An Apology to my Mutuals (Please Read!)
I am so sorry i haven’t been keeping up to date on your blogs or been keeping in touch. Frankly, I’m kinda nervous talking you some of you again because of anxiety and such. I feel bad that i didn’t keep in touch much this year however, i plan to change that starting next year.
This year has been one heck of a shit storm for me and that’s partly why I wasn’t keeping in touch much on here. That, and I was mostly on Discord hanging out in Bendy and Villainous servers. It was fun at first. Got to meet some amazing people. However, my people skills were terrible and it got me into some deep shit on these servers. Lots of miscommunication happened and I ended up getting banned from one of the Villainous servers. I was immature. I also learned one of the friends I made within the Bendy servers weren’t really my friend and also banned me from their personal discord group. This incident caused me to drift from Bendy to Villainous altogether. I began to focus on helping run the Villainous server a friend of mine made, helping it grow.
The first couple of mounts in the Villainous server were great but like always, things started to go to down when more and more people joined. It got toxic in a way. Not only that, I started going through depression which only got worse as the months passed. I was stressing out my friends... Eventually I lost a few friends in the last 3 months over misunderstands and/or personal reasons...
I have learned from my mistakes and have grown as a person from experiencing these events. I am no longer active in huge servers because of these events. I am mostly active is small servers between my friends and their friends because of what has happened. I have become wary of big servers because of all that has happened. I used to love big servers but after experiencing what I have, I have come to see that bigger isn’t always better. Some of servers I joined were toxic as hell from all the drama that happened there and how active it was. The servers would never sleep and it would leave you wanting to be up to date as much as possible. This was partly what got me to fall behind in school and ignore my responsibility, though most of it was my own fault.
I used to worry about missing out in the fun when part of these servers. Now that i am free of them, I feel less stress and a bit more stable. I don’t know if I ever will join big servers again but I do know that if my friends join a server to a fandom I’m in, I’ll definitely join it knowing I have my buds by my side. I still deal with anxiety and trust issues and many other things but I am getting better. I am so sorry i haven’t kept in touch with all of you but hopefully things will be a lot better next year. I hope you all have a happy new year and may next year be a great year for all of us!
