We start with a young, drunk femme enby in their room. What is their name? You roll your eyes, who else could it be? Roxy Lalonde hears a notification and looks to their computer. She sees two messages, one from Dirk and one from Eridan, if you remember their signs right. A grin spreads on Roxy's face, it looks like the mayhem is about to begin. Settle into your seat, grab some popcorn. It'll be funny, promise. She decides to answer Dirk first.
tT: Roxy.
tT: Roxy.
tT: I need help.
tG: whats up drik?
tG: *dirk
tT: I got a date but I need help.
tG: woah, di-stri came to me fr date help?
tT: Yes. I know. Will you help me?
tG: yeah yah, what do u need help with?
tT: My date's name is Eridan. He's hot and rich, and I need a nice place to take him.
Roxy giggles and you realize Dirk doesn't know that she know's Eridan. What is she up to? What's their evil plan? She turns back to her keyboard to respond with a drunken grin, and grabs their martini, sipping thoughtfully as they type. You hope she doesn't black out this time.
tG: sounds like ur bein a godl digger dirk
tG: *gold
tT: No, I'm just worried that since he's rich, he'll have higher standards. But I'm not very rich either, so I need a really nice but cheap place.
tG: DIRK.
tG: ur a VAMPIRE
tG: uve been around for CENTURIES
tG: HOW are you not rich?
tT: Long story. Any ideas?
tG: take him to a sushi place. high end but reasonablr price
tG: *reasonable
tT: I'll ask him if he likes sushi.
You see Roxy frown. "Oh well," you think, "she can mess with them some other time." We switch to a young gay black vampire with vitiligo and amber-orange eyes, who's standing in a dark room. "Ah," you think, "this must be the author's version of Dirk." And you would be correct. Dirk is currently freaking out about a date and is too distracted to turn on the lamp to shed light that the windows would have provided without the blackout curtains. He switches chat logs to his date's to suggest Roxy's idea.
tT: Hey. Do you like seafood?
cA: NO
cA: I'm allergic, sorry
tT: Don't sweat it. I need to know stuff like that.
Dirk turns away from the computer, biting his thumb. It's pretty obvious he couldn't think of anything, and the best option fell through. He leaves his room, likely to see if different surroundings would help. We switch to a young- "What!?" Please don't interrupt the narration. We switch to a young merman with tan skin, black hair with a purple highlight, and a purple and blue tail. He has gills on his neck and sides and sits at a computer. "How does a computer even work down here?" You think. Plot convenience my dear reader. As you've guessed, this is Eridan.
The merman types away at his computer.
cA: Rox I need some help.
tG: u too?
cA: wwhat do you mean?
tG: nvm, whaddaya need eri
cA: I don't think dirk is comin up wwith any date ideas so i wwanna help out.
tG: oh oh oh, i gto this one
tG: *got
tG: take him to an italian restaraunt
tG: *reswhatever
cA: I'll ask him
cA: dirk, do you like italian food?
We see Dirk freak out for a moment before regaining the little composure he has left. Gotta keep up the cool, nonchalant vibe.
tT: nah, i'm allergic to garlic
cA: oh. wwell its good to knoww
You roll your eyes, "WE HIT 653 WORDS, GET ON WITH THE DATE." Fine, fine.
The two ended up settling for a movie binge at Dirk's place. He was absolutely appalled that Eridan had never seen the Harry Potter movies. Dirk had Rose and Roxy drop them off, and Eridan arrived a short while later. Yes, with legs. Although he does carry a backpack filled with water bottles. Dirk pops some popcorn and puts the movie into the player. Eridan's face lights up at the play menu. He tries not to chug a water in one sitting and Dirk sits next to him. Eridan lays his head on Dirk's cold shoulder, and Dirk wraps an arm around him, pressing play. They wrap themselves in a blanket as the movie starts, and Dirk watches Eridan's reactions. He smiles at every gasp, eye widen, small comment, or grin that passed Eridan's face. Honestly, neither of them realized how late it was until they finished the fourth movie. Eridan panics slightly, calming when he sees he still has water. "I havve to go home noww Dirk, but I enjoyed this. A lot. Wwe should finish this another time."
Dirk smiles at Eridan and nods, "Of course. Do you want me to walk you home? It can be dangerous at night. Eridan shakes his head, "No, I'll be okay. I'm newwly equipped wwith spells." They laugh at Eridan's joke, and Eridan bends slightly to reach Dirk's cheek. He kisses it, making Dirk's brain fry and his face flush. Dirk makes the wise choice of not talking. He just smiles and grabs Eridan's hand, bowing and kissing it like the fancy bitch deserves. Eridan leaves and both parties talk to Roxy about it later, telling them how much they liked it. Roxy laughs at how clueless and lovesick both guys are. Having their two best friends rant about how much they liked each other to them is surprisingly fun. Maybe she could invite them to a double date with them, Calliope, and Jane. Oh, the disaster that would ensue.
