i haven’t been on here.. in literal years.. and it’s. fucking weird to read all these things ive said or posted about before and i just.. h hh
like wow that was your life before [redacted] huh. maybe i should stop acting like it was some big deal that affected me so much but the fucking truth of it is is that it DID affect me that much. he affected me that much??? and i hate it so much
either way i know no one’s on here anymore.. so maybe i’ll keep up an aesthetics blog again.. vent blog.. lmao
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vent
god i wonder when this is going to stop hurting
i do this to myself yet i cant help the thoughts and feelings that enter my mind and it fucks me up because i cant remember anymore if thats how it really was at the time or just some fucked up heightened perception of it now since all i have are my own memories
how little my relationship w my ex really affected me while how MUCH this past one continues to hurt despite everything despite being honestly nothing and going nowhere im still so fucked up about it and i can no longer tell if i even have a right to be mad
but id rather stay mad than whatever the fuck it is im really feeling, having the ‘right’ to or not .would rather tell myself that im better off this way. go to fucking hell
one day i’ll get over this just like i got over her, and i dont even remember anything i felt w her
even if this one takes a bit longer. it’ll happen. it has to or it’ll fucking eat me alive i swear to god