i wonder
i wonder why you don't hate me
I hate myself.
I hate myself for falling exhausted.
For feeling like this
For feeling like I want to throw up.
I feel like a bad person.
Yet you talk to me.
You interact with me.
I'm exhausted. I blame myself.
Grief.
I can't say sorry for something I couldn't help but.
Can't it feel better than this?
They don't know. They wouldn't.
I never tell them.
I never would.
I never say. And they never ask.
They'll never know the years I spent crying myself to sleep, just because I believed I sucked.
They will never know the days I hated myself.
They will never know the days I hurt.
In truth, I believe that I may always be alone.
Sometimes, I feel I don't deserve the attention I recieve. Just another bother, I suppose.
I wonder when they'll ask.
I wonder if they know.
What wonder if they see me.
Gasping, choking, sighing.
I carry the weight on my chest and shoulders.
They never would.
I never let them know.
I curl up and let the tears roll.
Silence. Shame. Pain.
Just talk to me.
Just. Talk.
I don't want to bother you.
I never do.
