THERE IS SUFFERING TOO TERRIBLE TO NAME . anguished eyes meet his -- how can he begin to understand what she’s lost ? half her coven , and the wolves , and , and . . . even the thought brings pain , calls to mind grief , a deep yawning chasm that threatens to swallow her whole . she cannot bear to say his name . alice knows it’s unfair . peter lost him too ; they were more than friends , closer than brothers . he must ache too . but even it must pale in comparison to what she was feeling .
after the battle they had all split apart ; inevitable , carlisle had been the glue that held them together . she had tried to be there for them , to stay with the family , for esme’s sake , but it felt wrong , to go along with the whole charade of playing high schoolers once more . as horrible as it was , she could not look at renesmee without resentment . to watch her grow , to watch her laugh knowing it had come at the cost of so many lives . her relationship with edward only suffered for it , he saw through her fake smiles , and soon grew impatient with her , and her runaway thoughts .
you can’t hold it against her forever , alice . she’s a child .
she’s my child , he probably meant to say . lucky edward , despite his worries , everything worked out in the end . he had it all , wife , child , family . enough to keep him going for the rest of his days .
so she fled to the forest , with nowhere else to go . she thought of the volturi , but the idea of his blood being on their hands deterred her . so she lived by the by , drifting in and out of the world as a ghost would . until peter found her , of course . he must’ve tracked her down somehow .
“ -- you must blame me . “ how anxiously she wrings her hands together , her once angelic face pinched and distraught , “ for bringing him to them . that day and even before , you blame me don’t you ? i know you do . “
