#urinary issue

[theamberfang]

Despite not going to bed any earlier than my “normal” (about 0600 in the morning), I ended up waking up quite a few times prior to 1200. I probably had trouble sleeping due to having an appointment.

And yeah, I got the booster shot. Still felt weird about it, but I guess my individual choice in this matter has basically no impact on the larger institutions that deprive underprivileged peoples of access to the vaccine. And on the other hand, my parents very much seemed to want me to get the booster: probably due to very real worries regarding the evolution of the virus

Mom came with me to the appointment so we could shop for groceries afterwards; I practiced “misbehaving” again

While we were out, I used the restroom. At home, I normally pee while sitting down. Since I was out, I just used a urinal, and it made it very obvious that there’s almost certainly something that’s messing up the flow.

It probably doesn’t help that I masturbated the past three days in a row, likely irritating the issue. Between generally feeling better and having the stress of my father talking to me and this appointment, it was difficult to resist. But I do need to step up my efforts restrict myself so it can recover again

And fundamentally, part of this difficulty can be explained by whatever neurodivergence I have going on: I struggle to maintain the memory of past problems, so I largely forget how big of a deal this shit was to me not all that long ago. At the least, I easily forget it in the moment in favor of immediate gratification.

So yeah, I probably really should make an appointment with the clinic to maybe see someone about my mental health and probable ADHD, and hopefully I’d get prescribed something to deal with it

As much as I would like to address the urinary issues in the same appointment, I’d really like to focus on the mental health so that things don’t get sidetracked and I end up downplaying the issue (or allowing the physician to brush it off)

[theamberfang]

Ended up having a hard time sleeping last night, because of the chronic issues. I had a thought about it today though, wondering how much it may help to abstain from masturbation for, like, a couple weeks or so. Physical issues, such as inflammation, tend to be given a couple weeks to a month to heal properly. So the 2-3 days of rest, while proving to be helpful, may be far from the total extent that I can recover. I feel like I’ve made the comparison before, but it’s like hurting oneself via exercise and merely giving oneself a few days to recover before attempting to exercise again.

Something I’m realizing, though, is that practicing abstinence—even for my actual physical health—is itself quite a challenge and a stressor of sorts. It’s not as bad as dealing with irritation that prevents me from sleeping, but it’s still enough that I think I can still give myself some leeway for not making much “progress” while learning not to rely on masturbation as a significant form of stress relief.

I guess I’ll see what the physician says about it once that appointment comes around; I think it’s in a few days. Maybe a couple weeks of abstinence really would be something they’d recommend—if I manage to be fully honest about the habits I’ve had for years. And maybe they can even prescribe something to make it easier, whether directly (to lower libido somehow) or indirectly (something to help with stress; though that would probably require talking about mental health).

Another thought I’ve had is to try hanging out at a library sometimes. A big part of the issue is that I keep spending all of my time in the same place that I, partially, associate with masturbation. And why the library specifically? Well, maybe I could try writing there. I have flash drives to use, or I guess I could use G*ogle Docs if I had to. And bringing books home to read would also just get me off of the computer.

(And I finally have a tag for this particular chronic issue, so—if anyone reads these—they could blacklist “urinary issue” to not read about my need to abstain from masturbation. And it could also be helpful to look up for my own purposes.)