Why You Can’t Accomplish Your Goals and a New Approach
Over the past few years I’ve had the opportunity to do a bunch of seminars on goal setting and the more I spoke, and listened to people the more I realized a lot the traditional frameworks such as SMART don’t work very well. I knew I was really good at achieving my goals, and I knew most people were really bad at it and eventually I began to codify my approach.
It comes down to a system I call, Values Based Goal Setting. It works where traditional goal setting fails. Traditional goals in their most basic sense are a destination. Goal setting as we currently think about it, involves crossing the delta between your current state, and some desired state. You currently weigh 150 lbs, and you want to weigh 125 lbs. You currently make $50,000/year and you want to make $65,000 a year. You are currently single, and you want a companion.
It really doesn’t matter what area of life you are considering, it’s always about moving from your current state to some other desired state. You define that state, steps to achieve them, work on your plan and more often than not you still fall short.
It just doesn’t work, at least it never works for me because it’s externally motivated and meaningful action is difficult. Defining goals is easy, knowing what you want is hard. I mean what you REALLY want. What you really want is another way of saying what your core values are. Not just what you value, but what you can’t live without. Core values are what drive you and define you and without a clear understanding of those, goal setting simply isn’t sustainable.
Once you set goals based on core values, they become intrinsically motivated instead of externally. It’s not about arriving at some change, but about being the change everyday.
Values Based Goal Setting in a nutshell is the creation of your best life through the habit of constantly making the right choices. So what are the right choices? How do we define them, how do we make them? I’ve simplified VBGS into four steps.
Identify your core values, and particularly choose one core value that is not fulfilled.
Set a strong intention that frames your value.
Recognize opportunities to fulfill this intention in everyday activities.
Take Pro Value Actions, every day to move towards your intention. The more you act to get closer to your intention, the close you get to your intention, the more your life becomes a reflection of your deepest core values.
It’s really that simple (not easy) to get what you want. Identify the value, create the intention, recognize opportunities and then see choices as binary. Act every moment by making the choice that gets you closer to your goal and over time, this consistently pro-value behavior will enable you to achieve your most importat goals. This manifests itself in every facet of your life, the multitude of decisions you make that take you closer to your intention will create a life that is a reflection of your deepest values. Having that alignment is fulfilling and exciting.
That’s a mouthful! I don’t know how to describe the concept more succinctly but it is quite simple. SMART and other traditional goal setting tools skip over the most important aspect of goal setting, understanding what you REALLY want and WHY you want it. It’s fine to say you want more money to have a more comfortable life or go on a trip but it’s just not motivating. Everyone wants more of everything, but you got to start with matters most and create a life that is reflective of those deepest values.
These blog posts will dig deeper into the 4 steps, and help you answer the multitude of questions and concerns you have with this system including:
How do I know what I value? How do I create intentions? What if I have multiple competing values? How do I act? Why is it so hard to stick with it? These are all common responses, of course our defensive instincts kick in when someone tells us our goals are easily achievable.
Wait a second, did I say easy? No, easy isn’t the right word, it’s simple and effective but not necessarily easy. But then again, what’s actually hard in life? The hardest thing is making a decision. A firm decision, not a wish or a dream, but a decision which implies forced action. This blog series is about making that hard decision, and then making an infinite number of right decisions to create alignment in your life between your core values and your reality.