Ten Ways To Get In Shape To Own A Horse 1) When the horse steps on your foot. Frantically wave your arms and Shout "Get off, stupid! Get off!" 2) Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "Relaxing into the fall". Roll lithely into a ball, and spring to your feet! 3) Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse/pocket and write out a $200. check without even looking down. 4) Jog long distances carrying a halter and holding out a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you're doing.They might as well know now. 5) Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling it to a halt. And smile as if you are really having fun. 6. Hone your fibbing skills. "See hon, moving hay bales is fun!" Jump up and down in a joyful way. 7) Practice dialing your chiropractors number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder, and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse. 8) Borrow the US Army slogan; "Be all that you can be'...(add) bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled." 9) Lie face down in the mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself: "This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience,..." 10) Marry Money!