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why am i feeling so embarrassed to admit that i am interested in looking for Love at this point in my life . im not in my cool detached sl*t era anymore (my version of cool detached sl*t) . i would like to be attached to someone who would like to be attached to me and. i think i would like to be married, eventually . MAYBE. IT COULD BE NICE…

#VULNERABLE HOURS #blogging

hmm. unfortunately i seem to have this issue where i feel like i have an extremely limited number of times im allowed to be vulnerable with people or theyll get mad and leave me, so i feel like i have to Save those times of vulnerability for when they're needed. yet unless i'm severely triggered, i'll feel like it's not bad enough to warrant "wasting" one of my moments of vulnerability.

pretty messed up but idk what to do about it really. it does not help that once i start feeling safe i never want to shut up because i have soooo much bottled up i just want to talk to someone about, which furthers that fear of being annoying and being discarded for it. alas...

oh and if i spoke to someone a lot already abt my problems, even if it was months ago, i have this feeling that oh i totally depleted my vulnerability stash and now i can never be vulnerable with this person again or i'll be too needy and selfish

i have a problem 😔

#( 💭 faun thinks )#vulnerable hours

Okay but being fr right now Mike Nesmith and I have the same nose and it made me feel much better about mine when I found out

#mike nesmith #vulnerable hours

@finesthex took inspiration from this & said : ❛ do you even feel anything ? ❜

❛ feel anything---- ? you wanna know if i feel anything ? well , 𝔰𝔥𝔬𝔠𝔨 , if you really must know , let me tell you what it is exactly that i feel . ’ & her name on his tongue is bitter . the bile in the back of his throat tastes ever so horrid & as fingers tremble , eyes grow wide with the imagery of his guts splayed fresh against hardwood floors . is it finally , in a fit of 𝐏𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐄 that he rips himself open for her ? is it finally , in a 𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐔𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐀𝐑 that he unfolds his insides for an open viewing ? flared are his nostrils , chest heaving heavily as an unfamiliar chemical courses through him--- a poison , a venom that he can’t quite comprehend . it was fear . lock , in all his time , had experienced fear in every aspect , he’d grasped the concept in it’s entirety-- lived in it , enveloped himself in it , enraptured himself in it . but this fear--- fear of 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐯𝐮𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞--- was all to alien .

❛ you wanna know what i feel , shock ? well , 𝐢 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐲 . i feel broken . i feel bitter & cold & every time i breathe my entire body feels like it’s breaking with it . my bones ache with a pain that pierces so sharply it feels like i can’t even breathe . --- but do you wanna know the worst part of it all , shock ? do you wanna fucking know ? ’ still , does her name leave a sour taste in his mouth--- frigid & frozen & fervid is he--- 𝐚 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 & beyond repair . ❛ the worst part about it is that the only time i don’t feel the pain--- or the only time the pain it put on a temporary hold--- is when 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐨 . ’ heart twists in his chest & as anxiety heightens , so does the rate of his rapidly heaving torso . ❛ you make me feel warm . it’s like--- you’re in control of me . when you touch me , shock , tender or not , the emptiness , the aching , the cold--- it all goes away . you make me feel--- you ignite something in me . & that fucking scared me 𝔱𝔬 𝔡𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥 . so , yeah . i feel . but i really wish i fucking didn’t . ’

#finesthex #𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔩𝔢𝔱𝔞𝔩𝔢𝔰 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 . › inbox .#broke my own heart #vulnerable hours