Miss. Needy.
Would you wait till I come back? Would you be able to talk to me at 3 in the night maybe 4, when I am feeling like shit about myself? Would you still be able to love me when I grow very fat and have breakouts; when I'm not even close to your idea of “pretty” will I still be your idea? Would you still try to make me laugh when my company starts to bore you? Could I ever bore you? Hadn't thought of that. Would you bake chocolate chip cookies with me like you did for the first few weeks trying to get in bed with me? Would you still do it? Cook? Clean? Clean after me when I am drunk out of my mind or just not in the right state of mind? Would you do it after all this while?- Well, you don't need to. Stupid people idealise love like it’s the most perfect thing in the world. It’s perfect in its own imperfection. Like you’ll never get sad. You know what, it's bullshit. It’s crap. without the stench. But worse. For sure.
See there? I don't make sense at all. I am not even supposed to, who the hell in his/her right mind write at 4 in the morning? At such an odd hour? Well, in my defense in some parts of the world, its one of the most productive hours, it’s 10 am. People are roaring, offices are springing and love is cheating with naive innocent people on some park bench, some cafe, through pillow talking or something as minimalistic as a text message.
Well, I don't want to be untangled by you, I’ve grown quite comfortable in my complications. Then, what do I really want from you? A helping hand, a listener, a navigator because I have a poor sense of direction and if you don’t help me, I’ll be lost, forgiveness. Forgive me when I wrong you because I would never intentionally cause you hurt. Hold onto me through the days when we don't talk after the big fight, because you know it or not, you're on my mind. I will make it up to you, if not today, I promise tomorrow, day after, even after that, till the time I have the capacity, over and over again. Forgive me for the pain I’ve caused you. It wasn’t a lie. I know this cracked us up. I’ll repair it, make an inlay. with all your choicest fillings. I know how much you love colours, you’ll love us too.
I cant sleep when we are not talking, I cant shut out my brain who keeps blabbering, role-playing. Help me out and forgive me, take your time, I mean it not-meaning it, I hope you know what I mean, just come back soon to me. Forgive me, cause I'll never say, you always sulk at me coz I have a horrible ego, it doesnt help to admit it, that I am gonna need you; like I did a day before the math test, you taught me all day and night till I learnt the numerals, when you sneaked me out from my house on your bike in the middle of the night to get me ice candies, when you got cakes made of biscuits coz you loved it when I appreciated your creativity, when you put so much of hard work in making my birthday special for me where only a handful turned up. You embraced my insecurities and whispered to me how beautiful I was till the time I got the confidence to say that to myself. So hey baby, come back to me, because I might get lost. It’s a dark dark world, and my favourite yellow lights flicker a lot.
P.S. (Just for her)-forgot about the post hand cutting fury. till next time. much love.