I actually do sometimes feel like that. The majority of the BL fandom is composed by women, who are the actual target audience, but as a queer man myself, I feel drawn to it because it's still infinitely better than whatever half arsed representation western shows gives us. Most of the time I can't bear to read the comments or stuff most of the BL community says because it reminds how they treat it with objectification and some sort of "guilty pleasure", I guess it is better when you interact with the part of the BL community that is actually made up of other queer people, it gives more of a sense of belonging because we treat it with more respect and can draw a line at what's wrong and problematic. Still, getting back on the main issue, being a BL fanboy will always make it difficult for you to feel like you belong because how few and rare we are. I can literally count on the fingers of a single hand how many I've met, and I've had this blog for 3 years now.