losing my mind right now i have one i have one i have one

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losing my mind right now i have one i have one i have one
unprecedented objectum euphoria from this cubicle job
Click.
"The marble index of a mind forever. Voyaging through strange seas of thought, alone. Wordsworth."
"What?"
"Jupiter's magnetosphere is the largest thing in the solar system. If the human eye could see it, it would appear two and a half times wider in the sky than the sun does."
"I knew that," she said, irrationally annoyed.
"Quotation is. Easy. Speech is. Not."
"Don't speak, then."
"Trying. To communicate!"
She shrugged. "So go ahead—communicate."
Silence. Then, "What does. This. Sound like?"
"What does what sound like?"
"Io is a sulfur-rich, iron-cored moon in a circular orbit around Jupiter. What does this. Sound like? Tidal forces from Jupiter and Ganymede pull and squeeze Io sufficiently to melt Tartarus, its sub-surface sulfur ocean. Tartarus vents its excess energy with sulfur and sulfur dioxide volcanoes. What does. This sound like? Io's metallic core generates a magnetic field which punches a hole in Jupiter's magnetosphere, and also creates a high-energy ion flux tube connecting its own poles with the north and south poles of Jupiter. What. Does this sound like? Io sweeps up and absorbs all the electrons in the million-volt range. Its volcanoes pump out sulfur dioxide; its magnetic field breaks down a percentage of that into sulfur and oxygen ions; and these ions are pumped into the hole punched in the magnetosphere, creating a rotating field commonly called the Io torus. What does this sound like? Torus. Flux tube. Magnetosphere. Volcanoes. Sulfur ions. Molten ocean. Tidal heating. Circular orbit. What does this sound like?"
Against her will, Martha had found herself first listening, then intrigued, and finally involved. It was like a riddle or a word puzzle. There was a right answer to the question. Burton or Hols would have gotten it immediately. Martha had to think it through.
There was a faint hum of the radio's carrier beam. A patient, waiting noise.
At last, she cautiously said, "It sounds like a machine."
"Yes. Yes. Yes. Machine. Yes. Am machine. Am machine. Am machine. Yes. Yes. Machine. Yes."
"Wait. You're saying that Io is a machine? That you're a machine? That you're Io?"
"Sulfur is triboelectric. Sledge picks up charges. Burton's brain is intact. Language is data. Radio is medium. Am machine."
"I don't believe you."
— Michael Swanwick's "The Very Pulse of the Machine" [X]
can't stop thinking about the vesility-affirmative quality of the last therapy session. the meditative instruction to envision oneself in a safe space and soak up the sensory input of that place. picking the interior of one's self-image, in the sense of "inside-out"-ness. being guided through the comfort and grounding of that experience, in a way that's under one's own control
did it trigger dissociation? does continuing to do so continue to cause dissociation? yes. is it worth it? extremely so. that "inside-out"-ness flipping back "outside-in." permission to completely envision and inhabit one's self-image
vesility euphoria. locationkin euphoria
so hard to articulate the jarring nature of that flipping act. what's commonly regarded as the "real" feels like the sketchy half of "take on me," while the interior feels so deeply rendered
recognizing oneself as the living space for headmates has been so fucking nourishing. they've truly been the wisps tethering any speck of raison d'être as of late. internalized self-purpose. headmates regarding that space as home. container. contents. קליפות. full-empty
...haunted. just give the space permission to be haunted
having the "do i want to be that or bang that" experience when one's having it over objectum or locations is uh. yes
like, genuinely, surely there's something to unpack there wrt the interstices of gender, sexuality, and identity [/delighted, amused]
need someone to play cat's cradle with my wiring
what does this sound like?
what does this sound like?
what does this sound like?
what does this sound like?
what does this sound like?
what does this sound like?
what does this sound like?
what does this sound like?
what does this sound like?
what does this sound like?
container,,
or contents,