❛ you vanish for three days then decide to come back around? ❜ john @ ella
her fuzzy hair waved as ella looked right back into john’s composure by the door of her bedroom, who the hell did he think he was? her face was asking such question, quivering for the answer, but instead her efforts went back to herself in a wonder of her own behavior and self-refletion, sometimes pitying down who she turned out to be to put up with that. ‘ so this is my fault? seriously? ’ she wasn’t shouting or anything, but neither was him and as much as they were trying to pretend it was all cool, that they were gonna fuck and afterward it was all gonna be okay, it wasn’t like that. there was some feeling unspoken or perhaps just too much conflict not being exposed like it was supposed to. ella hated arguments though, she was never the kind of person who would pursue a fight because she handled things with logic and grace. as she was taking her earrings off, then the necklace and all the accessories off, the realization that she was too naked in front of john all the time could be the problem. why did she have to be like that? ‘ can we not do this right now? ’ sitting on the bed with her two longing and wide eyes trying not to tear looking at john like she always does — completely wary and diligent, a way that many men would probably kill to be eyed by a woman like her. she then composed herself with a smile and waved him to come to her at once, trying to play the love game they had always going on, unintentionally. despite her effort to try to put on a sad face over her leaving the country in the next month, ella was excited and she wouldn’t prevent herself from wanting different things, new things. aiming for something was all she was ever about, that’s how she made her career in fashion so successful and that’s what everyone else loved about her work, her eye to fashion and photography was worth a lot. knowing that was maybe the best motive to leave. the second was john. yeah, even though he was the reason she loathed leaving behind as well. they wanted different things in life, actually, she couldn’t tell exactly what john wanted but she would always forget this the minute he would come to her once again. like tonight and probably like many other nights before, even after. ‘ you’re the worst part of me, you know that right?! ’ regardless of her words, she was still perpetuating through him in a harmless way while he didn’t fight his instincts to kiss her. soon enough, pinning herself to her own bed with a rushed feeling it was worth living in, definitely remorseful in the morning though. ella couldn’t read well in that this was it for their story —searching for meaning in the meaningless sea of emotions that could only be described by ego, subvert and libido.