#vampiric diary

[draculasnightmare]

Ian writing fanfiction, hes just like me fr

[draculasnightmare]

Why do both tommy and Ian have the same glasses

Also Ian with no glasses is scary now I dont like it

(Watching smosh summer games rn)

[draculasnightmare]

Sometimes I think noooo im not autistic but rn im making a Google doc to document each video that ian and Anthony have both been in since rebuying smosh

[draculasnightmare]

funny story

i go to a different sch to my old friendgroup but recently met up with three of them invduually and ofc we gossiped and i told them how my new friend group had a whole hang out without me and how i feel like i barely have any friends right now and one of these 3 freinds call me how shes thinking of doing a bbq with her friendgriup (old friend group +new ppl) and inviting me as well and ive been really hanging onto this idea, she told me she'd do it before i left to go on holiday whoch is this staurday in a couple days and so ive just given up on this plan but today i had a feeling, what if she does plan sometjing but im just not invited and i told myslef thats crazy im overthinking.

cue to me opening instagram and seeing all three of these girls post about a beach trip. with all those people.

except me.

i am ovethinking just abit cause she said theyd be more poeple at the bbq and those poeple arent at the beach, its just her friendgroup.

but now shes obvs not gonna have the bbq.

and she didnt ask me to come along.

and yeah maybe she didnt plan it and ofc its their friendgriup outing not a general friend one.

and i know im being a bit crazy.

but it still hurts.

ive always had this insecurity that my friends dont like me even thiugh growing up i always had good friends. and ive finally gotten over myself and realized that my friends do like me and want me there but now that my new freindgroup has done stuff like only exlcuding me from a hang out, it doesnt just feel like an insceuity anymore and having this old friendgriup do a simsialr thing hurts.

and i know how i can, they didnt do this spitefully or malcisouly, they are all just hanging out as a friendgroup. which is obvs okay. and im making it about myselfb whatver. i still feel like shit

anways vent over, i need to tell someone and if i tell an actual person theyll see how isnane i am

[draculasnightmare]

Had a dream where I had a partner and we were staying in an Airbnb or something but the host would frequently check on us and we didn't have a moment alone until they left to walk their dog and then me and the partner just made out and had sex but it really wasn't a sexy dream. Cause I woke up and I didn't feel horny or anything, it was more about having a partner who I felt comfortable enough to do that with.

Ive made out with two people in my life so far and each time ive been uncomfortable cause we weren't that close but if it was a close friend I think it would have been better

[draculasnightmare]

So close to killing myself eveythings blown up in my face and I think im about to lose all my friends which has always been my biggest fear and I think its coming true

[draculasnightmare]

Somehow managed to be invited over to a hot girls house to watch a film.....how have I done this ????

Its also the hottest day of the week/year but that wont matter im sure...