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Time to dump a bunch of my vent doodles on here

Made on:

1 - April 15th 2021

2-4 - November 8th 2021

More garbage nonsense under the cut

#KoguArt #KoguStuff #Koguri #oc #gt #G/t #giant/tiny #handheld #smol #2021 #2020 #Sketchbook1 #vent dump #KoguSona

I’m sorry

TW?: deep topics

sorry in advance if I’m posting on an odd schedule. Some days i won’t be here at all, and some days im here all the time.

I don’t like being this way. I want to stop. I don’t like being chronically online, because I know it’s bad for me and my health, but I can’t stop. I wish I could, but I can’t. I’m tired of it.

I want to say I’ll stop posting, slowly stop being on as much, but I know that would be a lie. No matter what I do, I can’t keep myself away. I’m trying to look for better ways to spend my time, ways where I’m not constantly consuming media online.

I just don’t know what to do. I love talking to all you guys, and being online and interacting with all these people. It gives me a sense of meaning, joy, that people acknowledge me and my stuff. But still, I know it’s not good for me.

I want to be someone my parents can be proud of. Someone who isn’t addicted to their phone, isn’t obsessed with fictional characters. I want to be a better person, to indulge in fulfilling hobbies instead of being online.

im tired of hiding everything, too. I want to be normal. I’m tired of keeping secrets and lying. It makes me sick inside. It makes me feel nauseous, a deep fear gripping my chest. And sometimes, even if I’m in the clear, the guilt comes in and begins eating away at me.

im scared to grow up. I know I can’t go on with this much longer, too. I have to move on, one way or another. Me and my family are both going through a lot, and I’m trying to be there for everyone I can, but it gets hard. I can’t bear growing up. The years will pass too quick, and I’ll have responsibilities, and eventually have to do things on my own. It’s scary.

I could go on for so long, but I won’t. I just wanted to get this off my chest, and apologize for being the way I am, even if you don’t know me. And I’m also apologizing for in the future, for if some way and somehow I manage to force myself away from the screen, that I won’t post much. If I can get away, I probably won’t look back or make a goodbye post, in fear of the addiction coming back.

but for now, I let it eat away at me. Even though I hate it.

#Vent #vent post #getting it off my chest #Vent dump #Ramble

2024 is rlly hitting me with a bang to end off the year!!

Not only am i failing so bad in geometry (I have a 60 passing is 70) but i also found out my not crush old crush semi crush is dating A GIRL… listen to me A GIRLLLLLLLLL

ANOTHER GIRL. DATING. A. GIRL!!!!!!!!

And among other things but gyatt damnit

#2024 #new year #geometry #failing #vent dump

Just a venting shit

Ok so, uh, this is mostly only to get things off my chest without doing it on some place that people know me Guess i’ll start with the romantic part, i still miss her, like... a lot, i sill feel like the first day i started dating her, however, i know it won’t be posible to get her back, at least not for a long time, she thinks that i only see her as a friend now, and that things are ok, but like yeah, no, i wanted to respect her decision on the break up, i still see her though, i know i shouldn’t but, like, she is still a pillar in my life, some people said to me, “you don’t miss her, you miss the moments with her”, and like, no, i have missed moments with someone, and i know the two feelings are not similar, i still LOVE her, however, she has someone now, anyways, i guess thats it for that part, i will need time to think about it, lmao, fuck. On the other side of things, HOLY FUCK, I WANT TO GO BACK TO THERAPY SO BAD, it’s getting worse, like, i slipped on a bad mood and lost like a year worth of progress on my depression and shit, however, i don’t have the money for now, i will start working for it tho. I want to help my family, to be worth, i still am sheltering myself on my room, but, i mostly need money, i want so many things, i want to go out not thinking “but what if i need to buy something important”, but only thinking “Damn, this is a silly toy, i will buy it now” i mean, a friend of mine offered me a try at a job, it isn’t much money, but it will be a start tho, i don’t really care about how much money they will pay me, i want to help, and also, it will help distract me of my shit, as well as a new experience! i haven’t worked in like ages, also, i wat to go and work out but once again, a proper plan needs... moneh, i hope that at least it helps with the motivation to do other things. If you have read this far, thanks! You can do it! Don’t give up, things may look worthless, but trust me, even in your lowest, you always will enjoy if a bit of a change

#vent dump