a while ago i remember that there was a whole thing on your blog where everyone discussed how ridiculously dependent anakin was on obi-wan and how that would still be relevant with vader and i just had a thought: sidious realizing that his robot death machine needs a nanny. ofc vader doesn't need A nanny, he needs obi-wan, something which sidious is oblivious to, so lo and behold: vader keeps killing the nannies out of spite and poor sheev could not be more confused.
Hahahahaha, OK, I love this for a lot of reasons, BUT: what if Palpatine eventually realizes, to his horror, why the nannies aren’t working out? And he’s like DAMN IT, that idiot needs Kenobi. Ugh. I *hate* that guy!
At first, Palpatine’s approach is “well, surely we can find an acceptable substitute and just TELL Vader it’s Kenobi? I mean, this is Vader we’re talking about, he’s pretty gullible a lot of the time.” Sheev pulls up an old holo of General Kenobi and tells his staff to get to work on an open casting call. Thousands of handsome, ginger-ish-haired dudes show up to read lines like “Anakin, I don’t think you should be eating that, it’s expired,” and “Anakin, please try not to throw your lightsaber at the television just because you’re mad at your soap opera,” and saucily wink and Dramatically Disrobe for a panel of casting agents (and Sheev, who rates them by how annoyed each one of them makes him feel. Only the sassiest, most irritatingly charming ones get put on the callback list.)
Vader’s hopes leap sky-high each time yet another “Obi-Wan Kenobi” is “captured” and brought to his castle. And each time, after a brief rush of excitement when he sees them from a distance (his swooshy hair! The swagger! Could it be??) his heart is broken as the cold hard reality sets in that this isn’t his Obi-Wan, this is some impostor, and the obvious murderous rage erupts.
8 dead actors playing the part of Obi-Wan – and many more worker’s compensation claims – later, and Sheev is forced to admit defeat. He idly wonders where Kenobi is these days anyways, and what his going rate would be, because God knows Sheev doesn’t want to have to tuck Vader in every night and watch Love Under The Alderaanian Sky with him.
