Ren has been your trusty boyfriend for quite some time now, but there's something you have been keeping from him. One day, he decides to have a conversation with you about it.
≫ A/N: Whoa, it's been a while, hasn't it? I initially had a different fic planned to be my return, but "Do not disturb" has been living in my head rent-free this week. Considering... Stuff... I will not be writing smut for the upcoming time, because I simply do not feel comfortable with that topic right now. However, I am here to deliver a dose of fluffy angst to you! This isn't super long; more a drabble than anything, really. I just wanted to put out something. Also, this is kind of embarrassing to admit, but... This fic is also mostly based on me and how I do/experience things.
Contains: gender neutral reader, angst, fluff, comfort, reader has some serious mental issues (surprise, I know, I write about that a lot), Ren is super supportive and a big sweetheart, uh not much else I think
Art credits ❤
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Ren has been wondering something for a little while now. It's happened quite a few times where he'd entered your home and heard you talking to someone, as he sometimes heard different voices from your room. When he'd knock and enter your room, he'd ask you if you'd been talking to someone. Sometimes your answer would be "Oh yeah, I was in a call with someone," or it would be something along the lines of "uh, no, not really. Maybe you're imagining things?" Every time he "caught you", you'd be blushing madly, as if you were just caught with your hand in the cookie jar like a little kid. He'd decide not to push on it too much, since you're obviously allowed to have your own private conversations.
But after a little while, he was getting a bit suspicious. Maybe suspicious wasn't the right word, since he knew for a fact you weren't doing anything wrong. But he just had this feeling that something was going on that you weren't sharing with him. So, one day — when he entered your home — he did something he kind of felt bad about doing, but he just wanted to know. He stood outside your bedroom door for a little bit, listening to what was going on. He wanted to know who you were talking to, and why you were so secretive about it. He stood there for way longer than he'd care to admit, just listening to what was going on.
Inside, it seemed like you were having a conversation with yourself, because when he listened more carefully, he could hear that all these voices came from you. You really were talking to yourself in there. It was a conversation about where "you" talked about how much you were struggling with certain things that had been stressing you out lately, and this "other person" would reply with words of comfort or encouragement to hopefully cheer you up a bit, just like your boyfriend would always be doing. Ren was starting to feel a bit sad, actually. He knew he was super busy lately, but he tried to be there as much for you as he could. He knew you'd been through unimaginable, horrible things that had damaged that beautiful mind of yours forever, but were you really that lonely without him there? He started wondering if he had been leaving you alone too much lately. Tears welled up in his eyes that he tried his best to hold back, and then he knocked on the door.
The conversation inside fell silent, and your boyfriend walked in. Just like every time before, a massive blush was covering your cheeks, something he'd gotten used to by now. But when you saw the expression on his face, you could tell something was up.
"You... Uh... How much of that did you hear?" you meekly asked, tears springing into your eyes as you looked down at your hands in your lap.
"I heard quite a bit of it, my love," your boyfriend replied as he calmly walked over to you and sat down next to you on the bed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to pull you closer to him.
"Oh my god, that is so embarrassing, I'm so sorry you had to hear that..." you said with a shaky voice as the tears started spilling freely.
Your boyfriend was surprised. It wasn't like it was a bad thing, per se. Here you were acting like you'd just confessed to a murder. He was quick to gently take your face in his hands and give you a soft kiss on your forehead, wiping some of the tears away that just kept spilling.
"Hey, hey... Shhh, it's okay. What's on your mind, my love? I know I've been gone a lot lately. I've just been so busy with work. Have you been growing lonely without me that you decided to do... Well... This?" Your boyfriend asked you with a kind smile as he left a soft kiss on the tip of your nose. And then, the dam broke.
"No, no, it's not like that! It's not like I don't enjoy your company or anything, but... But... I've been living in this sort of fantasy world of mine for as long as I can remember. Ever since I was little, I would imagine people or characters in the house with me that would keep me company. Talk to me, encourage me, hug me, all sorts of stuff. I would always fall asleep hugging myself, imagining that I was hugging someone else. Obviously, I know I'm the only one in the room; there's a limit to my fantasy world. I can clearly distinguish fantasy from reality. I can never really clearly see these characters or people, but I do imagine them there. When I'm alone, I imagine others being there, you included, who can talk to me and keep me sane. Sometimes I walk around the area, I imagine them sitting in at that very moment, sometimes I don't. It really seems to depend on who I imagine there and the moment in general, I think. Sometimes I also imagine I have pets that I basically treat like my children. Maybe because I grew up with pets, so I know how wonderful they can be as company. They do often talk to me in my imagination, though. I obviously know they can't talk, but the words of comfort I speak to myself, imagining someone else doing it, has always just brought me such comfort. That's uh... That's basically most of it, really. It's become a coping mechanism that I've developed to not feel so alone, abandoned and stuff. And I guess it just never left," you admitted with a massive blush as the tears just kept coming. Your boyfriend just nodded understandingly and listened to your story.
After a little bit of awkward, yet somehow comfortable silence, your boyfriend spoke up.
"It all makes so much sense now. It explains why you were always so embarrassed when I walked in, and the conversation just stopped. It explains why, sometimes, you'd walk out of your room so happy. It also explains why you told me you always hugged yourself when you were sleeping alone," your boyfriend said with a kind smile on his face, giving you another soft kiss on your forehead.
"I'm so sorry... So sorry... I don't want you to feel like you're not important to me, because you really are!" you squeaked as more tears started welling up in your eyes.
"Darling, don't worry about that. I never doubted you for a second, I promise." Ren replied as he hugged you tight, as you soaked his coat in tears and snot.
He just let you cry for a little while. He could only imagine how much of a relief it must have been to finally let out this secret. Something you had been hiding from people for as long as you could remember. After you calmed down a little bit, Ren gently forced you to look at him, giving you a loving kiss on your lips.
"Your secret is safe with me, my love. Talk to these people as much as you want. You don't need to hide them from me. In fact, I'd actually like to know more about this lovely fantasy world of yours. Anything that makes you happy is something I'd like to learn about. So tell me a little bit about them."
A massive sigh of relief left your mouth, and then you enthusiastically started talking about some of the characters that have "kept you company" recently. You also told him about all the fantasy stories you made up with these characters and you being the main characters. You told him about some of the "pets" that had been keeping you company throughout the years, one of which was currently considered your fluffy little squirrel son with white and blue fluffy fur. You rambled on for what seemed like hours, but after you'd told him some of the stories, you felt so relieved to have been able to share this with someone. He promised you once more that he wouldn't tell anyone about this, and that you could talk to these characters whenever, wherever. And he also said he was happy that they kept you company while he was at work, so that you didn't have to be alone. With a big smile on your face, you gave him a big hug and told him you loved him so much.
"I love you too, sweetheart. I always will. Every part of you."
