Excerpts from Eitan Levine’s introduction to the original IQA Announcer Handbook:
“Muggle Quidditch was founded several years ago in Middlebury college by improv comic Xander Manshel. Xander was a member of one of Middlebury’s premier improv groups and arranged that the matches be called by improv teams in order to add an extra level of entertainment to matches. Improv comedians add a unique feel to the sport that no other sports can claim to have….”
“The handbook is here to give you a background on the history of the sport, a basic understanding of the rules, and a brief guideline about what your duty is as an announcer…. Announcing is one of the most important parts of Quidditch as it keeps the games flowing and the tournament moving faster. You have a big job ahead of you as an announcer and I am sure you will do great.”
“On behalf of myself and the entire IQA I welcome you into our family and look forward to hearing your lovely voices.”
Announcer Coordinator for the IQA
"Johnson with the Quaffle, what a player that girl is, I've been saying it for years but she still won't go out with me."- Lee Jordan
Introduction - The game of quidditch features four different types of players (beaters, keepers, chasers, and seekers), two different types of balls (quaffles and bludgers), and one snitch. Two teams of seven players compete to get the most points. Teams get points by putting the quaffle through one of three of their opponent’s goal hoops, and by catching the Snitch. The game is ended when the Snitch is grabbed and the win is given to the team who has amassed the most points.
Quaffle- Only controlled by the chaser. This ball (usually a partially inflated volley ball) is the main offensive weapon that a team uses during the course of play. When a team puts the quaffle through a goal hoop, it is awarded ten points. After every score the quaffle switches possession to the other team.
Bludgers - Only controlled by the Beaters. Any of these three balls (usually dodgeballs) can be thrown at any player on the field. If it touches the body of a player on the opposing team then that player is “knocked out” and must 1) drop any balls they have and 2) “reset” which involves going back and touching the post of one of their own goal hoops.
The snitch- The snitch is a team unto himself and one of the most unique things to Quidditch as a sport. The snitch is a person dressed in yellow with a “snitch ball” attached to the back of her pants. The snitch’s job is to evade the Seekers by any means necessary. Snitches can grab, yank, and tackle seekers as much as they want. The game is over when the “snitch ball” is grabbed from the back of the snitch.
The Players
Chasers - There are three chasers per team on the pitch at any time. A chaser’s main goal is to throw the quaffle through his opponent’s goal hoop. A good chaser is fast and has the ability to dodge bludgers. A chaser who puts the Quaffle through the front or back side of one of his opponents’ hoops is awarded ten points for his team.
Beaters - There are two beaters per team on the pitch at any time. The beaters’ main purpose is to impede the opposing chasers and seekers from doing their respective jobs. A beater uses the bludger by throwing it at members of the opposite team. If a beater successfully hits a player of the opposite team with a bludger then that player must drop any balls she had and “reset” by touching one of her own goal hoops.
The keeper- There is one keeper per team on the pitch at any time. The keeper’s job is to keep the Quaffle from going into the goal hoop. The keeper is the only player on the field that has immunity from a bludger hit. A keeper may run up the field acting as an offensive tool, but losing immunity from bludger hits when she does so.
The seeker – There is one seeker per team on the pitch at any time. The seeker’s job is to snatch the snitch. More specifically, the seeker’s job is to grab the “snitch ball” located on the back of the snitch. The seeker must also do this while the Snitch is standing, meaning that a snitch snatch done while the snitch is on the ground is not considered a legal grab. A legal snitch snatch is worth 30 points and signals the end of the game.
Starting the Game
Upon arrival - When you get to the field the FIRST thing you should do is put your stuff down. The second thing you should do is find the microphone and call the head referee over to talk. Announcers need to maintain a good relationship with the referees throughout the game so your first priority should be to make sure you guys are on the same page.
Starting procedure - To start the game the head referee will blow his whistle to get everyone's attention. You then will hand the referee the microphone, and he will follow this procedure:
a. Tell both teams “Brooms down, eyes closed.” At this time, both teams will put their heads down and go on one knee, as if they were “Tebow-ing”.
b. Yell “The snitch is loose!” At this point the snitch will leave the playing field (usually not before doing some “snitch mischief”).
c. Once the snitch has left the pitch the referee will wait a little longer and then yell “BROOMS UP!” signaling the start of play.
Penalties - Just like any sport, quidditch has its share of penalties. Quidditch is a contact sport and can get pretty intense unless the referees keep some sort of control over the teams. Quidditch has a penalty system similar to soccer in that there are warnings, yellow cards, and red cards.
Goals – When a goal is scored, especially during a close game, it’s a big deal! Whenever a good goal is scored, a referee behind the goal will raise his hands and the head referee will blow his whistle. Whenever a goal is no good, the referee behind the goals will wave her arms in the “no good” signal from football. Make sure to let everyone know whether a goal was scored or not! The fans rely on you to know when the score changes.
Penalties - It is YOUR job as an announcer to make sure the audience (and most of the players) are aware of which penalty has been awarded. This is where having a good relationship with the head referee comes in handy. When a penalty is called the referee should yell to you what the penalty is and on which player. You then simply announce the penalty into the microphone and carry on.
Ending the game - The game ends when the Snitch is caught. The winner is the team with the most points.
Postgame - Your job as announcer is to run a post game show. Get interviews with any MVPs of the game; these may include the seeker that snatched the snitch, an interesting-looking player from the winning team, or the snitch herself. Postgame is also a time to talk about the highlights of the game and be sure to talk about the significance of the game going forward (“With this win Florida secures a bid to the first round of the playoffs”).
Announcer Etiquette
"I could hear the match commentary from here. I hope Luna always commentates from now on... Loser's Lurgy…” – Ron Weasley
Preparing for the Game
Arrival - As an announcer, it is your job to get the the pitch 30 minutes before the game. When you get to the pitch you should do the following:
a. Make sure you are in dress code! Announcer dress code is regular clothes with at least a sports blazer and preferably a tie. Feel free to add any other clothing you find appropriate to announcing a quidditch match.
b. Get a relationship with the referees! Go over to the head referee and introduce yourself. You will be relying on him throughout the game to relay any penalties and other information to you. Since your job is to keep both teams and the crowd informed, it is crucial that you stay on the same page as the referee.
c. Find out who is playing and make sure to get information about both teams. Go over to the captains and find out any important players, recent games, and anything else interesting about the team. This will help you call a more informed game.
The announcers - Each game of quidditch is called by two announcers. Games should be called by one comic and one announcer with sports calling experience when possible, although two comics or two sports announcers is fine.
Etiquette
Have fun - The most important rule when announcing is. “Have fun!” Announcing is awesome and I guarantee you will have a better time if you don’t take it super seriously; just have fun and play around.
General advice – Here are some tips that will help you announce a better game:
a. Try not to say things like “OOOOHHH” or “AHHHHHH” during exciting plays. Describe the play. Say “He takes it to the key! Makes a move! Pulls the trigger! Goal!” rather than, “OOOOOOOHHHH! A GOAL!!!” As a word of advice, pretend you are describing the game to a blind person… you never know, you may be doing just that!
b. Use names instead of numbers when available. Feel free to play around with this and give players nicknames. Some of the funniest announcing moments come from announcers piling on references when a player reminds them of someone else. Example: There was a player at World Cup IV who looked identical to Dr. House. The announcers made sure to pile on the “House” references throughout the match.
c. Give the score early and often. You should be announcing the score anytime a team scores, and at least every other minute.
d. Don’t make fun of quidditch itself. Yes, quidditch is a crazy game and the players are kind of eccentric but we are all here to have fun. Saying things like “Look at all these losers on brooms” is just mean and can give a tournament a negative feeling. Make fun of players and teams all you want, but make sure it is done in a positive and non-hurtful way.
Comedy - Quidditch announcers have historically been comics with improv experience. This is one of the most interesting aspects of Quidditch that really makes this game unique. As a comic, keep the following in mind when calling a game:
a. Quidditch is a family sport. There are families and kids that attend games and announcers must be sensitive to this fact. Announcers have a pretty loose leash, but must show some restraint with their language. As a general rule try to keep your language at a “PG-16” level; not quite R-rated, but you can often go above PG-13. Evaluate your audience, and then use your own discretion.
b. Try to balance the comedic and the serious announcing of the game. This is up to your discretion, but try to keep the ratio around 70% play calling and 30% comedy. This isn’t an exact science and rules are meant to be broken, but this ratio serves well to keep the audience informed and amused. Don’t neglect either aspect of announcing.
Downtimes - Announcers have the job of making the game and tournament go smoothly. There is downtime between games and it is the job of the announcers to keep the crowd entertained. Feel free to do some “crowd work” or to interview random people walking by. You are all funny and creative; I’m sure you’ll keep them entertained.
Injuries - When an injury happens it can be a difficult time for the announcers. If announcers say nothing, it can be awkward, but if they continue talking it can be seen as rude. Here is the IQA-approved protocol to follow after an injury occurs:
a. Tell everyone there has been an injury, and instruct all players to take a knee and stop play.
b. Take a moment to assess the situation. If it looks serious then DO NOT CONTINUE TO TALK. Keep in mind that a referee and/or paramedics should be by the injured player. The referee may require that you stop talking if it is serious so you need to keep an eye on him during this time.
c. If it looks somewhat less serious then wait a moment. Then say something like
“We would like to remind you all that although quidditch is a fun sport, there are some dangers involved with the game. The IQA does its best to ensure that the safety of its players is taken into full account when preparing for tournaments, and we make sure to have full medical personnel on standby.”
d. Wait another moment and if the player is still being worked on then start pushing anything you may have been told to push: for instance, Quidditchphotos.com. Also talk about upcoming games, tournament info, upcoming matches and championship game info.
e. After the player has been taken off, make sure that someone comes back and gives you an update on how they are doing later. The audience will be worried so you need to keep them in the loop. When you hear about the player, try to focus on the positive when telling the crowd. “The player sustained an upper body injury and is doing fine” is a lot better than “The player shattered his collar bone”. Use discretion.
