On private school.
Upward mobility is a tricky, many-sided, sticky beast. On one hand, you don’t want to forget where you’ve come from and become as out of touch as all of the insensitive, privilege-blind dorks out there who think being broke means not being able to afford $30 yogurt or an annual vacation or something else that would be considered stupidly extravagant to the majority of humans on planet Earth. On the other hand, you want to peek into some of the doors that were closed to you for so long and see if there’s anything inside for you. It’s also very strange to grow up believing that you want more and then to become an adult who no longer believes in that same concept of more anymore because you’ve finally successfully convinced yourself that more isn’t for you, because the entire system is as empty and dirty as an abandoned warehouse.
I realize that it will take a special kind of person to get where I’m coming from here, but if you get it, mannnnn: you get it.
Not to bury the lead, but sending your kid off to private school when both you and your partner have only been educated in public schools, when you and your partner wholly believe in the public school system, and when you and your partner are mildly allergic to the ruling class, is weird. Weirdness aside, when that kid of yours isn’t being served by his public school, and you start to remember how frustrating and alienating your experience in public school was, you begin to consider a rewrite of your rulebook.
For some people, sending their kids off to a private school is just a matter of finding the right one. They start with fancy preschools and work their way up. It’s probably a part of their own family histories, so they never really stop to question what that means for their child and other people’s children. I suppose that’s pretty similar to Adam and me believing that the public school system is the only way to support your community, to offer your child a broader, less homogeneous understanding of social life, and to share your child with people from all walks of life.
Personally, after digging deep, we gave ourselves permission to do what we felt was best for Bastian.
Presently, we’re in week two of our private school experience. I’m still very much self conscious of the choice we made, and that constantly comes out in conversation when someone asks where Bastian is going to school now, but I have never felt more excited and at ease sending my baby off for several hours everyday. I can already tell that he’s being considered at a level that we never encountered at our public elementary. Not because his teachers there weren’t qualified, or that there was anything wrong with the school, but because they simply didn’t have the extra time and energy to spend on Bastian and his needs as learner. He actually came home yesterday frustrated that the spelling words were too easy for him, and instead of panicking because I would have to badger his teacher about making sure he was being challenged and then worry that there’d be no follow-up, I could trust that his new teacher will quickly recognize this and make adjustments for him. Because she can. I can’t tell you how good that made me feel.
I should add that I’m acutely aware of what a unique position we’re in to even be able to make this choice. Bastian is a perfect fit for this new school, and our income is low enough to receive a scholarship. Everything aligned perfectly to make this a reality for us, which made it feel, well, right. Also, with Bastian being my first child, this entire process has helped to distill my own parenting philosophy, which is something along the lines of seeing my role as that of a guide and nurturer. It is my job, and Adam’s job, to help Bastian find himself and have access to the tools necessary for him to live a life of his own creation. He has special gifts that could either work to dismantle his confidence and his future as a learner, or they could bolster his entire existence. I will always do everything within my power to protect Bastian’s right to explore and celebrate himself.
I could go on and on, but I’ll force myself to end this exploration on how important it is to me that Bastian consider others, that he constantly check his privilege, that he never lose touch with the suffering of others, but most of all, that he always has the room in his heart and mind to enjoy his place in the world and constantly works to aim higher and make it better.
