Your phone call! Ah, mon amour, you don’t know how good it was that you called me! You can’t know! You can’t imagine! Suddenly I feel like I’m reconnected to the earth, to the sea, to the sky, by a mysterious current that your voice and your spirit filled me with, and the clouds have suddenly become friendly. I love you! Oh, how I love you! How I treasure you! And tomorrow I’ll have your arms around me. How could I have doubts about anything when I’m given happiness itself so often! Bad! I’m bad! Demons take hold of me, making me deaf, blind, and sterile, and I’m left distraught, lonely, frozen in the midst of all my turmoil. Why, why, tell me, why am I so bad sometimes? Now…this way, the way I am at this moment, with your warm voice inside me and the promise of your cool mouth and your bright, kind eyes! If I stay this way…my pride returns, my great pride. I love you I thank you and am waiting for you. Tomorrow! Come to me with your heart open; surrender to me. I love you.
Maria Casarès to Albert Camus, Mon Cher Amour, May 17, 1950 [#308]
