1. Introduction to bubbles
"I am a very stupid man" I say.
That's the line that I tend to use whenever I either do a mistake that makes me think "what could have been" or just flat out miss something due to pure and utter ignorance.
For this blog the paragraph above will be mostly referenced to explain a romantic situation. But before getting to that I feel like explaining some things about myself.
I love. I love everything so much. I love people I have just met. I love old time friends. I love people smiling back at me. I love people that kissed me. I love people that hit me. What I really want to say is that if we interacted I will remember you, I will love you.
The main reason for this behaviour is the fact that I always was "lone": a "lone child", a "lone wolf", a "loner, "alone".
There's nothing wrong about being alone at first. At least you get things done, you enjoy stuff without anyone's influence and, most importantly, you develop your imagination a bit more.
Some people say "Expect nothing, appreciate everything". They may have a point and objectively it can help you become happier but it doesn't feel natural for people like me. We dream of all possible and impossible outcomes. We expect everything and, at least I, love that.
"Loneliness" has the same roots as "alone". I do get lonely, often. It's like finding Ali Baba's cave, entering it and realising you're trapped inside. Lonely people often create a personal bubble. It can be of many uses: a shield from society, a sword against problems inside and outside of our heads or even just a sanctuary of peace for our minds.
The danger of this bubble is, as stated previously with the cave metaphor, never getting out. Happilly some of us realise that sooner or later so we decide to start meeting people.
Meeting people is easy. Talking to people is hard. We lived so much in a kingdom in our minds that we didn't realise kings and queens aren't that relevant anymore.
At twelve I decided to finally make the big step. But all I ever knew about social interaction were phrases from the books I have read, the games I have played and the music I listened to. And let's say heroic fantasy is a lot less impressive when wearing jeans and an oversized t-shirt.
I didn't speak that much at first. I listened. I listened to conversations around me. After a few months of hesitation I finally jumped in. I said "Hi, my name is Andy, what's yours?" to the person standing next to me during the first day of class that year.
I can't say that I remember his name but to this day I remember him smiling and giving a typical answer. We ended up talking about stuff we liked, disliked and or simple information about the weather. This conversation was awkward. I stuttered often. There were long silences that I used to think about what to talk about. In hindsight it was an awful conversation and to this day, I love each and every part of it.
Time passed and I got better at talking to people. It still didn't feel completely natural but with what I had I found friends, I lost friends, I had crushes, I lost crushes and I can say that I was generally happier.
