Cerulean High
"are you hurting" taekwoon can feel wonshik's cold hands caressing his cheeks gently, like they are made from glasses, so cautious taekwoon almost feels like this moment is surreal. only a part of his delusion. he's afraid it's only his head that shows him his most immense fantasy which is wonshik actually is here, in front of him looking so ethereal. the world now moves slowly as taekwoon tries to sense wonshik's rough palms that caress him still. he needed to tell wonshik he's not hurting, that somehow he feels like everything goes back in place exquisitely, but his voice is lost as if he can't control himself.
"taekwoon?" it's wonshik's voice, taekwoon can hear how it sounds like honey dripping, so pleasant and aery, heaven must really love wonshik for giving him such an alluring voice. taekwoon needs more than ten seconds to actually answer wonshik.
"i'm fine wonshik-ah. at least i'm fine now." taekwoon smiles at wonshik reassuringly, for the first after a while his smile is sincere. it's not the fake one he always forces to show when he's around people just to please them and make him look more socially approachable.
"really?" wonshik's voice sounds happier this time, it isn't laced with worry. taekwoon just nods in response. he wants to hug the latter, place his head in the crook of wonshik's neck and cherish the moment. but wonshik suddenly moves, kissing taekwoon like it’s gonna be their last time, lips brushing nonchalantly until wonshik uses his tongue, demanding for more intimacy. they finally parted when they feel lacking of oxygen, too breathless to even say a thing. taekwoon touches his lips, again feels like everything was merely a pipe dream.
"am i dreaming wonshik-ah? are you even real right now?" taekwoon traces wonshik's face with his hands, so delicate, he can stay like this forever in wonshik’s sweet embrace.
"what are you talking about? of course not. i'm here okay. you can touch me right? does this feel like dream to you?" wonshik kisses taekwoon once again, this time more rushed like he's proving something. taekwoon on the other hand keep telling himself that this is surely not a dream even if it's too good to be reality. when they parted taekwoon stares deeply at wonshik, like he's trying to find something that isn't right, something that wasn't at its place, but he found nothing. only wonshik looking as fascinating as ever, breathless due to their previous kiss. when taekwoon can't bear seeing wonshik's face any longer he only stares at the floor, whispering "honestly i don't know. things like this are too good to be true." desperately. but wonshik caresses his cheeks again, forcing taekwoon to look at him in the eyes.
"i love you, hyung. more than everything. my love for you is real okay." for some reasons the words sting and taekwoon starts to lose his sense. he wants to scream because he clearly can see wonshik fading from his sight. when he finally can feel again, his heart suddenly hurts like hell, like someone is trying to rip it apart. wonshik is no longer here. that was only a dream indeed, only part of his memories that now killing him each time, only product of his rotten delusion created by his happy pills. no matter how many times he assured himself inside his delusion everything will taste the same, wonshik’s words only remain for a blink of eye. when he’s sober enough, the moment will once disappear again no matter how good it was, and taekwoon knows that even if he’s in denial. suddenly, his body feels colder than ever, he feels naked though he's already wore so many clothes. he's shaking continuously, sobbing while keep apologizing to the person who's long gone. he only stops when he can't breathe anymore, desperately reaching for his bottle, he needs to swallow his pills again, and now he's not gonna repeat the circle, he'll stay with wonshik forever. so he drains his bottle and swallow them all. this time he'll keep his promises, not to leave wonshik alone.