Hey girl, I need some advice. So I've been dating this guy for a little while like....3 months I think(not sure of the exact date lol) && I really like him & he likes me too(I'm assuming) but he has this "bestfriend" who he talks to alot and I always get self conscious bc he dated her not that long before me but they broke up & still had feelings for each other & his bestfriend is a good friend of mine so am I just being a annoying jelly gf? Cuz ik he would never cheat. PS you& your bf r goals!
Hi lovely!
Jealousy is one of the hardest things to deal with in a relationship, at least for me. It’s a natural human emotion and not really something that you can magically logic your way out of, even when you know your boyfriend won’t ever cheat or there’s no reason to be jealous. There really isn’t anything you can magically do or say to make it go away, and it wouldn’t be right to ask him to stop seeing his best friend, so my advice is really just to try to talk about it. Keeping your feelings inside and quiet won’t help anything, it’ll just cause more friction between you two and possibly cause resentment. Be honest with him. Tell him what you’re worried about - even though you might know that he won’t do anything to cause you to be concerned, having him aware of what your feeling might help him to be aware of you and your needs. It also helps because then he can help to put your worries at ease, by directly acknowledging them and then reassuring you. Knowing your boyfriend would never cheat is great, but having him look you in the eyes and tell you he loves you and reassure you that he would never do anything to hurt you can be a lot more soothing than just base knowledge.
In this situation, I think you two need to reassure eachother. Tell him you’re worried about him having unresolved feelings, remind him you trust him, that you know he wouldn’t cheat, but that you are still feeling anxious. Talk about specific things that cause you more insecurity than others. Is there something he does with her that makes you most anxious that he can compromise on? For example, staying overnight at a friends house is normal, but maybe the thought of them spending the night alone together is too much, and you can work out a compromise or set specific boundaries, so you don’t feel like he’s overstepping his bounds with her or walking over your feelings when he’s acting as a friend to her. I would also consider talking to her, since you said you were friends. Maybe explain that you’re concerned or feeling uncomfortable, and try to have her reassure you as well, or set out things you think are unacceptable, like say, cuddling. Skinship can be normal in a friendship, but might be inappropriate in this situation.
When it comes down to it, yes, you are being jealous, but its important to remember that that’s a normal human emotion. Sure, it’s not a fun one, not for anyone involved, but its not something you can wave a wand and fix. It’s going to take time and energy and effort to slowly work your way forward and towards becoming more comfortable with their relationship. Acknowledge your feelings, then acknowledge that they are currently unfounded and just do your best to move forward.
It sucks but when it comes down to it, if your boyfriend isn’t willing to put in the time and effort to make you feel secure in your relationship, and be understanding about why you would feel anxious, then he might not be the right guy to be around. All you can do is be open, honest, and try to be proactive with your feelings and relationship.
All the luck love! I hope things get easier soon, jealousy is a terrible emotion to feel, like stomach acid in the back of your throat, and I hope it calms down and you have a lovely relationship.