Safe Spaces, My Arse
May I take the chance to take off something off my chest, even if it is rather personal and not pertaining to any fan community on Tumblr. Still, please bear with me; tagging people I think might understand and/or offer a possible insight, but everyone reading is welcome to put their 2 cents in.
@atlinmerrick @perpetuallyvex @simpleanddestructivechemistry @pennypaperbrain @pagimag @batik96 @bonadompna @angelinifall
It’s been over a week and I’m still sorely disappointed in the way I have been treated at a certain pro-feminism “safe space” forum. In the course of 4-5 past months of active participation (following a solid 2.5 years in a former incarnation which did not project ID politics per se), I was treated with the disrespect which they’re vehement they abhor when meted out to women and lgbtq+. What gives?
Witness the instances:
1.Not only was I kink-shamed, to which I have built a rather resilient hide being rather far along the way in age and life experience, but I was also accused of internalized misogyny because of said kink. The fact that the person doing the honors is a woman professor, in an established European circle of psychology professionals, leaves me rather speechless and at a serious doubt as to whether the profession really does know what they’re doing after all.
I do not give it more emphasis, do not address said person, and let it slide.
2.A published testimony of a young woman’s affair with an unavailable professor is treated and digitally tagged as a #metoo incident, in which it is crystal clear by the witness herself that there was definite consent; the whole complaint boils down to said professor not being clear to her and her girlfriend with whom he’s serious and whom he’s “playing” (It transpires he’s “playing” both women. The mere contemplation that said women are vying for male validation through “going steady” is deplorable from a feminism POV but anyway). The respectful voicing of disagreement that such instances do not reeeeeeally qualify, because they ultimately lessen the #metoo movement, and that it’s rather transparent the platform uses said tag to promote ID politics,with no traffic loss included at the same time, is met with flaming wars, mobbing and personal correspondence to “cut it out” by the platform’s manager.
I realize that if we’re to empower women to come forward and share their stories of sexual harassment (and they definitely should come forward!) it’s vital for us to differentiate between facts and feelings; obviously this is not a court, it’s a public discourse site, but all the same it’s a good standard of journalistic reporting to separate between the two. The more grey zones and their limits are defined, the clearer it becomes that pooh-poohing such incidents is out of place, right? Furthermore the platform is a public discourse medium and as such can and should be allowing disagreement.
Rather chaffed, since I view proceedings as hypocrisy on management’s part, yet continue to give the benefit of a doubt (internalized sub guilt on whether I have been out of line perhaps?) I let it slide once again.
3.The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back was totally benign for starters: A suggestion on my part that a serial fiction work that had been digitally published (corniest bad fic ever and totally anti-fem, but that’s besides the point, wouldn’t shoot down a fellow writer no matter what) might have been an effort to give a preview of an upcoming paperback publication. I was implying that it is a good opportunity for such things, in which case I might be personally interested. Admittedly I did not blurt it out in so many words. Still...
This was met with the director’s exasperation, and certain members’ insults to my person. Insults that imply psychotic diagnosis (wtf? is this the advertised safe space for Pete’s sake?) and being paid by a market competitor (!). Which is highly ironic, given that the implication of web traffic and money being made was considered so appalling in the near past, but it’s now totally plausible for the competitor to view said platform as a legit money-maker or at least potentially traffic-cashing-in-vehicle. It’s become even more ironic, if you can imagine, by the fact that it’s a known commodity there I’m a writer, I have digitally submitted original, high traffic articles twice for free, and was only expressing the desire to be next in line should a print publication was to ever materialize.
Honestly, at least in this third instance, I can’t for the life of me see what I did wrong. Talk about being the victim of snowballing? Past instances coming back to haunt you? Being seen as competing for power and paying for it? Or is it just that people are way more stupid than I am and I’m suffering in a world of goldfish? For some reason the last option is the loneliest one.
It’s probably my faith in humanity that’s taking the blow, since my self-esteem is rather established and doesn’t really need peer acceptance, but this whole thing did leave me with sorrow and disillusionment on how the web, even in its apparently “safe” spaces, is a deeply man-eating-man (or rather woman-eating-woman in this instance) environment. I suppose I had to vent someplace. Thanks for reading. :)