#verythundergun

[dumbwoof]

that new tumblr icon tho :)

Hehe thank. Cowboy/Western Sam is adorable and he needs more love~

[alenthymn]

hi there. i just want to say, i love this blog and it was an inspiration for me to start my own gaming tumblr. :)

Thank you for sending me such a sweet message! <3 I hope you don’t mind me publishing this. You should link me to your gaming tumblr so I can check it out!! :D

[caseycaseycaseycasey]

so i’m about to get a little heavy and personal here, which is not usual for this blog, so just don’t click the read more if you don’t wanna get stuck in

i have a friend with bpd (Borderline Personality Disorder), and i’m pretty much her lifeline; on a weekly basis we go through episodes where one of us will set the other off and usually we end up duking it out for a couple of days afterwards, i don’t want to get into the details of her experience too much because i’m sure that there are a thousand bloggers with bpd on tumblr who anybody could get more info from. talking about my experience is my aim here, the experience of a friend of a person with a pretty severe social disorder

there was a time on tumblr (and a lot of the internet) where there were waves of posts that basically conveyed one (really weird) message, that being that if you can’t handle someone’s “toxicity” that you should just leave them behind, cut them out of your life, nix them like they aren’t important, and maybe there are toxic people who need to be nixed, but that message spilled over to me in a weird way, because people were using it to refer to emotionally disturbed individuals, like my borderline friend…

so essentially i was being given a free pass: if i decided i couldn’t handle it i could just throw her out like trash, and all i would have to do was say “she was just too toxic, she was bringing me down…” and nobody could be my judge. but that’s a shitty thing to do, and you’re shitty if you’ve done that to another human being

but are you really shitty?????

are you protecting yourself by dropping someone? i mean it is important to look out for yourself, that’s what those posts are really all about, but it’s important to look out for other people too; i don’t know who i would be without my friends, and even if i fight with her on a weekly basis my borderline friend is still important to me

so i just decided not to give up

but here’s the thing, I struggle too

i’m supposed to be the well adjusted one, and she’s supposed to be the one with the excuse, and it’s a shitty thing to say that my problems come close to comparing to hers, but that’s one thing, i chose to make a lot of her problems into mine because when you’re friendly with a person with a social disorder their beefs and transgressions will often stem from you

and it’s hard as fuck to keep my cool most of the time; people may think that in a relationship like ours i am meant to be the one who stays calm and rational and waits out each small storm, but that’s not how it is at all, i get down in the goddamn trenches from the first sound of gunfire and i start calling in airstrikes; i get so emotional, i have literally never been as angry and sad as i have been in a few of the fights we’ve had. it’s so tough to maintain composure, because i have just as many emotions as she does and they can hit me just as hard as they hit her, the one difference is that my trigger is her bad emotional state and her trigger is usually an illusion

see, nobody is perfect, social stability isn’t a sliding scale between well-adjusted and mentally-fucked, we are blotted randomly around a wide array like a Jackson Pollock painting, and those of us who seem okay are probably hiding flaws (and those of us who think we aren’t flawed are hiding them from ourselves); people with social disorders are just told that they are flawed, and then convinced by books full of evidence, most of us are too proud to permit that kind of luxury; honestly i don’t know which one is easier

all i know is that for a long long time (basically all of my adult life) i’ve suffered from pretty severe depression and anxiety; my depression is mostly gone, so i know first hand that things like that can end, and people like me can readjust, so maybe that’s what keeps me around, just knowing that one day my friend is going to wake up feeling more normal than she ever has in her entire life

and that’ll be pretty cool i guess