She freezes — jolts in her steps, lurches forward; the items that she was carrying clutter to the floor beneath her. Fine. He was back. Fine. He was making amends. But she’d avoided him so far. Why not today?
OF COURSE HE SENSED HER FROM A MILE AWAY. Gin knew Rukia was on a route which, inevitably, would make her cross paths with him -- and with his reiatsu simmered so low thanks to the Kido around his remaining wrist maintaining it at a ‘safe’ dropped percentage, Gin couldn’t blame Rukia for not realizing his proximity. For some time now, the last few months of Gin being reinstated... he deliberately avoided her. Even to the point of comical extents, walks with Rangiku nearing the Thirteenth and suddenly diving into the bushes or into an alleyway to avoid her. Not out of any aggressive discomfort or outright avoidance (on his end, at least), rather, Gin knew the poor girl was ---- ... and that he -- well... She was owed an apology, of course, but...
Sometimes he numbly looked back on that moment with her on the bridge, her execution looming like a storm cloud on the horizon, Abarai Renji’s reiatsu flickering in the distance. I COULD SAVE YOU, he said, and it hadn’t been a lie, I COULD SAVE ALL OF YOU. I COULD STOP ALL OF THIS. Why didn’t he? Why didn’t he? Surely Gin could have lingered closer to Aizen’s right, shadowed him more closely on Sokyoku Hill. But he hadn’t drawn Kyoka Suigetsu, not even once -- perhaps, then, when Toshiro ---- but the illusion was already set, and Gin couldn’t draw near without suspicion given the child captain was swift in throwing out attacks that affected the entire area around Aizen. The only other time Gin could have possibly done it was when Unohana was shown the Zanpakuto’s Shikai for a second time -- the way in which Aizen even daringly spoke its name and activated it -- but the likelihood that he’d end up stabbing Unohana was high in that instance. Aizen knew. Aizen always knew. And Gin would end up bloody on the floor the same as Toshiro.
So many what if’s and it killed him, specifically at night. Made him sick.
Wishful thinking: I COULD STOP ALL OF THIS. Wishful, foolish thinking, and turned bitter, too. Turned malicious, antsy and restless -- turned to callous and cruel, wicked, sadistic even. I COULD STOP ALL OF THIS, I COULD SAVE YOU ALL. I can’t stop any of this, I can’t save anyone. The subsequent echoing sound of her strained and broken scream made him want to throw up, but back then? He had simply smiled and smiled and smiled and --
Gin reckoned it was better off if she just never had to directly deal with him ever again. No exchanges of words. No catching sight of him unless absolutely unavoidable. Like right now, because Gin felt at this rate he couldn’t keep darting off, jumping through windows, or, well, anything else comically dramatic like that. She needed something to lessen the big bad wolf image he became in her mind. Something harmless. Something to get them started, so that he could one day apologize for being an asshole. Rangiku did say it was better if he didn’t avoid the people he wronged.
Cue a sprawling outwards of fluttering papers. Sheets upon sheets whipping out across sleek floorboards and -- ah, well... Gin immediately crouched down with a fluid motion, quick to react and to start gathering them up, sweeping papers atop one another with his remaining hand, as he couldn’t gather them into a proper stack single-handed. But he could at least help push them all together. Whether or not she made any move to do so as well was up to her, he’d not chide her for simply staring and awaiting her accident to be rectified by him. It wasn’t her fault he terrified her.
❝ Didn’t mean to startle ya. ❞ A quiet hum whilst he worked to fix the fallen papers. Gin didn’t offer her any sort of smile, here, no. She saw enough of that wicked grin for a lifetime.
