#utiki

[anchored-hopeful]

Jupiter, FL.✨ “For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.” -Habakkuk 2:14

[pleasuretiki]

#tiki #pleasuretiki #leahgizzi #jupiterinlet #utiki @utikibeach @leahgizzi

[pleasuretiki]

Pleaaure Tiki...on the water.... @leahgizzi #pleasutetiki #utiki #lighthouse #jupiter

[tjc73]

Geeking out on this beautiful Old Man Palm. Once a plant nerd, always a plant nerd. #oldmanpalm #palm #palmtree #jupiterfl #jupiter #utiki #utikibeach (at U-Tiki Beach)

[untappedinkwell]

Commence Stress-Fueled Panic

Right, so I'm moving. And I have a lot to do. And I'm going to get a lot done today, I hope. But it's really hard to go through your whole room and sort stuff and get rid of things and decide what to keep/get rid of and whatever.

I did know that being stuck here for 6 days was going to be really miserable and stressful for me. But what I didn't realize is that being miserable and crazy stressed was going to plummet my productivity. I am actively struggling to get myself motivated enough to get things done because: 1. I am in a place where I do not feel comfortable, 2. I am constantly having attention drawn to me and the fact that I'm moving, 3. I have what feels like herculean tasks set out before me, 4. People keep wanting to say their goodbyes and stuff and very few of them are taking into account that they may not be on the list of people I want to say goodbye to or that I may not actually have time to do so, 5. The people from 4. also seem to be of the opinion that I should just skip out on the people I ACTUALLY want to say goodbye to so I can say goodbye to them, which isn't going to happen. 

I DON'T LIKE HAVING ATTENTION DRAWN TO MYSELF

IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE

I AM ALREADY IN AN UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION AND I'M DOING A REALLY GOOD JOB OF NOT HAVING PANIC ATTACKS BECAUSE OF THAT

PLEASE STOP MAKING IT MORE LIKELY THAT I'M GOING TO TOTALLY FREAK OUT BECAUSE THEN I REALLY WON'T GET STUFF DONE

STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS. 

STOP TRYING TO GET ME TO TALK ABOUT HOW I FEEL. 

STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE: "OH THIS IS THE LAST... OH WE WON'T..."

It makes me feel guilty about the fact that I'm leaving. AND I NEED TO LEAVE. It makes me feel guilty about actually trying to put my happiness first for once and trying to be with the people who understand that and are going to support me in it. OF COURSE I want to say good bye to my best friends who helped me make this decision in the first place. OF COURSE I want their help and support and their ability to make me laugh and feel comfortable even when I'm really scared and nervous. I get that everyone else is well intentioned. And I get that I am well liked and going to be missed. But I can't help feeling like the people from 4. only want to say goodbye to me for themselves and aren't willing to take into account that that might not actually be what I need. 

For example, both of the best friends that I am visiting before I go are people who are also going to be helping me. The friend I'm visiting tonight is going to help me decompress and give me a space to just be myself for a few hours. The friend visiting me tomorrow is literally going to help me sort through my room and make trips to the shipping place to ship my stuff. 

Those are both things I really, really need. A dinner out where everyone draws attention to me and expects me to talk about moving and how excited I am when I don't like talking about myself and I don't want to share my excitement or lack thereof is neither what I need nor something I want to do. 

...So if you know anyone who is moving and you want to say goodbye to them, take in their needs before you try to set something up. And if you don't know what they need, ASK THEM. Maybe you could be the person who takes them to go get more boxes or the person who seals boxes and puts addresses or labels on them. Maybe you're the person who gets to play with the bubble wrap. Or maybe you're the person who volunteers to take their stuff to goodwill for them to save them time. THOSE are things that are more likely to get a good reception. Not a situation where they're going to be really uncomfortable. 

I am fairly certain some good stories are going to come out of this. So that means creative writing will actually come back to my blog. Just like... in a week or so. I do want this blog to stay primarily creative and I feel sad sometimes when it isn't. BUT IT WILL BE, I PROMISE.