.

Scottie: That’s what she said.

Mom: (ignoring me) I don’t like flossing. I usually get in, get it over with, and get out.

Scottie: That’s what she said!

[quotationsoutofcontext]

Emily: Is there a problem, officer?

Policeman: You can’t park your car here.

Emily: Sure I can! See that sign?

SIGN: "No Parking Mon. Thru Fri."

Emily: It says “No Parking Monday, Thursday, or Friday.” Today is Tuesday.

[quotationsoutofcontext]

Willow: -enters the room-

Emily: ...But instead, I swerved across five lanes of traffic to run over pedestrians and crash into the ice cream truck.

Willow: I can’t tell if you’re talking about video games or your first driving lesson, and that terrifies me.