i feel like i know i’m trans but then i don’t. i can’t figure out how i want to be seen by women. do i want them to be attracted to me because i’m female or because i’m male? i know i like being masculine and all but i feel like i’d prefer to be viewed as a woman when a woman is attracted to me? idk. but i don’t feel like a woman. i don’t feel connected to that at all. i feel connected to myself when i look masculine, when i dress masculine. i want top surgery. i want a deeper voice, i want a masculine face, i want a not-so-skimpy body. i want a ripped bod that girls lov lol. but likeeee. as a nonbinary or as a male? i should probably be asking myself how i want to see me but that’s even more abstract and unclear. so shrug. guess i gotta just mull it over whilst i’m here isolated from my parents and friends at a japanese girl’s high school of all places.