Viewing 9: THE CUTENESS
MASTER OF THE MASTER OF DISGUISE HAS ITS OWN BLOG AT
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A preface to this post is that It's thanksgiving and somehow I am becoming very unthankful about the Master of Disguise. So consider this one the "phoned in" post. Suckerz.
There is a dog in the Master of Disguise. His name is “The Cuteness.” He is very cute so it's a very unclever name-- yet somehow brilliant. I will now remark on every appearance The Cuteness makes and rank the cuteness of the appearance on a scale of 1-4 paws.
The First scene The Cuteness appears is in Pistachio’s room – he hides under the bed and whimpers. That’s a pretty cute dog, yo. Pathetic so far. But maybe it will develop 4 out 5 paws
Magically, 10 seconds later Cuteness is downstairs in the kitchen eating sausage. How sneaky and fast! Also Mama doesn’t see the dog eating the sausage. What hilarity. 4 paws.
Talking to Jennifer’s boy Barney Baker outside after falling off skateboard. Pistachio says, “Oh I see you like my dog. His name is The Cuteness.” Barney saying, “I never had a dog.”, following this Pistachio suggests that his poppa might buy Barney a dog. He says “I never had a father.” Pistachio’s reaction is one of the funniest moments in the movie. He has no idea how to handle this info. It's also the only thing that Pistachio does that resembles a genuine understand of human emotions. Best part-- the Cuteness gives lots of LICKS! 5 paws. By far the highlight of everyone’s feeble lives.
Cuteness Runs after Bowman’s car after the ransackery of the house. 3 paws, It’s nothing special but demonstrates loyalty. Shot is too far away to be cute, but Cuteness is starting to get some balls.
SUPER SUBTLE ALERT: After the grandfather leaves, Pistachio and Jennifer discuss where to begin their planning to find his parents. WAY in the background Barney Baker skateboards and da Cuteness follows him. You might not notice this til 13th viewing. It further suggests that this kid is totally on his own in terms of friends and parenting. It also further suggests that I have seen this way to many fucking times.
THE CUTENESS RIDES A SKATEBOARD away with Barney Baker after Pistachio and Trent nearly fight. 5 out of 5 paws! COOL TRICK. Skateboarding dog = cool dog = perfect movie. Also, the boy + dog cuteness team never fails in any movie ever so its a cheap trick. Barney says, “how come I cant do it and you can!?” Trent’s answer would suffice: BECAUSE YOU ARE A LOSER.
In the park on a bench, Jennifer and Pistachio talk while Barney and Cuteness play in park. Nothing special here until he opens the Disguisey book! Look what the cuteness found! 3/5 paws. Further parental neglect his shown here. This dog is truly this boy’s best friend. Raised by dogs.
Da Cuteness is mentioned after Jennifer comes downstairs to say goodnight to Pistachio after day 2. Barney is asleep with the Cuteness! At least she seems to care about her son after work. The Narrator says “the cuteness was on guard” after pistachio leaves Jennifer to form a plan! Then they show him in window. Pretty cool. Bodydog. 3.5 paws
Barney baker comes to roof where Pistachio is formulating his plan talking to grandpa (lot of planning in these cuteness scenes!). Da Cuteness arrives. After the “it’s so crazy it just might work tag line” a bubble pops and dog barks in musical rhythm. This scene is so crazily edited with strange angle shots, bizarre color and this weird and random music sound sequence that it makes me feel like I have eaten a pound of Psilocybin. 4 out of 5 paws for a surreal nature.
The Cuteness Eats the cherry pie disguise in Devlin’s mansion, then faints when Pistachio crawls out. Pistachio tells him to go home because it’s dangerous. Slapstick perfection. 5 paws!
Thanks for positively contributing to the movie The Cuteness. I will certainly name a dog after you in the future. It will provide a good opportunity for me to explain that insane time in my early twenties when I watched the Master of Disguise for 21 days straight.
HEY LOOK! I'M NOW A LEVEL 2700 ORANGE BELT!
MASTER OF THE MASTER OF DISGUISE HAS ITS OWN BLOG AT
THEMASTEROFTHEMASTEROFDISGUISE.TUMBLR.COM
