Dear past me, (Jack, he's come so far sobs)
I will write about the following, leave one in my ask box.
I know how you are feeling. I know how you hate yourself, how you blame yourself for things dad did. How you’ve decided that, love isn’t for you because “You don’t do relationships” when the real reason is that you do not think you are worth loving.
All you know how to do is have sexual intimacy, and deep down this is all you think you can do, all you think you are worth. You think you’re just not meant to be happy.
You also think moving to Korea was a big mistake, because your hopes were naive and mom doesn’t love you. Because there’s something defective about you, you cannot be loved. You were born into this world as a mistake, for your father to abuse and your mother to ignore.
In not too long, you will meet many people, who will prove it to you. You will meet a woman you never thought you would meet, and she will act more like a mother to you than anyone ever has. You will meet another, who will be like a sister to you, a woman your age you wont have slept with, and you’ll be completely fine with that. You will meet a child, who will show you that you are not the monster dad was.
But before you meet these people, you will meet the one who will teach you how to let yourself be loved by these people, and most of all, him.
It will seem like just the regular old thing, a friend with benefits. It will change and it will scare the shit out of you. But this man will not give up on you, it doesn’t matter how long it takes you, he will stick by your side, and hammer into your head that you are just as much worth loving as everyone else.
You wont miss your old ways one bit, because you will have gained the love of your life, and you will be so happy, happier than you have ever been.
Hang in there Jack, good things are coming your way.
PS: Dad dies, which is also a plus
