#ventshit

[eldritchw0rm]

GOD FFUUUUUUUUCCCKKK. FUCKFUCKFUCK THISMUTISMDISORDER BULSHIT I CANT TALKSHITTTTTTT.onlymaking shit can get me thru this bump. CANNOTTALKMYMIINDTHAATBITCH(me)ISTHEPROBLEM. going to get thru hurdl, i wana be nice and whimsical again..FUCKSEASONALSHIT.thss shit isnt going anywhereee.

[alexandrias-genesis-evangelion]

The distinction probably doesn't matter to anyone except me but i am NOT trans. I am nonbinary.

[paperandpencilsandskips]

I fucking hate my piece of shit alcoholic dad

[paperandpencilsandskips]

personal thoughts

thinking about toxic positivy and how i think i might have been doing that alot, or saying things i struggle to put into action

how sometimes i go into things with a postive outlook but i am completely unable to deal with because i dont know what to do,

i dont trust people? so i become happy and chipper to ease my fears and when something outside of whst i was expecting happens i stick it through despite not understanding this situation?

man im a mess, but i really need to self reflect more, i have to see things through

[paperandpencilsandskips]

maybe that last post was worded badly

someone really did just use me to spite someone else

wow like, thats the first time i got used like that like wow

[plant5318008]

I had a weird dream where we went to dinner and the table was on a slant, so my brother tried to move it off the slant, but ended up flipping the table and when I dived to catch the sauce that was gonna spill it just spilled all over my hand. The waitress came over and very unapologetically said “nice receive” and then lead my to were i could wash my hands, which turned out to be an office room that i had to sneak into through the vents. so she took me to the adjacent room, that was filled with furniture placed to get to the vents, and just stood there waiting for more chances to provide exposition. Then I had to take some stuff out of my bag to take with me, because i was apparently going to go bowling with my grandparents now, then i asked for a screwdriver to take the lids off the vents. After that i heard jingling and looked over to find my dog trapped in my room and staring at me.

[paperandpencilsandskips]

had to turn off my lights in my room and stop drawing because its late and also there was a shoot out on my street and seriously?!?!?

im less bothered by the gunshots but the fact that last time a guy got into our house trying to run away because we left it open on accident is like wtf 

[kdavyr]

Shoulders popped from collar bones like

Pop tabs from the cans and a spine like a staircase

But no spine at all, not even a little, really,

Id say I had starlight eyes if I were kinder to the reality of myself

Or noon sky eyes if i still felt the potential of waking up someday, somehow.

Violet and violent have a lot in common,

The under eye shadows are heavier because

Im doing my best to sleep less, even though

They're back breaking to carry and hard to look at

I dont look in the mirror often enough for that to be my problem, though, so who really cares?

Fingers too bony for jewelry and too empty, anyway

I dont know when i started biting my nails

Or if maybe I always have;

Some jagged and some long and some broken and bloody, like broken teeth, almost,

But i dont reach for food often enough for them to compare-

Isnt it all just so ironic?

Hair long enough to hide in, mess enough but mostly managed black oil kelp, why would it matter, really?

I can see all the blue black roads up and down my arms and they all know my name.

I know they do, because they whisper it at night

Calling me to them again but I'm not supposed to

Travel that way anymore.

Mystery bruises like punching a peach

I dont remember where each one came from but I remember they must have come, so they do, some days.

I just wanted to write something describing myself

And here we are, I guess.

I'm still trying to be more positive

But I still don't like myself, at all.

I dont know why I thought this would be a good idea.