THE VINCIBILITY GAP
You may not know this, but the root of the word invincibility is actually a word in and of itself: vincible. According to the OED,
1. Of persons: That may be overcome or vanquished in battle or conflict, or in some contest; susceptible of defeat or overthrow.
I’m going to use this term, the idea of being defeated, to define a life stage that I almost recently fell into myself. Since it’s easier for me to explain things based on my own experience, I’m going to start there…
I had a vision, I’ve always had a vision, of how I secretly wished my life to be. (I think most people do.) As I got older, I took it for granted that it was out of reach, impossible. Whatever part of me that was the invincible-feeling child who formed the vision in the first place became dormant.
Through a series of circumstances starting in my mid twenties, I found myself a freelance writer with no plan, right around the time when many of my age group were essentially ending their lives, not starting them.
I shored myself up on quotes from the likes of Benjamin Franklin and European fashion editors who swore up and down that aging was good, life got better. Do you.
I did. And the most wonderful things started to happen. This vision I had for myself started to look like it might actually be possible. Inevitable, even. So I worked and I dreamed and as my work fell more in line with my own interests.
The next natural step for me was, for a second time, to head back to New York. But then, a hiccup. While I’d judged all the poor pedestrians who’d given up before they’d given themselves a real chance, I thought about doing it too.
So I come back here, I take a part time gig with a client whose business and work has nothing to do with my vision. Nothing–for some income stability.
I took a break. I turned down opportunities in favor of this stability. The idea was this was a perfect short-term thing I could do for the next year. I had two days off per week in which to pursue bigger and better things. The only problem was, my vision started to fade.
Where did it go? The Vincibility Gap. That place I’d determined was for other people but now I know is for everyone. Come one, come all, when circumstances that are supposed to be temporary, or compromises for something greater, start to feel “good enough” instead of “good enough for now.” When Mr. Right Now, turns into Mr. Right. When moving for a job becomes staying for life.
It can swallow you at any age. At any time. But usually is at its widest during the period your contemporary society tells you it’s time to settle down. It’s time to quit. That’s when you’re most tempted to fall in.
As for me? How does the story go on? I’ve doubled down my efforts not to give up. To keep the vision alive. To be grateful for the work I have but to not forget about the work I need to do.