An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
The week before she turned a quarter of a century Lena Luthor fell off the wagon in spectacular fashion, as only members of her family knew how. She remembered one drink and then she remembered waking up in hospital and everything hurting. The following weeks were a blur, until she was waking up alone in her room in rehab, sweating and crying and wishing she’d died.
Six weeks later and she was walking out of that same room, sunglasses perched on her head, having the day before been informed that she was being released despite being two weeks short of her court ordered stint.
She avoided the front desk, kept her head down and avoided all the other patients too. Coked up socialites, sex addicted athletes, pill-popping party goers, and the regular alcoholics such as herself. She was in esteemed company here and she couldn’t wait to turn her back on it. Veronica Sinclair, the only other patient she talked to, eyed her suspiciously as she walked down the hallway towards Doctor Olsen’s office.
Strictly speaking, Lena should just be gathering her meagre possession and leaving, but she felt she owed it to Doctor Olsen to say a proper goodbye.
She was a large part of the reason Lena was leaving here determined to make it work this time. To not just leave here and find the nearest bar.
Okay, she was never actually going to do that. Alcoholic she might be, but she still had some class. She’d find an upscale bar and pay the staff to keep her plied and then to pile her into a car with tinted windows and never speak of the mess she’d made of her table or the bathroom.
She paused outside Doctor Olsen’s office, rubbed her hands down her jeans, nervous in the same way she used to be at school when she had to knock on her favourite teacher’s office door. She took a deep breath, steeling herself, Doctor Olsen was endlessly kind and had never, not once, made Lena feel stupid for her feelings or her thoughts.
“We all have ugly thoughts and emotions, Lena, you’re not alone in that. Having them doesn’t mean we have to act on them.”
“Repression it is. I have a lot practice in that field.”
Doctor Olsen laughed gently. “It’s not about repression, it’s about recognition.”
Recognition. Lena took ten breaths. She felt, scared. Worried. Anxious about what was waiting for her outside. And that was okay, those were normal feelings to have. She didn’t have to fight them. She didn’t have to let them control her.
She knocked on the door, a short sharp business-like rap of her knuckles against the heavy wood.
“Come in,” Doctor Olsen called from behind the door.